


Saving All My Summers (For You)

by Cottonstones



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bisexuality, Coming Out, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Gen, Growing Up AU, Growing Up Together, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Violence, Outing, Porn Watching, Slurs, dan gets the talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5360639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cottonstones/pseuds/Cottonstones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arin is Dan's best friend. They are inseparable, always together, and that's exactly how Dan likes it, right up until the day that he realizes he might just be in love with Arin.</p><p>Dan has no idea that that will be the least of their troubles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Walnut Street

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic version of the [Growing Up AU](http://keenveins.tumblr.com/tagged/growing-up-au) that was spawned by an ask on my Tumblr.
> 
> More pairings and warnings will be added as chapters are added.
> 
> Title is from "Froot" by Marina and the Diamonds.

Dan is six years old when his family moves to the big house on Walnut Street.

It’s larger than their old place, an apartment in the heart of downtown where there was no backyard and Dan shared a room with his mom and dad. He was too young back then to know the difference, to understand the gravity of what the change meant. He just knew that he had a bigger yard, a _real_ yard, with a swing set and everything, and his own bedroom.

They had moved because Dan’s dad had gotten a better job, but, again, to six year old Dan, it made no difference. They moved in the middle of summer, Dan sweating in the plastic-y backseat of his parent’s car, clutching a cool can of soda pop in his hands as they repeatedly made the long drive, hauling boxes and clothes and Dan’s toys, from the apartment to the new house.

“You can play in the yard if you want,” Dan’s mom says to him as he ambles out of the car, feeling just a tiny bit car-sick from being cooped up for too long. Dan nods, bouncing through the green, green grass and heading around the left side of the house, toward the backyard. There’s no fence separating their new houses from the one next door, just some fat bushes that are easy enough to step over.

“Just don’t go too far!” Dan’s mom calls after him.

“Okay!” Dan calls back. He’s already excited. There’s a breeze in the air and it tickles at Dan’s curls, brushing his cheeks. The backyard is huge and the swing set is thick and wooden. Dan’s dad said that the other family that moved out couldn’t take it, that it was stuck here, but Dan is secretly happy about that.

He sits on the swing, the chains rattling lightly. There was a park by the apartment that they used to live in, and Dan’s mom took him there sometimes. It was always crowded, though, and the older kids always took all of the swings. Now Dan doesn’t have to worry. He’s got his own swing and he doesn’t have to share it with _anyone_.

Just as Dan kicks his legs up, starting to feel the wind catch him, lifting him as he pumps his legs, that’s when he sees a face peeking at him from the next yard over. Dan stops the swing as he focuses on the big, brown eyes looking at him. Once he’s settled and can see, he realizes that it’s a kid just like him.

The kid’s got dark-brown hair and big, brown eyes and he’s smiling a little, kind of shyly. He’s a little chubby, too, sort of soft, making him look younger. Dan smiles back, digging his toe of his sneaker into the dirt.

“Hi,” Dan says, trying to sound nice because his mom always tells him to be polite.

“Hi,” the kid says back. His voice is small and as shy as he had looked, but he’s still smiling.

“I’m Dan,” Dan says, getting off of the swing. “What’s your name?”

“Arin,” the kid says, his hands twisting in the fabric of his t-shirt.

“Do you wanna play with me, Arin? I got a swing set now!” Dan says, hoping that Arin understands his enthusiasm for this new toy and just how _cool_ it is.

Arin’s smile widens and he nods. He glances back at his house for a second before he steps over one of the bushes and then he’s in Dan’s yard, shuffling towards the swing. There’s a twin to Dan’s swing right next to him and Arin takes it easily.

Dan kicks off again, hollering a little as he tries to gain that air again. Arin is right there next to him, swinging and laughing. He loves swinging, feeling the world shift around him and how, if he’s going high enough, it looks like his feet touch the sky, the soles of his shoes grazing the clouds.

As much fun as swinging is, Dan still loses interest pretty fast.

“Hey, Arin,” Dan says, and he sees a dark head turn to look at him. “Wanna see how far I can jump?”

Arin nods. “Yeah!”

Dan feels enthused, motivated by the eager smile of this new kid and how he’s watching Dan intently, like he’s about to witness the coolest thing ever. When Dan reaches the peak of his next swing, he launches himself out of the swing. He has that flying feeling then, soaring through the air before he lands roughly in the grass, losing his balance and rolling a little, getting his knees dirty with grass stains.

Dan’s on the ground for a moment to let the world slide back into focus. He hears the jangle of chains and sees a pair of sneakers by his face. He sits up to see Arin standing in front of him, looking worried.

“Are you okay?” Arin asks.

Dan nods, standing up and rubbing at his green knees. “I went far, right?”

Arin nods, his eyes lighting up. “It was so cool.”

Dan grins. Behind them, further into the yard, he spots a beat-up old soccer ball. Dan darts to it.

“Hey, come play with me!” he calls, urging Arin to follow. Arin does, and he and Dan end up a few feet away from each other, kicking the half-deflated ball around Dan’s new backyard.

“How old are you?” Dan asks because kids don’t really have much to talk about.

“I’m five,” Arin says, puffing out his chest, like he’s extremely proud of this fact.

“I’m six,” Dan says with a smile.

Arin looks awed, like it’s amazing to have a six year old neighbor.

“This is my new house,” Dan says. “We moved from the city.”

Arin glances at the house, distracted, and misses the ball when Dan kicks it back to him, letting it roll pass him and into the yard.

“The boy that lived there before was _mean_ ,” Arin says seriously. “He bit me.”

Dan’s eyes widen. He jogs up close to Arin.

“I’m not mean,” Dan says, like it’s the most serious thing ever. “I won’t bite you ‘cause you’re my friend!”

Arin smiles again. “You’re my friend, too,” Arin says.

Dan’s glad that Arin says that they’re friends because, when he moved, he left behind his old best friend, a six year old boy in his class named Tommy. Dan and Tommy would have sleepovers and Tommy’s parents would let them stay up really late. Dan misses Tommy, but Arin could be a good best friend.

“Dan! Come on, honey! We gotta go back to the apartment for more stuff!” Dan’s mom calls from the front yard.

Dan frowns and he glances at Arin. “I gotta go! I’ll come back, though!”

Arin nods. “Okay.”

“Dan!” Dan’s dad calls.

“I’m coming!” Dan yells back. He smiles at Arin. “Bye, Arin!”

“Bye!” Arin says brightly.

Dan has to hustle to the front yard, but he turns back just in time to see Arin stepping over the bush, crossing back into his yard.

Dan’s dad is already in the car, the engine running. His mom is leaning against the open door, waiting for him. She smiles as he skids to a stop in front of the car. He climbs inside and his mom shuts the back door for him, Dan reaching for his seatbelt as his mom slides into the car and they take off again.

They drive pass Arin’s house and Dan feels a smile on his face.

“Did you have fun exploring the backyard, Dan?” his mom asks from the front seat.

Dan nods. “Yeah! I made a new best friend. His name is Arin,” he says, beaming wide with pride at the fact that he already has a new best friend.

\--

Since the first day that they met, seven years ago, Dan and Arin have been inseparable. The rest of that first summer, Dan’s first summer in his new house, had been spent hanging out in Dan or Arin’s backyards, playing games, eating popsicles, sticky, sweet juice running down their arms. Arin had a Nintendo 64 and, when Dan spent the night at his house, they’d spend hours playing it, Dan laughing each time Arin died on a level.

That fall, they had gone to the same elementary school, though Dan was a grade ahead of Arin. They still got to play together on the playground and ride to school together in the mornings, though, because Arin’s mom offered to start taking Dan to school with Arin.

Even now, Dan thirteen and Arin twelve, they’re practically inseparable. You can hardly find one of them without the other far behind. Dan prefers it that way. Arin is his best friend, the coolest person that he knows, and being around him makes Dan feel good, feel right.

\--

“I got something to show you,” Dan says as he leads Arin to the back of his house.

Arin rolls his eyes, “You’ve been saying that for, like, the last hour. Can you just tell me?”

“I have to _show_ you,” Dan says urgently. He’s smiling, though, and Arin gives him one in return.

Dan’s chest kind of feels funny. That’s been happening a lot lately, this odd feeling, weightless, sort of like jelly. He doesn’t really understand it.

They reach the back of the house and Arin looks around expectantly, his arms crossing against his chest.

“I don’t see anything,” he says.

“Right here,” Dan says, reaching out and steadying the thin wooden ladder that he had dug out of the garage, his dad’s old one, barely used anymore. Dan had pulled it from the garage to the backside of the house, leaning it against the cream-colored siding.

“A ladder?” Arin asks with a snort.

“No, asshole, it’s what’s up the ladder that’s important,” Dan says, putting a foot on the bottom rung and pushing himself up. “Come on.”  
“That thing is old as shit,” Arin says, giving Dan a skeptical look.

“Come on, Arin. You trust me, don’t you?” Dan asks, leaning back and grinning at Arin, offering him his hand.

Arin sighs, but he grins and takes Dan’s hand, letting Dan pull him toward the ladder. Arin’s hand is warm, way softer than Dan would have thought that it’d be. They haven’t held hands since they were kids, maybe seven or something. It feels like an eternity to Dan. How weird it is that he can know Arin so well, know almost everything there is to know about him, but not this, not how soft his hand feels when it’s joined with Dan’s?

Dan coughs and releases Arin’s hand, focusing on climbing up the ladder, turning his face away from Arin so that he can’t see the pink blush forming on Dan’s cheeks. The ladder rattles noisily as the two of them climb. Dan’s house is one story, not too tall, but it still feels that way as Dan and Arin scale the side of it. Dan finally reaches the top, the black scratch of the shingles under his hands as he hefts himself up and climbs on top of the roof.

“Seriously?” Arin calls from below him.

Dan kneels on the roof and peers over the edge, the wave of hair around his face making it hard to see Arin as he climbs up to meet Dan. “Don’t be so quick to judge,” he says.

Arin finally makes his way to the top. Dan scoots backward to give him space to join him on the roof. Arin does, ambling across the roof, scanning the immediate area around them before finding Dan’s gaze again.

“There’s nothing up here.”

“I know,” Dan says. “That’s the point.”

“Dan,” Arin groans. “You dragged me up here for nothing.”

Dan shakes his head, moving across the roof slowly and carefully before he sits down at the center of it. He pats the spot next to him. Arin rolls his eyes, but he’s moving just as slowly and carefully until he drops down next to Dan.

The day is still warm, the sun dipping low on the horizon. Arin’s thigh is against Dan’s and a heat burns through Dan where their bodies touch.

This weird heat isn’t new. Dan’s mom likes to say he’s going through the “change.” Dan’s had the sex-ed class in school, as mortifying and embarrassing as it was. Dan blames this heat filling him on the “change,” how sometimes when girls at school laugh at his jokes or his mom’s friends smile at him, he’ll get that same rush, that excitement and heat.

So why did he also get that feeling when Arin grinned? When Arin looked into his eyes or their bodies brushed together?

Dan swallows thickly, suddenly nervous.

“Dan?” Arin says quietly, tugging Dan back from his thoughts.

Dan meets Arin’s gaze, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

“You got all…quiet?”

“Sorry, I, uh…I was thinking? I just…I wanted to show you this view. You might think that it’s lame, maybe it is, but I came up here the other night when you were at your aunt’s place and I was bored out of my mind. As soon as I saw the view, I knew that I wanted to show you…”

Dan trails off. It had seemed cool at the time, Dan sitting up here alone and seeing the neighborhood spread out in front of him, but he had been missing Arin that night, feeling lonely, feeling stupid for feeling lonely when Arin was only gone for maybe ten hours tops. Maybe his judgement had been skewed, but, that night, all that he could think about was getting to share this view with Arin.

The sky starts melting into various dreamy shades of red and purple and then Dan hears Arin suck in a breath next to him. Dan turns his head, a smile forming across his lips. Arin’s eyes are a little wide, a little awed, and, in that moment, it makes him look younger than he is. Dan is glad that it seems like he appreciates it, that maybe Dan was right after all.

Arin meets his gaze. “Whoa, you can see the whole neighborhood from here.”

“I told you!” Dan says with a laugh, his chest feeling all tight as Arin elbows him a little, leaning into his space. Dan catches the scent of that shampoo that Arin likes and dirt and sweat, all pieces of Arin that he’s more than familiar with after all of these years of friendship.

The sky changes rapidly around them, the sun fading, dropping behind buildings and tree lines. All of the wonderful daydream colors blend into a soft blue. Streetlights start to pop on around them. Like this, it almost feels like he and Arin are in their own little world, totally inhabited by just the two of them. Dan is fine with it, a private world for just he and Arin.

“Okay,” Arin says. “You were right. This is pretty cool.”

Dan smiles. “See! I told you!”

Arin leans in again, knocking his shoulder against Dan’s. That warmth spreads through Dan’s body. His heart doing this funny flip. Arin is his best friend, his very best friend in the world. There isn’t a single person that Dan trusts more than Arin, no one he wants to be around more than him. He’s used to feeling this rush of fondness of absolute happiness when he thinks of Arin, but the warmth in his belly is new, the way that his heart flops like a fish, how his fingers tingle when Arin laughs. How, right now, with the sky darkening around them, the dying light finding Arin, highlighting the curve of his jaw, his profile, the dark of his hair…

Arin turns his head and smiles at Dan and then, all of the sudden, the thought hits him like a punch, like a freaking truck slamming into his form.

Dan panics suddenly on the roof of his house, his mom inside, making dinner and his dad still not home from work yet. Dan is spiraling right next to Arin, the city spread out before them because now the thought is there and it won’t leave him, spreading through him like a truth that was always there, in plain sight.

Dan is in love with Arin.


	2. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan's seen his older cousins date, watched one hundred episodes of those dopey, sickly-sweet, teen romance shows with his little sister, but he knows that having those feelings for Arin isn’t quite the same as it would be if Arin were a girl.

“Dan?” Arin asks.

Dan’s attention snaps to him. His heart is whirling in his chest, expanding too much, becoming too full. He gets like that a lot. He loves too hard, gets attached too easily…but this feels different. This heat filling him up when Arin looks at him is new and scary.

Dan’s mouth is dry as he tries to focus. “Yeah?”

Arin shrugs, an eyebrow quirked. “You’re being quiet again.”

“Oh,” Dan says.

“Are you okay?” Arin asks, concern beginning to lace his voice.

No, Dan isn’t okay. He’ll never be okay again because his heart and his mind are _stupid_ and they’re fighting and Arin is at the very center of it. He’s got to say something. Arin is watching him and he’s got to say _something_.

Luckily, Dan is saved by the rumble of a vehicle, the cut of bright, white lights slicing through the dusky darkness as his dad pulls into the driveway.

“Crap,” Dan says. “I forgot that I was supposed to have my homework done before my dad got home.”

“Oh,” Arin says, sounding a little disappointed. “Okay.”

Dan nods, sticking with the lie, fumbling as he moves across the top of the roof.

“I…I gotta go or I’ll never hear the end of it. You know how it is.”

Arin nods. “Okay. Do you need help? I could come in and -”

“No,” Dan interrupts, shaking his head. “No, they’d just think that I was cheating. I’ll…it’ll be okay. I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Okay?”

“Um,” Arin says, scrambling to follow Dan, who’s already heading down the ladder. “Okay, Dan.”

Dan feels a pang of guilt at the confusion in Arin’s voice, but he can’t help it. Right now, he needs to get _away_ from Arin, take a moment to think about what’s happening, how, right now, he’s more terrified than he’s ever been in his life.

Dan slides down the ladder and Arin is quick to follow after him. He tries to grab at Dan’s hand, do the same dumb handshake that they always do, but Dan only feels the barest brush of Arin’s fingertips, warm against his skin, leaving goosebumps behind. He steps back.

“Good night,” Dan says quickly. It’s stupid, childish, but he practically runs away from Arin, around the side of his house and up to his front door, just narrowly beating his dad inside.

Dan spends the rest of the night on his bed, frowning at the ceiling. He’s quiet during dinner, letting his parents and his sister rule the conversation.

“You okay, Dan?” his mom asks, frowning a little as she watches him push his peas across the plate.

Dan nods. “Yeah, I’m fine…just…do you think that you can pick me up from school tomorrow?”

Dan’s mom arches her eyebrow at him. “I’m sure that I can, but you always walk home with Arin.”

That’s true. He and Arin have been walking home together for years now. Their middle school isn’t too far from their homes and they’ve proven that they can make it home without being kidnapped. It’s a routine, one that usually Dan loves, but, right now, he can’t stomach the thought of walking those long blocks home alongside Arin, just the two of them, not when Dan’s chest already feels like it’s going to burst.

“Yeah. Just…my legs hurt…you know, like you said might happen? With ‘the change’?” he asks, including the appropriate air quotes. It’s a lame excuse, but his mom nods fondly at him, leaning over to pat the back of his hand.

“Sure, I’ll pick you up, sweetie. Arin, too, if he’d like.”

Dan smiles, but he resumes pushing the food around his plate. He already knows that he won’t tell Arin about his mom’s offer.

Dan goes to his room after dinner. From his bedroom window, he can see across his yard to Arin’s house, their windows aligned almost perfectly, just a little off-center. Arin’s curtains are drawn, but the lights are on in his room.

Dan so badly wants to see him, even as his body is screaming at him to run away. Arin is so important to him and everyone knows it, but, now, it’s changing, and that scares Dan because he knows that it means more than just a change. He’s seen his older cousins date, watched one hundred episodes of those dopey, sickly-sweet, teen romance shows with his little sister, but he knows that having those feelings for Arin isn’t quite the same as it would be if Arin were a girl.

It’s something big, scary, making a dark pit open up in his stomach. Whenever he feels like shit, he goes to Arin, talks it out, and Arin always makes it better. He can’t do that this time. Dan sees a shadow pass by Arin’s window and panic seizes him. He’s quick to flick his own bedroom light off and flop into bed, feeling wide awake.

\--

The next morning, Dan still rides to school with Arin and Mrs. Hanson. Dan and Arin are cramped in the backseat and Arin’s older brother takes the front. The drive isn’t too long, and Dan couldn’t think of an explanation for making his mom take him to school when Arin’s mom always drives them.

Dan is still quiet, looking down at his lap, a heavy weight in his stomach.

“Was your dad mad?” Arin asks quietly, trying to keep their conversation private. Well, as private as it can be in the Hanson family car with Arin’s mom and brother mere inches away.

Dan looks up, blinking in confusion before he remembers his rushed excuse for getting away from Arin last night. Arin’s face is concerned, soft, his eyes focused on Dan. Usually, Dan loves when Arin focuses all of his attention on him, but, right now, it just makes his chest hurt in this weird, tight way.

“Oh, no, not really. I got it all done eventually.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Arin asks. “You seem kinda…” he trails off, and Dan watches his face scrunch. “…Off?”

“I’ll be okay,” Dan says with a nod and then their conversation is cut off by Arin’s brother complaining loudly from the front seat about not being allowed to go out after class tonight.

The two of them are quiet the rest of the ride, until Arin’s mom pulls up in front of their middle school. As bad as Dan feels about it, right now, he’s glad that he and Arin have separate homerooms, different classes, times of the day that they’re apart. He used to hate it, used to count down the minutes until he could see Arin again, but, this morning, he hurries to his locker, Arin struggling to keep up behind him.

“We’re not late, you know,” Arin says. “You don’t have to rush off to homeroom.”

Dan feels a pang of guilt because he knows Arin doesn’t get it, doesn’t know why Dan’s being weird, breaking from their norm.

“I know, but I have some questions about the homework,” Dan lies, that sick feeling plaguing him.

Arin can’t hide the disappointment that moves across his face, just like the night before on the roof. It’s disappointment in how Dan is acting. Guilt and dread slip into Dan’s stomach, but he can’t dwell on it because he gets these thoughts, these flashes of himself taking Arin’s hands, holding on and comforting until this all goes away, dangerous daydreams of Dan pressing a soft kiss to Arin’s mouth, trying to make the frown go away.

“I’ll see you at lunch?” Arin asks. The pitiful way that he asks, like he really isn’t sure at this point, makes Dan’s heart ache.

Dan nods, forcing a smile, “Of course. Save me a seat!”

Dan slams his locker shut and rushes to homeroom to wallow in his misery.

\--

In class, Dan tries to focus on his classmates, on the cute girls who actually talk to him for some unknown reason. Before this shift with Arin, Dan would think about them, how they always smelled good or how their laughs were really cute. He tries to go back, to capture that feeling, to convince himself that this thing with Arin is a fluke, a mistake, some misplaced best friend affection.

It doesn’t work, not one bit. When Katrina Wilson, the cute girl who sits next to him in English, laughs at one of his jokes, Dan feels good, but he can’t help but think that Arin’s laugh is better, warms his stomach with pride.

Lunch time rolls around. By this point, Dan is both glad and terrified to see Arin again. The lunch room is packed, but Arin is already seated at one of the long, brown tables alongside Barry and Ross. Dan gets in line to get his food before he heads to the table to join his friends. Arin is watching him with a hint of hesitation, like he isn’t sure what to expect.

“Hey, Dan,” Barry says, smiling as he bites into his burger.

“Hey, Bar,” Dan mumbles back, trying to make an effort to act normal.

Barry is a seventh grader just like Arin, and the two of them share a majority of their classes together. Ross is an eighth grader like Dan and has the same homeroom and a few other classes as Dan. Besides Arin, Barry and Ross are Dan’s other best friends. Unlike Arin, though, Dan’s heart doesn’t beat into triple time when Dan thinks of them.

Having Barry and Ross there during lunch makes it easier than being alone with Arin, though there are still moments where Arin catches Dan’s eyes and Dan’s gaze lingers for a second, basking in the way that Arin’s eyes crinkle as he laughs before Dan forces himself to look away.

After lunch, it’s back to classes. Dan won’t see Arin until the end of the day - when they’d normally meet up to walk home. Dan hesitates at the exit of the cafeteria as their classmates move effortlessly pass them, trying to have just a few more minutes before the freedom of their lunch period is over.

“So,” Arin asks, “I’ll see you after school?”

Dan bites his lip before he shakes his head. “No, um, my mom is picking me up. I have some family stuff to do.”

“Oh,” Arin says, and his voice holds more than disappointment, a genuine sadness.

“Sorry,” Dan says. “You know, otherwise, I would.”

Arin pushes a hand through his hair and tries to smile, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. Dan so badly wants to reach out and cup Arin’s cheek, bring that real smile back.

The first bell rings, alerting the students that they only have two minutes to get to class before they’re considered late. Arin looks like he has more to say, more to ask, but whatever it is dies on his tongue as he sighs.

“See you later, then,” Arin says softly.

Dan nods. “Yeah.”

They part ways with a wave, Arin heading towards his next class and Dan his own. He turns back to watch Arin’s retreating form. In the last few months, Arin’s gotten taller, broader, changing from the stocky, slightly chubby kid that he once was.

He thinks about how maybe Arin’s changing as much as Dan is. In the deepest, lowest pits of his heart, he wonders, _dreams_ , about the could-be possibility of Arin feeling the same sense of frightening depth, that quaking love that shivers through him. He doesn’t let the thought stay long…he never does. He shakes his head as he tears his gaze away from Arin’s form and heads to class.

After school, Dan is quick to rush to the parking lot, trying to pick out his mom’s minivan. He doesn’t want to run into Arin, doesn’t want to feel bad - or, worse, have his mom see Arin and offer him a ride home and the both of them find out that Dan’s been weaving lies all day long.

Dan’s mom is parked near the front of the school and Dan is quick to run to the car, darting   
around classmates as he jerks the door open and climbs inside. Dan’s mom raises an eyebrow at Dan’s eager state.

“Everything okay?” she asks.

Dan nods, scanning the front of the school for Arin’s familiar form.

“Yeah, can we, um, just go? I…I have to get home.”

Dan’s mom starts the car. “We have to get Dana before that.”

Dan sighs, but it’s fine, whatever, as long as they aren’t _here_.

His mom puts the car in reverse and backs out of her parking spot.

“Arin didn’t want a ride?” she asks.

“No,” Dan lies. “He had some stuff to do. He didn’t want to make you wait.”

“I wouldn’t have minded. Arin should know that.”

Okay, Dan really wants to go home if his mom’s just going to talk about Arin the whole time that they’re in the car together.

“It’s not like we have to be together every second!” Dan says, a little too excited. He flushes when his mom gives him an odd look.

By now, she’s pulled out of the school parking lot and is getting ready to turn onto the main street that will lead them to Dana’s school.

“Dan, is something bugging you?”

“No,” Dan says firmly. “I’m fine.”

Dan’s mom hums in response, like she doesn’t really believe him, but she also doesn’t pick at him. They turn to head to Dana’s school and, as they do, they pass by the middle school and Dan sees Arin heading down the sidewalk opposite them, walking home all alone.

Dan closes his eyes. He feels horrible. He should be there, right next to Arin, their footsteps in line, echoing against the pavement together. He should be filling that empty spot, but he _can’t_ , not until he figures out this crap going on in his head.

Arin disappears from sight as his mom drives to the nearby elementary school so that they can pick up Dan’s little sister. Dan rests his head back against the headrest, letting his eyes slip closed, not thinking about anything, mind peacefully blank, at last.


	3. Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You and Arin," Ross says. "Something is going on."
> 
> Dan shakes his head and opens his mouth to protest, but even Barry is giving him a skeptical look that has Dan letting his mouth fall closed.

Dan avoids Arin the rest of the night. Arin texts him after he notices that Dan has gotten home, asking if Dan wants to hang out, play video games, maybe sit on the roof as they'd done the night before. Dan lies again, telling Arin that he's not feeling well and that he's got a lot of homework to do.

The cycle repeats the next day. Dan tries to avoid Arin as much as he can without it becoming weird. They spend lunch together with Barry and Ross, but, this time, Arin doesn't laugh as often and he won't meet Dan’s eyes. He frowns at his crappy school lunch and Dan can feel his stomach eating away at itself. That night, Dan's mom picks him up again and, again, Arin walks home alone. That night, Arin doesn't even text Dan to ask him if wants to hang out.

Dan wakes up the following morning with a stomach ache. He thinks that it might be stress - or it could be the chips that he ate before he went to sleep. They were a little spicier than usual and, now, he's paying the price. His mom comes in to see if he's awake and getting ready for school. She finds Dan with his arm over his stomach, groaning in pain.

"Are you sick?" she asks, running a brush through her red hair.

"My stomach," Dan says. "I must have eaten something funky."

His mom frowns. This happens sometimes. Dan has medicine and all of that crap, but even his doctor had said that it's best to let him rest when he gets like this. He's basically guaranteed a day off from school anyway, but, when she glances at the clock on Dan's nightstand, weighing how late she's already running against how long it would take to argue with Dan about going to school, he can see her giving in for sure.

She sighs. "Alright. I suppose that you can have the day off. I'll call the school to let them know."

Dan gives her a small smile. He probably could manage school, but the thought of hanging out at home, having a reason to avoid everyone...avoid Arin another day...it relaxes him.

He crawls back into bed, pulling his thick covers over himself and letting his eyes flutter closed. He can hear his sister running around the house, getting ready for school, and he's almost fallen asleep again when he hears a knock on the door.

His blood freezes.

He sits up a little, listening to his mom move to the front door and begin talking. "Oh! Arin! Hi!"

Dan's heart jerks in his chest. Arin's at his front door, probably coming over to see if Dan's ready for school, seeing as they had to leave pretty soon. Dan flops back into bed, pulling the covers over his head, feeling like a dumb kid.

"Hi, Mrs. Avidan. Is Dan ready to go?" Arin sounds normal, but his voice is getting deeper every day. Dan misses Arin so intensely in that moment. He wants to see his best friend so badly, wants Arin to sit on the edge of his bed while Dan complains about his stomach, but they can't do that, not any of it.

"Dan's not feeling well," his mom says. "It's his stomach. I don't think that he'll be going to school today."

"Oh." Dan can hear the thread of disappointment in Arin's voice. "Okay. Tell him that I hope that he feels better?"

"I sure will," Dan's mom says. Dan can hear the smile in her voice.

Once Arin's gone, Dan feels even sicker than before. He groans into his pillow, willing himself to go back to sleep.

Soon, Dan's mom leaves to drop Dana off at school. She has a part-time job at a bank that she works at during the day, coming home shortly before it's time to pick Dana up from school. For a few blissful hours, Dan sleeps off his stomach ache, hiding from his increasing panic about what to do about Arin.

The next time that he wakes up, there's a weight sitting on the bed near his feet. For a moment, Dan thinks that it's Arin, that school is out and that Arin came to see him.

Instead, when Dan sits up and flips the blanket off of his head, he finds Barry there, Ross sitting nearby at Dan's desk. Dan ruffles a hand through his hair, rubbing sleep from his eyes and glancing at the clock on his nightstand. It reads a little after noon.

"What are you guys doing here?"

It's lunch time. Occasionally, the lunch aids will let the older kids walk to the gas station near the school to grab snacks for lunch. It seems that, instead of going to the gas station, Barry and Ross came here.

"We came to check on you," Barry says, smiling at Dan - but it isn't a full smile, it's off, and Dan isn't used to seeing it on Barry.

"We also came to say that you need to fix this thing with Arin," Ross says, arching an eyebrow at Dan from the safety of Dan's desk chair.

Barry gives Ross an exasperated look, like, he wasn’t quite ready to jump to that topic yet. 

Dan's face flushes. "What...what do you mean?"

"You and Arin," Ross says. "Something is going on."

Dan shakes his head and opens his mouth to protest, but even Barry is giving him a skeptical look that has Dan letting his mouth fall closed.

"You barely talk to each other and Arin's been, like, really sad," Ross continues.

Dan feels guilt bubbling up inside of him. This is the last thing that he wanted. He was hoping that he hadn't been too obvious trying to avoid Arin, but, if Ross and Barry were here asking about Arin, then Dan hadn't hidden anything very well.

Speaking of Arin, if Barry and Ross were here during lunch, then where was Arin? As if Barry can read his mind and see the question forming, he sighs. "Arin didn't even come to lunch today."

"He didn't?" Dan asks. His stomach is beginning to hurt again, but in a different way this time. Now, it's guilt twisting his gut instead of extra-spicy snack food.

Ross frowns, shaking his head. "He went to the library instead. He skipped breakfast this morning, too."

"I..." Dan starts, feeling like crap. He's got no excuse, nothing that he can say that will fix this. He messed it all up. He got scared and ran away from Arin and, now, Arin's hurting. Dan isn't faring much better.

"I didn't mean to hurt him."

"Just..." Ross starts. He sounds tired. "Just fix it, Dan."

Dan nods, knowing that, even if Barry and Ross weren't insisting on it, he can't hide from Arin forever. Arin is still his best friend, still the person that Dan loves more than anyone else, and he wants to protect that, even if he hasn't been doing the greatest job at it lately.

"We gotta head back to the school before lunch is over," Barry says, he and Ross standing. Dan nods again. He almost wants them to tell Arin that he's sorry, that they'll talk soon, but he knows that that message coming from anyone but Dan wouldn't do any good.

Dan walks Barry and Ross to his front door, his thick comforter wrapped around his thin form as they bid him goodbye. Dan watches them go, groggy and tired all of the sudden despite the extra sleep that he had gotten. After they're gone, Dan goes back to his room. From his bedroom, he can see the square cut of Arin's bedroom window, the curtains drawn. He wishes so badly that he hadn't let things go so wrong.

A handful of hours later, Dan's mom gets home without his little sister in tow.

"Where's Dana?" Dan asks.

"She wanted to have a play date with one of her friends, so I said that it was fine," his mother says with a shrug as she sits on the couch. "Saves me the trouble of having to fight traffic."

Dan plops down next to her at the other end of the couch, curling his body in against the arm of the couch. She smiles at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Dan says as he forces himself to sit up straighter, to not look like he's completely miserable, ruffling a hand through his hair.

Dan's mom takes a deep breath, her face looking serious but soft for a moment before she schools it into a calm state. Dan feels nervous watching her.

"Dan," she starts, "is there something going on?" Her voice is easy, but there's a clear concern there. "You haven't seemed like yourself these last few days."

Dan's cheeks flush. He looks down at his knees, at the rumpled fabric of his pajama pants. Had he been so obvious? Dan's close to his mom. He tells her a lot. Right now, he's bursting to spill his guts about everything that's been bothering him these last few days.

"You don't have to tell me," she says, "but, if you're not okay, then I'd like to know."

Dan looks up at her. The concern in her eyes is real, and it makes his chest hurt. He feels so dumb, so stupid, but utterly terrified at the same time. He can't. He can't sit in silence anymore. He has to tell someone.

"You..." Dan starts. He doesn't look at his mom, instead choosing to pick at his pajama pants. "You remember when you gave me 'the talk'?"

He looks up at his mom and sees her nod, her expression calm and open, listening to him.

"And you said that, if I had any questions...?"

Again, she nods. "Is that what this is? You have a question?"

"I..." Dan's heart is in his throat. He's so scared that he's beginning to shake. "I'm not sure what's happening to me."

"Is there a girl?" his mom asks. "A girl at school?"

Dan's eyes slide closed, knowing that right now is where things change, where something falls into place, heavy and scary...but he has to tell her. He has to tell someone.

"It's...Arin," Dan says. He doesn't open his eyes, doesn't look at his mom. If he stops now, then he might never finish. He might never speak again. He can't do that. He has to see this through, for himself and for Arin. "I think about him all of the time and it makes my chest hurt...it makes me feel weird and I... he’s my best friend and I... I don't know."

There's a silence where Dan is waiting for his mom's reaction, waiting for her to say something. She doesn't, and he lets his eyes open to finds her looking at him with soft, sad eyes. She leans forward and rests her hand on his knee, her palm hot and heavy, the weight of her touch grounding him.

"You don't know what your feelings mean?"

Dan nods. "I... think about holding his hand," he admits, his face growing hot. "I think about the girls at school, too, and they make me feel weird, but not like when I think about Arin. I'm...I think that I'm messed up inside."

"Oh, Dan," she says, touching his face now, running her fingers through his hair. "You are absolutely not messed up inside."

Dan can feel his body trembling. If he isn't messed up, then why does he feel so bad? Why is everything ruined? Why can't he look Arin in the eyes anymore?

"I think that I'm in love with him, Mom," Dan admits, his voice a whisper across the house, the living room where he's spent the majority of his life, ghosts of memories with Arin spilling across the floor, every corner Dan looks possessing something that reminds him of Arin. His chest is aching, pulsing; he feels like he's going to cry.

His mom doesn't pull away, her touch firm and constant, and that makes Dan feel like he's going to cry, too.

"It's okay, Dan. We weren't all made to fit in boxes. Life isn't neat and tidy. People are strange, complex things, especially when it comes to love."

To hear that it's okay, that she isn't mad, that he isn't broken or messed up...it makes Dan's eyes water. He wills himself not to cry. He's not a baby, he doesn't need to cry.

His mom finds his hand, holding it, squeezing lightly.

"I'm scared," Dan breathes.

She nods, and it looks like she's near tears, too. "I know, and it is scary. I can't promise you that things won't be hard, won't be difficult, but you can't hide yourself because of that, Dan. You can never let people make you anything but what you are."

Dan's jaw tightens at her words and he nods. He's never been popular or unpopular, floating somewhere in the social purgatory of the middle school landscape. When he was in elementary school, he got made fun of because of his dad's thick accent. Dan hated it and it made him cry, made him embarrassed to have his dad pick him up from school. Back then, he'd received a speech similar to this, to not be embarrassed by the things that you can't change.

Dan can't change how his heart speeds up when he thinks about Arin.

His mom leans in and captures him in a hug, squeezing at him the way that she always did when he was little and they'd cuddle on the couch before Dan had to go to bed. He presses his face into her shoulder and, for a moment, he wants to be a kid again, young enough that his only problem was how many tries it was going to take before he and Arin beat Metroid.

"I'm guessing that Arin doesn't know?" his mom asks.

Dan freezes up in her arms, but he shakes his head. "No."

"Is that why he hasn't been around much?"

"I..."

"I know," his mom says, patting the back of his head. She leans back so that she can look into Dan's eyes. "It's difficult, but, first and foremost, Arin needs to know how you feel, or at least know why you've been ignoring him. He's your best friend and he deserves that."

Dan nods, knowing that his mom is right but wishing like hell that she wasn't. Telling her already felt like too much, even though Dan already feels better having it out there, having the knowledge exist somewhere besides the inside of his head. What if he tells Arin and Arin hates him? What if he loses Arin no matter what he does?

There’s another issue plaguing Dan, blurring his mind and making him feel uneasy.

"Do I need to tell Dad?"

His mom smiles softly, touching his face as she moves away from him.

"Eventually," she says. "It doesn't have to be right now."

Dan bites his lip. Even imagining telling his dad what he had just spilled to his mom makes him nervous. What would his dad think? What would he say about the things that Dan couldn't change?

"Don't worry about it," his mom says. "I'm sure that he'll give you the same speech as me, just..." She waves her hand around. "...with less words."

Dan wants to believe his mom, hopes that she's right about everything. The two of them sit in companionable silence until she pushes up off of the couch.

"I'm going to start dinner. Do you want to help?"

Dan almost agrees, but he knows that there's something far more urgent that he needs to do right now. He shakes his head and stands to head back to his bedroom.

"I think that I need to see Arin."


	4. The Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every step through the grass of his front yard feels like a death march. His heart is fluttering wildly against his rib cage. He walks slowly, sluggishly, around the side of his house toward the backyard and the swing set, long since used. He stops before he reaches the backyard, pausing under his bedroom window and across from Arin's.

Dan's heart is in his throat as he goes to his room to tug on his least dirty pair of jeans and toe on his ratty sneakers. From the safe haven of his room, he can see Arin's bedroom light. His breath quickens already, terrified to face up to Arin, to tell him everything.

He takes a deep breath. He knows that, if he lets this go on, then things will only get worse, will continue to grow more awkward and strange between him and his friends, him and _Arin_. Right now, the possibility of losing Arin forever is far scarier than having to fess up to his feelings.

His mom is in the kitchen starting dinner, so she doesn't notice Dan leave through the front door. If she does, then she doesn’t say anything. She probably already knows where he's heading.

Every step through the grass of his front yard feels like a death march. His heart is fluttering wildly against his rib cage. He walks slowly, sluggishly, around the side of his house toward the backyard and the swing set, long since used. He stops before he reaches the backyard, pausing under his bedroom window and across from Arin's.

The only thing separating them is the low shrubs that have only grown marginally higher in the seven years that Dan has lived here. They're still small enough for him to step over, finally at Arin's bedroom window, angled low, wide. Arin's curtains are drawn, but, if they weren't, then Dan would be able to see right into Arin's room from this position.

He takes a deep breath, feeling like a man who's about to confess to a horrendous crime. He can barely breath, barely think, his body practically on autopilot as he raises his loosely-clenched fist and knocks on Arin's window.

For a second, Dan considers the raw fear that Arin will ignore him. It serves Dan right, after all, for how shitty that he's been the last couple of days. Arin is a better person than Dan, though, and he can hear Arin's footsteps padding against the dull, faded blue carpet of his bedroom floor.

Dan is as familiar with Arin's house, Arin's room, as he is with his own. He's spent many nights, many hours, of his childhood there, lying on his stomach on the floor, playing with Arin's Transformers, engaging in full-scale battles while sunlight streamed in through the window, falling across the carpet and warming their backs and faces.

It's barely two breaths before Dan can see Arin's shadow against the curtain, which is then drawn back, leaving Dan almost eye-to-eye with his best friend, his entire world.

He looks up into Arin's eyes, scanning his face for any sign of anger, of hate. Arin is sort of blank, sort of soft and sad, and he looks as tired as Dan's been feeling. Dan can see when Arin's eyes register him, really take him in, and, for a second, his features brighten, the same as always - but his face dims just as quickly. Dan knows that it's his fault. He stole that light from Arin.

Still, Arin opens the window for him, pressing it up and letting the heat from inside roll out and over Dan's face and arms.

"Hi," Dan says softly, sounding young. He hates when he sounds like a kid. He doesn't feel like a kid anymore; he _isn't_ a kid anymore. His body needs to catch up.

"Hi?" Arin says, sounding confused and a little wary. Dan doesn't blame him. He watches as Arin leans his arms against the thick sill of the window, his face carefully blank above Dan. "What do you want?"

"I want to say..." Dan starts, his brain buzzing so loudly that he can barely hear himself think. It feels like alarms are ringing in his head, like his blood is fizzing in his veins. "I want to say that I'm sorry. I've been a jerk these last couple of days."

Arin nods sagely. "Kinda."

Dan feels pain prickle against his skin. Arin's voice isn't what he's used to. It isn't honey-sweet and warm, edged with humor. This Arin, with his dull voice and careful face...Dan doesn't know him.

"I wanna explain," Dan says, his voice taking on an urgency. He really does want to make things right. It's late, but he's here now.

"I... I thought that you were mad at me," Arin says, and the pain in his words is evident.

Dan lets his eyes flutter closed. He feels like absolute crap. How could he do this? How could he screw things up so badly? He might not be done, either. He might make things even worse.

"I could never be mad at you. Not ever." It's almost the truth. You don't go through seven years of friendship with someone without arguing a few times. It's never been close to this mess, though, always resolved in a few hours, a day at most.

Arin's jaw tightens and his eyebrows arch up in surprise. "Then why are you being so weird?" he asks, his tone verging on desperate, like he's struggling so hard to understand what happened, how he got shut out of Dan's world so quickly.

Dan’s heart is hummingbird fast, wild in his chest. He's come so far that there's no way that he can back down now. He's teetering on the edge of something and there's no place to go but down, no matter what happens once he lands.

"I..." Dan starts, his voice shaking of its own will. His mom's words float through his head. _Arin deserves to know_. Dan nods to himself, his hands shaking as he reaches one up and puts it on Arin's windowsill, right between the space of Arin's elbows, like holding a piece of Arin's room will anchor him, will prevent this from falling apart once the truth is out.

"Dan?" Arin asks gently, causing Dan to tilt his face up so that their eyes meet. Arin looks concerned. He can probably see Dan trembling here on the grass.

"I... I figured something out." His mouth is throwing words out before he fully understands where he's going with them. "Something important and... I need to tell you."

"Okay," Arin says quickly, and Dan catches a flash of nerves pass through his gaze. "What is it?"

Memories fill Dan's head. He thinks back to the first time that he called Arin his best friend to his face, how it was late at night that first week in his new house, the two of them sitting on the swings in Dan's backyard. Dan had looked at his new friend, chest bursting with affection, and had asked, "Do you wanna be my best friend?" Arin had smiled, had nodded, had said, "Yeah! Best friends _forever_."

"Forever" might as well be the length of a blink of an eye if things go bad right now.

Arin is waiting expectantly for Dan to keep talking. As scared as Dan is, he can't keep it inside, the words on his tongue, tasting heavy and too sweet.

"Have you ever looked at someone and their smile made your stomach hurt?" Dan asks, not really expecting an answer, not wanting one if Arin's stomach hurts for someone other than him. "Or your skin feels really hot whenever you look at them? And you just...you just want to be around them all of the time and you want so much that you don't even know _what_ you want, you just know that you want to be with them and no one else?"

Trying to explain his feelings for Arin feels impossible. Everything feels too big, too abstract, to make any damn sense.

Dan is quiet for a moment, scanning Arin's face for any sign of knowledge of what the hell Dan's talking about. Arin's still blank, but his eyes are moving, searching Dan's face. Dan's sure that he's going to break, to fall apart. His throat is dry, heart nearly exploding in his chest.

"I know that I sound stupid, but I do feel that stuff and...and I feel it when I'm around you, Arin," Dan whispers, not able to force the words any louder than a wisp of wind.

It's out there in a single moment, solid and full in a way that Dan hopes Arin will understand.

Arin's face softens and his eyes widen, deep, dark brown, so big, locked on Dan. As time passes with no sound, no words, Dan's hopes crash to Earth, crumble into dust on the ground. It was stupid, _so_ stupid, to think Arin could ever return these feelings, could ever understand what kind of calamity is going on inside of Dan.

To break the silence, Dan keeps talking, just so he's hearing something, _anything_ that isn't this mind-numbing silence. "I like you, Arin. I like you in this big, terrifying way. I'm sorry. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose that and I... I needed you to know. That's why I've been weird. I think about you all of the time and I want to hold your hand and... please, Arin. Please just say that we’ll still be friends? Just say that you don't hate me."

Dan can handle rejection. He'll have to either way. What he can't handle is Arin being disgusted by him, hating him. What he won't be able to handle is never being close to Arin again because Dan's made it weird between them.

More silence greets Dan, and he lets his eyes fall closed again because he can feel them watering. The last thing that he wants is to cry in front of Arin. His whole body trembles. He feels like he's going to break apart, to dissolve into nothing.

Then Dan can feel a warmth on top of his hand, still anchored to Arin's windowsill. His eyes fly open to see Arin's hand on top of his, holding it softly but completely there, no hesitation in his touch. His eyes flicker up from Arin's hand to his face, greeted by a smile tinged with sadness.

"Thank you for telling me," Arin says, his voice as careful as it was before. Dan feels his heart dropping to his feet. He's waiting for it. 'Thank you for telling me, but I could never feel the same. I don't want to see you again. Thank you, but no.' "I couldn't ever hate you, Dan."

Dan nods, curt, jerky, like he isn't human anymore. A sadness takes a hold of him, thick, hot. He had thought that this might happen, had expected it. His walk to Arin's house had felt like approaching the gallows and, now, here he is, staring up at Arin from the basket, head lopped off in one quick slice.

"I don't hate you at all. You're my best friend and I..." Arin bites his lip and, before Dan even realizes what's happening, leans over the windowsill, bringing his face to Dan's, one hand braced on the ledge as the other cups Dan's cheek, warm, familiar. He smells like comic books, like pencils, like that weird soap that his mom always buys for their bathroom. All of the air is sucked from Dan's lungs as he gasps at Arin's touch.

The feather-soft touch of Arin's mouth finds Dan's. They're...they're _kissing_.

If Dan had thought that he was going to collapse before, then it's nothing compared to how his knees go weak now. Arin's lips are warm, warmer than anything that Dan's ever felt before. He smells like Pepsi and his lips are chapped, a little rough, but Dan has never felt anything better in his life. If he'd ever thought that this was wrong, then he knows now that it can't be because nothing in his relatively short life has ever felt so right.

It's over fast, over before Dan can even really comprehend what just happened. Arin pulls back, his cheeks flushed a light pink. Dan can feel his own face burning red-hot. He can barely speak, definitely can't be expected to form coherent thoughts right now. Arin...Arin just kissed him.

"What - what - " Dan stammers.

"I like you, too, Dan," Arin says with a smile, face burning but happy, happier than it's looked the last couple of days. "Like...stomach-hurting like you."

"You...you do?"

Arin nods. "I asked Nate what it meant if I felt weird all the time, like, warm, whenever I thought of someone and he made fun of me, but he also said that it meant that I liked them. You make me feel all warm, Dan."

"I... I do?"

Arin nods again, laughing a little. The sound fills Dan with life, refreshes him, brings him back full-force. Dan doesn't know what's supposed to happen now. He hadn't planned that far ahead, hadn't even let himself dream of the possibility that Arin might like him back, but now it's happening and Dan has no clue what the next step is supposed to be. Every dumb show that his little sister watches has people going out, going on dates, and Dan's mind is so addled, so jumbled and rushed from the kiss, from Arin's words, from everything, that Dan can only think of one thing to say.

"Do you wanna go on a date with me?"

Arin's flush deepens as he smiles, big and bright.

"I totally want to go on a date with you, Dan."


	5. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saying "I love you." is the easy part, it's everything that comes after that's hard.

Dan grins like an idiot all the way back to his house.

He can smell dinner cooking in the kitchen, and the clatter of pans settles him in a weird way. Confessing to Arin, Arin giving Dan a confession of his own, has made him feel renewed, weightless, like a boulder has been lifted from his shoulders. Everything is fine - better than fine. Everything is _perfect_.

Dan's mom must hear the front door close because she peeks out from the kitchen, her expression schooled, like she isn't sure what to expect from Dan. He can see when her gaze softens, when a smile that mirrors his own flickers across her face.

"How did things go, Dan?" she asks, her voice soft but amused.

Dan clears his throat and tries to remember how to breathe, so fixated on the memory of the warmth of Arin's lips, the pressure of his mouth against Dan's. He's sure that his face is red, betraying every ounce of subtlety that he was trying to achieve.

"It went...it went good," he says. He can feel his face splitting into a dumb grin as he hurries to his bedroom. "I...um, I have homework!" he calls as an afterthought. He can hear his mom's amused snort as he closes his bedroom door, resting his back against the wood for a moment, letting his eyes close.

Arin likes him back.

_Arin likes him back._

Dan had barely let himself believe that this outcome was possible. Now that it's happened, he isn't sure what to do next. What does it mean? Does it mean that Arin is his boyfriend now? Or do they have to go on a date first? When are they supposed to kiss again? More importantly, how is Dan supposed to ride to school with Arin tomorrow morning and not want to kiss him again?

From his room, Dan can see Arin's window, the curtain drawn back slightly, enough that Dan can see a slice of Arin's carpet. His heart flutters just looking at it, remembering Arin leaning out that window to give Dan his first kiss.

Dan sits down and grabs his cell phone off of his desk, dialing Barry's number. He's got to tell someone about this kiss, someone that isn't his mom. The phone rings once before he feels a spike of panic. Should he tell Barry? Could he tell Barry about the kiss that he shared with Arin? Arin felt the same, but what would Barry think? Ross? The other kids at their school? He's seen it happen more than once - if you're different, if you don't fit in, then you're singled out, then you're targeted.

Barry picks up. "Hello?"

Dan is silent, heart beating in his throat, his previous lightness replaced by weight, returning to lock around his ankles, making him crash to Earth.

"Dan?"

"Um," Dan says, "sorry, Bar. I must have dialed you by mistake."

"Oh," Barry says, sounding slightly confused, "that's okay. Hey, are you feeling any better?"

"Uh," Dan says, his mind so full that he barely takes in Barry's words, "yeah, I think so?"

"Cool. So we'll see you at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Dan says before saying goodbye and hanging up, setting his phone back on his desk. He's got nerves building up inside of him all over again. It hadn't occurred to him that, just because he and Arin were okay with being in a relationship with each other, with being in love, it didn't mean that the rest of the world would be okay with it.

Dan remembers his mom's words after he'd explained his feelings for Arin, the mystifying, terrifying feelings that he could barely understand, let alone articulate. She'd said that it wouldn't be easy - and Dan has a feeling that she's going to be right.

Still, even this new fear can't dampen Dan's spirits completely. He'd kissed Arin, a fact that has him floating, giddy. He can't stop grinning, can't stop replaying those short seconds where their lips had met.

The rest of the night passes quickly. Dan has dinner with his parents and his little sister, but he doesn't mention what had happened, doesn't tell his dad the real reason his mood's much better. Even Dana scoffs at him across the table, rolling her eyes and telling him that he's being weird.

As Dan falls asleep that night, his eyes scanning the dim ceiling of his bedroom, he lets himself imagine what it might be like if Arin were in the room with him. They've had one hundred or more sleepovers, have shared tents, have slept on Dan's floor side by side in sleeping bags, have both slept in each other’s' beds, but all that Dan can imagine now is Arin's warm body next to his, their hands locked together and the steady sound of Arin's breathing lulling Dan to sleep.

Dan swears that he dreams of the sweetest smile that he's ever seen in his life that night.

\--

Dan bounds out of the house the next morning, his book bag thudding against his lower back. He's never loved school, but he does alright, well enough to get by. It isn't the prospect of going to school that has him excited, anyway - it's seeing Arin. Even if they can't do anything, he's just happy to see his best friend turned crush turned...well, something that Dan can't label yet.

Arin is standing on his porch, hands hooked around the straps of his bag. When he spots Dan, his eyes light up. Dan rushes up to him, stopping short because he doesn't know what to do now. He knows what he _wants_ to do, though - he wants to kiss Arin again, his heart bursting with so much affection that he can barely stand it.

"Hi," Arin says almost shyly, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks.

"Hey," Dan says, aware that he's grinning like an idiot. Lucky for him, Arin is, too.

It's all too soon that Arin's brother is strolling out of the house, accompanied by Mrs. Hanson, who smiles sweetly at Dan. "Glad to see you this morning, Dan," she says, patting his shoulder as she passes him, heading to the car, Dan and Arin following along behind her.

They take their usual spots in the backseat of the Hanson family car. If they sit a little closer than usual, then no one says anything. Dan smiles as he feels Arin's thigh pressed warmly against his own. Dan has the insane urge to hold Arin's hand in the backseat, lace their fingers together and see how Arin's hand would feel this way, if they would feel different than he remembers them feeling all of those years ago when they would hold hands as kids.

"I was thinking about what you said last night," Arin murmurs as he looks at Dan.

Dan's heart speeds up. He said a lot last night, so he's not exactly sure what Arin is referring to, but he knows that they probably shouldn't talk about it in front of Arin's family.

"What do you mean?"

"Our date," Arin whispers, barely moving his lips but close enough that Dan is able to catch the words, his heart beating quickly in his chest as he remembers that they are, in fact, going to go on a date.

"What about it?"

"We can do it on Saturday," Arin says. "That sounds good, right?"

Dan nods. No school, the whole day free and open in front of them - it sounds perfect, though Dan can hardly wait the two days until Saturday.

"Sounds awesome," Dan says. Arin's grin widens that much more.

Once they arrive at school, Arin follows Dan to his locker. This is where Dan is most nervous, where his fears really start to sink in. What if everyone can tell that something has changed? What if they know what Arin and Dan have become just by looking at them?

"Hey, Arin?" Dan asks as he roots around inside of his locker for his math book.

"Yeah?"

Dan sighs, glancing at him. "I was thinking that...well, we've gotta be careful at school, you know?"

"'Be careful'?" Arin asks, his face screwed up in confusion.

Dan nods, finding his book and tugging it out of his locker, sliding it into his open backpack.

"Yeah, like, when we're here, we've gotta pretend like we're just friends, right?"

Dan sees Arin's face fall for a fraction of a second, but, just as quickly, he's nodding, eyes searching Dan like he's got all of the answers.

"Okay, Dan."

Dan sighs, closing his locker before leaning against it. "I'd hold your hand right now if I could. You know that, right?"

Arin smiles, something so real and warm that Dan's chest hurts. He nods again. It's driving Dan crazy that he can't touch him, can't reach out and brush the stray strands of Arin's hair away from his face. Their classmates are milling around everywhere - there's no way that Dan can do that, can touch without all eyes being on them.

"Saturday," Dan says. "I'll totally hold your hand on Saturday."

"You better," Arin threatens, his cheeks going pink again.

The first bell rings, interrupting them. As much as Dan doesn't want to, he has to head to class.

"See you later?" he asks.

Arin smiles, his hand reaching out to touch Dan's elbow through his jacket. It's passing, nearly undetectable, but Dan still feels the heat of Arin's touch as he plops down into his desk for homeroom.

\--

The first half of the school day is thankfully short, but Dan still counts down the minutes until lunchtime, until he can see Arin again. They sit together, thighs touching again, but that's all Dan dares to do with their entire class surrounding them and Barry and Ross sitting across from them.

As far as anyone else is concerned, everything is back to normal. They spend the lunch hour laughing, joking around, as easy as it's always been, the only difference being how Arin's laugh now sends Dan's heart beating into triple time.

After school, it's business as usual, Arin and Dan walking home as they always have. The roads winding back to Walnut Street are mostly bare, and, after a torturous day of forcing himself not to touch Arin nearly as much as he's wanted to, Dan gets brave. As they walk in step, he lets his fingers brush against Arin's.

Arin gasps in surprise and looks up at Dan, a small smile blooming across his face. He's apparently braver than Dan because it's him that actually reaches out and takes a hold of Dan's hand, not lacing their fingers but instead holding hands loosely. His hand is soft and so, so hot. Dan feels his pulse begin to race, his throat tightening just from this simple touch.

He scans the street around them, but it's barren, not even a car passing them by.

"Is this okay?" Arin asks cautiously.

Dan nods, but his nerves are still there. He's scared that someone is going to pop out at them, catch them in the act.

"It feels nice," he says.

Arin laughs. "I hope so!"

Just as Dan gets comfortable, relaxing with the feeling of Arin's hand in his own, a car rumbles down the road. Dan lets go of Arin's hand like he's been physically shocked by his touch. Arin looks surprised, but he doesn't say anything, and, when the car has passed, his hand is wrapped around the thick strap of his backpack instead of twined with Dan's.

They part ways on the sidewalk between their houses. Hellos and goodbyes are weird now. Just saying the words doesn't feel like enough anymore. Dan feels he should do more, but he's not sure what. His imagination offers up the image of himself cupping Arin's cheek, feeling that smile against his palm.

"See you later?" Arin offers.

Dan nods, unable to do anything else. "You know it."

\--

Dan goes to his bedroom after dinner, attempting to work on homework. His English assignment is nowhere near as captivating as the thoughts of Arin that roll through his head on a nearly constant basis, though. He dreams of Saturday, of being able to just hang out with Arin for a few hours with nothing getting in the way.

A soft knock on Dan's bedroom window pulls him from his thoughts. He glances toward the drawn curtains, knowing only one person who ever bothers to come to his window. He pads across the room, heart beating quickly as draws back the curtain to find Arin standing there, peering in and grinning, a mirror to their previous conversation when Dan had confessed his feelings.

Dan is quick to open his window. The sun has just set, the early twilight glowing around Arin.

"What are you doing?" Dan asks.

"I came to ask if you wanted to go up on your roof again," Arin responds, a frankly _lovely_ smile spreading across his face.

Dan glances at the homework on his desk, knowing already that it stands no chance against Arin. "Sure, yeah, hold on."

He goes to toe on his sneakers before he's back at the window. He's had practice climbing in and out of his window, years of perfecting the small drop from windowsill to ground. Arin backs up to give Dan room. He's taller now, his legs longer, and it's even easier for him to slip out of the window and find solid ground.

"I thought that you didn't like the roof," Dan says as he leads Arin to the backside of his house, his dad's ladder still leaning against the house from when Dan and Arin had used it a few days ago.

"No way! You convinced me, remember? The view's awesome."

Dan's chest fills with pride at the fact that he showed something to Arin that impressed him. Arin isn't always the easiest to impress, but it's never been too hard for Dan to find something that Arin could appreciate.

The two of them climb the ladder just as they had before, Dan first, followed by Arin, Dan turning once he's on the roof to offer his hand to Arin and help him up. They knee-walk across the shingles until they find the same spot that they'd sat in before.

The night is cool, Dan only in a t-shirt, Arin having had the sense to grab a hoodie before he climbed out his own window. They sit together, closer than they have all day, bodies pressed shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. The view around them isn't as impressive as that first night because the sun has already set, a dull blue glow cast around them as the sky fades into the beginning of a deep, dark night.

The streetlights lining their road begin to pop on, hazy golden orbs in the dark. The other houses look cozy with their lights on, the busier part of town glittering in the far-off distance. Dan hears Arin draw a deep breath, and he glances at his friend, finding Arin's already meeting his gaze.

"I have to tell you something," Arin says.

"Okay," Dan says, nerves setting in again. What could Arin have to say? Has he changed his mind about this thing between them? The date? "What is it?"

“I didn't want to come up here just to see the view again," Arin admits in a small voice, sounding young.

Dan's heart speeds up. "You, uh...you didn't?"

"No," Arin says, sliding closer, his hand finding Dan's where it's braced against the rooftop, resting over it, "I wanted to come up here so that I could kiss you again."

Dan gasps, a sharp intake of breath. His heart is practically a jackhammer in his chest. He wants nothing more than to kiss Arin again, and to know that clearly Arin wants that, too, sets something spinning through his mind.

Arin is close enough that his nose brushes Dan's cheek as he whispers, "It's okay," his breath against Dan's cheek. "We're all alone. We're safe here."

Dan nods. It's like his body is a magnet with the way that it's drawn to Arin, who turns with ease, like it's all natural. His fear fades as he realizes that no one can find them up here, this secret world that's all their own. Arin's right - they're safe here.

Dan reaches out and cups Arin's cheek with a shaking hand, just like he'd wanted to that morning at school. He can feel Arin's mouth turn up in a smile, his eyes fluttering closed as he leans in those last few inches.

Their mouths are meeting for the second time. Arin's mouth is just as warm. Dan's hand rests on his face, one of Arin's hands holding Dan's elbow again, almost clinging, palm so hot against his cool skin.

All of the air leaves Dan's body, his heart soaring like a rocket, his mind melted down to nothing. All that he knows right now is Arin, Arin's _mouth_ , all of his senses dwindled down to the sweet touch of their lips. Dan doesn't know what he’s doing, but he likes the feeling of their mouths pressed together, Arin's smell invading his nostrils, the smell that Dan wears like a second skin.

They break the kiss to breathe, a few shaky gasps before their lips meet again in a slightly wetter smack. Dan's seen people kiss on TV, in movies; he's seen Arin's older brother kiss girls outside, leaning against his car at the end of a date. None of those kisses are like how he's kissing Arin right now, but that's okay. This is good. This is enough.

Their hands find each other, their fingers lacing as their mouths meet and break, like waves crashing together in short, sweet kisses. Neither of them really knows what they're doing, but Dan doesn't mind exploring their options. His whole world is the press of Arin's mouth, the feeling of his hands holding Dan's so fiercely, like he never wants to let go.

Dan doesn't want to let go, either. Not ever.


	6. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally Saturday, the day of Dan and Arin's first date.

Saturday finally arrives and Dan wakes up with an excitement in his chest. Finally, a whole day just for him and Arin; their first _date_. Dan is nervous, but in a good way, the butterflies in his stomach sort of nervous, the kind that pulses a giddy feeling through his veins. He and Arin had agreed to meet later in the afternoon, mostly because Arin doesn’t even wake up until around eleven am on the weekend. 

As Dan mentally sorts through his outfits, trying to narrow down what to wear for the date, he hears a firm knock on the door. 

He looks up as he says, “Come in?” 

Dan’s door opens and then Dan’s dad is peeking into the room, smiling as he finds Dan. 

“Dan, are you gonna spend all day in your room?” 

Dan smiles. It’s Saturday and his dad has the day off, which usually has the man puttering around the house and trying to get everyone together for quality family time, since everyone is usually so busy during the week. 

“Ah, sorry dad, I just got up a little bit ago.” 

Avi’s eyes are soft as they search Dan, and he smiles. 

“There’s a soccer game on maybe?” Avi says, as if he thinks he needs to coax Dan with things he enjoys to get Dan to spend time with him. 

“Okay,” Dan says, pushing up from his bed, following his dad out of his room. Already he can hear the sound of Dana playing with dolls in the corner of the living room, and the sizzle of his mom cooking a late breakfast in the kitchen. 

Dan sits on the couch with his dad, curling up against the arm as his dad takes the opposite end. He scans their usual favorite channels, trying to find a game they can watch. Dan usually watches football, baseball, soccer, whatever sport he and his dad can seem to find on the TV. It’s a good connecting factor for them, it always has been. 

Dan’s always enjoyed sports, the thrill of the game, and he remembers a couple of years ago after they had settled into the house Dan had tried out for the local baseball team. He was godawful, limbs long and uncoordinated. His dad had accepted that his son would never be an athlete; but sometimes, now, with Dan sprouting taller, thinner with puberty and age, Dan thinks maybe he sees the ghost of an idea pass over Avi’s face, the thought that maybe if Dan tried again he would be good after-all.

Avi makes a pleased noise when he finds a soccer game. Dan can’t place the countries playing, but Avi seems happy. They settle into the game and Dan tries his hardest to focus; but his mind and body are still jumbled, filled to the brim with anticipation for later today. Avi might notice Dan’s unusual quietness during the game, which he might take as Dan no longer remembering the rules for futbol. Avi points things out, which players he likes and why, their pros and cons, and Dan does listen, nodding and throwing in his two cents. A big part of watching games with his dad is breaking things down to stats and order. 

“So,” his dad says twenty minutes into the game, “What are you going to do today?” 

“Ah,” Dan says, and slight panic twitches through him, “I’m gonna, um, Arin and I are going to go hang out downtown?” 

Avi nods, smiles like he’s not surprised to receive this answer, 

“Like you’re glued to him,” Avi says with a laugh. 

Dan shrugs and for a moment he gets that familiar prickling feeling of guilt. His dad doesn’t know about him and Arin. Dan hadn’t confessed it to him like he had his mom. He doesn’t think his dad would hate him, he’s pretty sure, but anytime he thinks of telling his dad he gets this lump in his throat, this surge of _‘what-if_ , what if Avi took it bad? What if he was disappointed? What if he got mad? What if Dan wasn’t allowed to see Arin anymore? 

Dan is only just now beginning to understand what his feelings for Arin mean in the grand scheme of things; he’s not ready or able to explain it to anyone else, not right now. He’ll tell Avi eventually. When things are right, when he’s ready, when it’s not the day of his first date. 

\--

The rest of the morning passes easily. Dan, his sister, and his parents all at the table for breakfast. One of those picture perfect moments that you realize will be the kind of thing you wind up remembering years from now and smiling at. After breakfast Dan pads back to his room, and peeks into his closet, focusing on what he’ll wear. 

There’s not really a need to impress Arin. The other boy has seen Dan in practically everything, including stupid Halloween costumes, and the stuffy clothes his parents put him in for their Hanukkah dinner each year, but still Dan thinks he should probably _try_ to look nice.

Dan ends up wearing a simple grey sweater, the one his parents had him wear to his Great Uncle’s birthday party a few months ago. He peeks at himself in the mirror in his bedroom, running a hand through his shaggy hair; the nerves resurfacing. Dan glances at his bedroom window. He has his curtains drawn, but now he moves to the window and pushes the curtains aside, maybe hoping to catch sight of Arin. 

Arin’s curtains are drawn, but his window is opened a crack, a light breeze ruffling the fabric, giving Dan a second-long glance into Arin’s room, too fast to really see anything. There are ten minutes to wait before he and Arin are supposed to meet up. Dan’s not sure he can even wait for one more second. He grabs his wallet- a Hanukkah gift from his Grandma last year- making sure he had remembered to grab his allowance and what money he had saved up in his room before running a hand through his hair again and heading out the door. 

His parents don’t question where he’s going or why he might be dressed a little better than usual. His mother tells him to call in an hour and check in, and Dan shouts his agreement as he closes the front door. Dan’s heart is in his throat as he walks down the sidewalk, heading up to Arin’s house. He tries to tell himself that it’s no different from the several hundreds of times he’s made this walk before. Arin might be as excited as Dan is because Dan doesn’t even make it up to the front door before Arin is bounding out of the house and walking down the front lawn to join Dan on the sidewalk. 

“Hi,” Arin says, small and sweet, a faint pink coloring his cheeks already. 

Again Dan has the urge to brush hair out of his face, to touch, and hold, and kiss as they had done on the roof the other night. They had stayed up there until it was close to their curfews, until Dan was shivering against Arin’s body from the cold night air. It felt like both an eternity of kissing, laughing, holding hands, and yet not enough; like the blink of an eye. 

Arin is wearing a t-shirt and jeans and Dan feels momentarily silly, like he should change, but then Arin is smiling at him. 

“I always liked that sweater.” 

Dan scoffs, “When I wore it the first time you called me a nerd.” 

Arin grins, “I like nerds, that’s why I like you.” 

Dan rolls his eyes but his smile is wide. How does Arin always do that? How does he settle Dan down like no one else in the world can? 

“Are you ready to go?” Arin asks. 

Dan nods, and the two of them set off heading in the direction of the heart of their city. They are lucky to live in a neighborhood not set too far from most of the important locations of their lives; their school, the business district- which was their goal for today-, a really cool diner with waitresses that don’t mind too much if Arin and Dan order sodas and then hang around for close to two hours nursing their drinks and goofing off. 

For their date the two of them had agreed on the local arcade. It made sense. Video games have always been something they shared, so it made sense to go there for their date. Maybe it was to settle their shared nerves, to put them somewhere familiar, somewhere that already felt like home. 

The neighborhood is a little busy for a Saturday afternoon so during the walk over they don’t hold hands, they don’t touch, but Dan is so aware of how close Arin is and how much he wants to lace their fingers together. His heart is in his throat because he could so easily take Arin’s hand right now and not care if anyone else saw, but… he does care, as much as he wishes he didn’t. 

Arin doesn’t seem to mind; he’s focused on telling a story about something stupid Ross did in class yesterday, grinning as he tells Dan, this light dancing behind his eyes that has Dan’s heart stuttering in his chest. When Arin’s finished his story and they are left in a lull, a thought pops into Dan’s head. 

“Hey, Arin?” 

“Yeah?” Arin asks, glancing at Dan. 

“Do, um, did you tell your parents about us?” Dan asks. The thought had occurred to him earlier, how he was hiding his feelings from his dad, and Dan hadn’t even considered if Arin was hiding their relationship too. Dan’s not sure what he wants, probably that they didn’t know, considering how easy it would be for one of Arin’s parents to tell Dan’s dad about them. 

Arin’s face is careful, eyebrows rising in mild surprise. 

“No, I didn’t tell them, Nate either. All my mom knows is that last week I was bummed and this week I’m happy. I think she’s pretty relieved actually.” 

Dan nods, relief flooding him. So, only Dan’s mom knows, and even then he didn’t outright say that he and Arin were dating because, well, Dan doesn’t know what they are doing really. He knows they are going on a date and they kiss, and hold hands but he doesn’t know what any of it means in the long-run. 

“Do yours?” Arin is asking. 

“My, ah, my mom kinda? I told her I thought I like-liked you.” 

Arin smiles, “Well, your mom is cool.” 

Dan nods, feeling a flush of pride, “She is.” 

\--

In fifteen minutes they make it to the arcade. Dan holds the door open for Arin when they get there, letting the younger boy pass through first. Arin grins at him as he slips inside, Dan following behind them. The arcade is noisy, a cacophony of machines all vying for attention, bright lights flashing at them, begging to be played. They have their favorite games, their go-to’s, the ones they are actually good at and won’t just waste quarters trying to beat. 

Arin digs in his pocket for his wallet but Dan touches his wrist, stopping the movement. 

“I’ll get us some quarters,” he says, pulling out his own wallet; Arin’s skin so warm against his fingertips, the heat sticking with Dan as he pulls away to head to one of the token machines. 

Dan returns with small piles of quarters that he divvies up between Arin and himself. He gives Arin more than himself because Arin usually does better at the games they play and gets farther. Dan doesn’t mind watching him because Arin gets so into it, the concentration always so heavy on his face. 

The arcade isn’t as busy as it usually is when Dan and Arin come here to hang out. It might be because of the earlier time of their visit, or maybe because the weather is pretty nice outside. The other really busy area for kids their age on the weekends being the basketball court coupled with the park down by the high school. 

Still, there are some other kids in here, people Dan doesn’t recognize from school, possibly high schoolers, so even now he and Arin can’t really touch, not more than what people would consider strange for two best friends. Dan rests his hand on the back of Arin’s shoulder, because he has to touch Arin, at least in this little way. Dan leads him towards one of the shooting games, the ones with the little plastic guns attached by chains to the cabinets. Dan kind of sucks at these games, but Arin is alright, together they manage pretty well. 

Arin picks up the neon pink gun, leaving the blue for Dan. He grins big at Dan as the older boy loads the machine with quarters. 

“Ready to kick butt?” Arin asks. 

“Oh yeah, I’m ready to decimate these zombie jerks.” 

Dan picks up his gun and Arin nods, determination coloring his face as Dan hits the START button. 

They go through the rounds, both of them shrieking, giggling, shouting directions at each other. A zombie pops out from around a corner at Dan, and Dan screams in surprise, which causes Arin to die because he’s laughing too hard to focus on the game. Their two characters on screen get overpowered by zombies and are devoured. 

They use up their lives on the game quickly and Arin sets his gun back into the holster attached to the cabinet. His face is soft, eyes shining from laughter. Dan’s heart skips around in his chest. He’s not quite sure how anyone who loves another person can ever get anything done if they feel anything like Dan feels for Arin. How is he supposed to behave normally if he doesn’t even remember what normal is? Suddenly, he can’t remember what life was like before he knew what Arin’s hand felt like laced in his, or the pressure of Arin’s mouth. 

Arin’s fingers brush Dan’s wrist, not lingering, just a flash of a touch and Dan is pulled back to reality. Arin tilts his head towards another machine, further down the row, “Want to play Donkey Kong?” 

Dan nods and follows Arin down the blinking row of games until they find the one they were after. They trade-off on the next game, taking turns after each death. They stay close, their bodies brushing as they switch places in front of the cabinet. Each brush of hips or hands making Dan feel hot and dizzy, makes him fumble his turns and die way too quickly. 

Once they run out of quarters Dan nods towards the front counter of the arcade.   
“Do you want something to eat?” 

Breakfast hadn’t been that long ago, but the walk to the arcade had made Dan hot and a little hungry. Arin smiles and nods. 

“Yeah, I guess, but can I pay for it? You already got our quarters.” 

Dan waves Arin off, “It’s okay, I want to. I want to do it for you.” 

Dan knows sometimes Arin doesn’t get an allowance or extra cash, sometimes his parents can’t afford to give him spending money. Dan’s been saving his allowance and he can’t think of anything else he’d like to spend it on. 

Arin relents, “Next time,” he says, “Next time the date is on me.” 

Dan’s heart soars, floats so high he thinks maybe he could touch the ceiling. 

“There’s going to be another date?” 

Arin pauses, eyes flickering across Dan’s face, “Well, yeah? Unless you don’t want one?” 

“No!” Dan says, too fast and he sees Arin snort, “No, I… I definitely want another date.” 

“Good,” Arin says; and because they are still lingering back near the cabinets, hidden in partial dimness, blanketed by neon dancing light, Arin moves quick, leans in and presses a soft and sweet kiss to Dan’s cheek, making Dan’s face burn when Arin pulls away. 

The two of them glance around to make sure no one had caught their movement, but they are still alone. Dan definitely feels like he’s flying, his feet not even touching the ground as the two of them make their way to the counter to order food. 

Dan gets he and Arin both a soda and a soft pretzel, and he feels good, a little bit proud to be paying for the two of them, to know he’s taking care of Arin. The worker behind the counter pays them no mind, seeming more bored than anything else as he hands over their food. 

The arcade has little tables spread out on the left side of the building, across from the rows and rows of machines. Arin and Dan pick a table near the glass case stuffed full of prizes that they could win for differing amounts of tickets. 

“Arin?” Dan asks, picking at his pretzel. 

“Yeah?”

“There’s um, something I wanted to ask you?” 

Arin’s brow furrows just slightly, the way it does sometimes when Dan knows he’s worrying Arin, when Arin’s trying to guess where Dan is going with a topic. 

“Okay, Dan. What is it?” Arin’s voice is careful, but Dan thinks he can hear a thread of nerves underneath his calm tone. Dan winces internally.

“Maybe it sounds dumb, but, I’ve never been on a date before, so, now that we’ve been on a date, does, um, does that mean…are we like, boyfriends now?” Dan’s face is on fire, burning red-hot as he asks the question that’s been bugging him. 

Arin’s face grows as pink as Dan feels his own must be, but he smiles, big and wide, calmed to find out that Dan’s question wasn’t a bad one. 

“I’m not sure? I’ve never been on a date either. Do you want to be boyfriends?” 

Dan finds himself nodding, unable to hide the truth from Arin, “More than anything.” 

Dan’s not even sure what being boyfriends really entails. He has an idea, something vague and abstract, but if it means he’s allowed to keep kissing Arin, to keep holding his hand and feeling this way, then he absolutely wants to be Arin’s boyfriend. 

The smile on Arin’s face is huge and beautiful and Dan feels warm all over just from looking at Arin smile like that. 

“I want to be your boyfriend too,” Arin says, with an embarrassed giggle, his face flushing deeper. 

“Okay,” Dan says with a nod, “Okay, then we’re boyfriends now.” 

Arin nods, “Deal.” 

Dan’s not really sure what it all means, the extent of what he’s promising to Arin, but he knows he can do it. He’d do anything for the other boy, his best friend turned boyfriend. Maybe it is that easy, maybe being boyfriends is just like being best friends except you get to kiss each other. 

They finish their meals and toss out the garbage. Dan still has some money left to get more quarters and they move to the machine to purchase more. The token machine in the front is being used, so they find the second, tucked in the back of the arcade by the bathrooms. It’s dark near the back of the arcade, the lights from the games not quite reaching them. 

They came back here to get more quarters, but then, they’re alone and Arin looks cute in the semi-darkness of the arcade, the stillness reminding Dan of the other night on the roof when they had shared kisses in the quiet dark. Dan had been so good, limiting himself to the barest of touches to Arin all day. 

“Arin?” Dan asks, his breath already hitching in his throat. 

“Yeah?” Arin asks, sounding a little breathless himself, like suddenly the two of them are under the same spell. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Arin swallows thickly, but he nods his permission. Dan licks his lips, steps close to Arin, catches the hint of body wash, the sweet sugar of the soda; his head spins. Arin leans back against the wall next to the quarter machine, Dan leaning forward to meet him. Their mouths press together light and Dan’s hand finds Arin’s, fingers seeking each other, lacing together in a firm hold as their mouths meet. 

Dan feels whole, feels complete, in a way he never feels until he’s with Arin. He feels fingers brush his neck and then Arin’s hand is there, his palm hot against Dan’s skin. Dan’s heart is beating so fast, so hard, but he wants this so much. He wants Arin. His _boyfriend_. 

They are so wrapped up in each other that they don’t hear the quiet thump of the bathroom door closing. 

“Oh my _God_ ,” a voice says, full of surprise, and something Dan can’t really place. 

Dan and Arin shoot apart, as if suddenly touching each other hurt them, like skin-to-skin contact was painful. Dan looks up, face beet red and he locks eyes with Troy Casters, a kid from Dan’s homeroom class. Dan freezes, ice moving through his veins, and his heart tumbling to his feet. Troy had seen them, had seen them _kissing_. No one was supposed to know about them and now someone did. Now Troy did.


	7. Monday PT 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Middle school is already hard, but now, it's gotten much harder.

For a few long, dizzying seconds, Dan has no idea what to say. He and Arin have been caught kissing in the back of the arcade by one of his classmates and he has no idea what's going to happen next.

"Troy," he says, voice sounding small and weak.

Troy levels him with a look, an off mix of smug and apprehensive, like maybe he wishes that he hadn't caught them at all. Then his face breaks into a grin and, for a second, Dan feels like it's okay because...well, they didn't do anything wrong, did they?

"Well, _this_ is rich," Troy says around a laugh. He runs a hand through his short, curly, auburn hair and leans against the wall opposite Arin. Dan's heart is in his throat as he waits, trying to gauge what might happen with Troy.

"Troy," he tries again, "what are you - "

Troy snorts. "It's just that...dude, do you even know how many girls in our class have the hots for you? All of these girls want you and here you are, kissing a dude. It's hilarious."

Dan flushes at Troy's words. He has a lot of friends in homeroom, a lot of them are girls. He doesn't know the validity behind Troy's words, but his tone, the way that his mouth rolls around the words, sets Dan's stomach off, a wave of unease rolling through him.

He glances at Arin, trying to pick up on how he's feeling. His face is blank, a mask in place, hiding anything real, but Dan can still pick out the thread of panic lighting up his eyes.

"It's not..." Dan starts, but he doesn't know how to finish. It's not _funny_? Well, it isn't. This is Dan's heart and not one part of it is funny.

Troy is still grinning, eyes flickering between Dan and Arin before staring at Dan like he's waiting for Dan's reply. It never comes.

"You know Marissa Kleaves, right, Dan?" Troy asks, voice suddenly lighter than it had been before, his tone shifting to a more conversational one. It calms Dan in a way.

He nods. He does know Marissa. She's a girl in their homeroom, smart and pretty, and well-liked.

"Well, I like her," Troy says. "I have since, like, the fifth grade."

"Okay," Dan says, trying to keep his tone careful.

Troy's eyes narrow slightly. "Take a wild guess at who Marissa likes."

Dan swallows, closing his eyes for a moment. "Who?"

"Don't be an idiot," Troy says. "She likes _you_ , Avidan. Wait until she hears about this, though. That ought to change her mind."

Dan's heart jumps in his throat, his breath stuttering out of his chest.

"Troy, you...you can't tell people at school."

"Why not?" Troy asks, turning his freckle-dotted face towards Dan and eyeing him. "It's the truth, isn't it? You were kissing this seventh grader?"

Dan can feel his face flushing, feel his body start to shake. This is his worst fear coming to light.

"It isn't your business to tell..." Dan tries. He's trying to reign himself in, but he's scared, and a small ball of anger is growing in his stomach. He and Troy aren't friends. They're just classmates. They only know each other because they've been in the same class for the last three grades. Troy has no reason to be nice, has more of a reason to be cruel. Dan knows that he can't expect kindness from him.

"I mean," Troy says, turning to face Arin, "I get it. I get why you don't want people to know. I wouldn't want anyone to know that I was kissing _that_ , either."

He laughs right in Arin's face and Arin's eyes fall to the floor, to his feet.

"Cool guy Avidan," Troy continues, "kissing this fat fag. It's fucking hilarious."

There's just one second, one moment of clarity, for that ball of anger inside of Dan to spread, igniting and burning like a forest fire through his insides, sparking white-hot against his bones, seeping into his blood. There's just one instant for Dan to become engulfed. There's just one breath for that fire to reach its peak.

Dan draws back and punches Troy square in the jaw.

Dan isn't a violent person. You'd be hard-pressed to ever find him truly angry. He remembers one hot summer with Arin when he'd accidentally stepped on a grasshopper, killing it. He'd sat in the grass as a ten-year-old kid and cried over a bug that he hadn't meant to kill. Arin had been there, hadn't made fun of him, just crouched low next to Dan, his hand patting Dan's shoulder.

"Dan!" Arin shouts. He sounds scared, voice pitched high.

Dan glances at Arin, which gives Troy enough time to fling himself at Dan, a growling, pissed-off mess as he scrabbles to grab at Dan's collar. Dan's never been in a fight in his entire thirteen years of life, so he's struggling to keep Troy's hands off of him, his left hand throbbing in pain.

Dan almost forgets that they're in public. The only thing that reminds him is the arcade worker that rushes forward, grabbing Dan and Troy and separating them.

"Hey! You want to fight; you take that crap outside!" the worker shouts like this happens way too often. It probably does.

The worker is taller than both Dan and Troy and Dan has to push up on his tip-toes to stay standing with the way that the worker's hand is fisted in his collar.

"He started it!" Troy spits. Now that they're separated, Dan can see him clearly, can see the small cut on the corner of Troy's mouth where blood has started to collect.

"I don't care who started it. You all need to go," the worker says, sounding thoroughly annoyed by the situation.

The worker leads Dan and Troy through the arcade to the front door, Arin trailing along quietly behind them. Dan and Troy are shoved out into the bright, sunny Saturday of the outside world, the day that had made Dan feel so hopeful and carefree before.

For a second, Dan is worried that the fight will resume. He's even more worried that he spent all of his fighting skills on that first punch and will now get his ass beat by Troy. He waits, but Troy touches at his busted lip and looks at the blood clinging to his fingertips. He laughs, humorless and cold.

"See you Monday, Avidan," Troy says as he turns, knocking into Arin with his shoulder as he passes them by, stalking down the sidewalk and heading God knows where.

Once Troy is gone, Dan feels numb, the anger leaving him, replaced by nothing. He feels hollow, empty. There's no doubt in his mind that Troy is going to tell everyone at school about what he saw at the arcade.

Arin rushes forward and cups Dan's face, drawing Dan's attention to him. Dan is so wrung out that he doesn't even care that they're in public and Arin is holding his face, looking at him with huge, worried eyes.

"Dan, why the hell did you hit him?" Arin asks.

"He made fun of you!" Dan says, wrapping his hands around Arin's wrists, clinging to him.

Arin's eyes are sad. He lets them drift close. "All of the eighth graders make fun of the seventh graders. It's what they do. It's fine."

"It's _not_ ," Dan says. "What he said about you, it...it was like someone flipped a switch inside of me."

Arin's hands are so warm against Dan's face. Dan relaxes into the touch for just a moment before he uses his grip on Arin's wrists to lower his hands.

"I know that you were trying to protect me," Arin says, his fingers brushing over Dan's, "but you were also being stupid."

Dan lets his eyes close for a moment, holding onto Arin's hands, letting the warmth anchor him. What Troy had said about Arin, how he had implied that Arin was anything less than beautiful, less than _perfect_ , implying that Dan should be ashamed of him...it tore through Dan like a bullet, destroying any sense that Dan had inside of him.

"What do you think is going to happen?" Arin asks quietly, his voice tight. It makes Dan cling to his hands harder than before. They're out in front of the arcade on a public street holding hands loosely, something that Dan never would have done even a half-hour earlier - but, right now, that doesn't seem as important.

"I don’t know," Dan says. "Troy might tell."

As Dan says it, fear takes a hold of his chest, burying itself deep inside of him. Who knows where Troy was going or what he would do or say? The sting in Dan's fist, the ache in his hand where his knuckles had met Troy's jaw...it promises that this is far from over.

Arin's eyes are heavy and sad, but not scared. Dan's heart falls to his feet. Just a few minutes ago, Dan was happier than he'd ever been and now the date that he'd been so looking forward to, his precious personal time with Arin, had been ruined.

"Let's go home," Arin says. Dan nods, letting Arin lead him away from the arcade and toward their street. They walk quietly, hands slipping apart the closer that they get to their houses.

Back at Dan's house, the two of them sit on the swing set that's been here since before Dan had even moved in, the place that Dan had first spotted Arin peering at him over a hedge. The swings are smaller now and pinch at Dan's hips, the metal links of the chain squeezing at him. Arin moves back and forth, propelling himself slowly with one sneaker digging into the dirt.

"How's that feel?" Arin asks, nodding at the ice pack that he'd grabbed for Dan from his freezer. Luckily for them, Arin’s parents were at work and Nate wasn’t home, so there was no one to ask questions.

Dan lifts the cool pack, already melting at a rapid pace in the warmth of the day, and inspects his knuckles. He has a light scratch along the tanned skin of his hand, a faint bruise. He should be proud, glad that he won and came out with just a bruised hand and not something worse, but he can't shake the feeling of impending doom, of knowing that something bad is going to happen and being completely unable to stop it.

"Not bad," Dan finally answers, flexing his hand and looking up at Arin. "I think that I'll live."

"Mr. Macho over here," Arin says, smiling softly. That sweet smile comforts Dan, the fact that Arin can smile at all is calming him down, like maybe things aren't as bad as he'd first thought.

Above them, the sun is beginning to set, dipping behind the thick smattering of cotton candy clouds. Dan watches Arin's face, the small smile ghosting his lips, the way that the sun is reaching out to him, illuminating every inch of Arin that it can find.

All is quiet between them as Dan leans over and presses his mouth to Arin's, wishing like hell that he could freeze time and live in this moment, this eternal sunset, for the rest of his life. That way, Monday would never have to come.

\--

Monday morning, Dan considers for a moment faking a stomach issue as he'd done back when he was trying to avoid Arin, what now feels like years ago even though it was barely two weeks. He swallows the thought, hides it away, because there's no way in hell he can make Arin face school alone.

The two of them ride to school as they always do, crammed in the back of Arin's mom's car. They are quiet. Arin's mom might notice, but, if she does, then she doesn't mention it. Dan can't help but view the two of them as cattle being led to the slaughterhouse, unwitting victims who can't change their fate even if they don't deserve the punishment.

The first steps into their middle school are normal. Dan had been expecting all eyes to be on them the second that they stepped foot in the school, but it doesn't happen, people carrying on with their business. Dan relaxes. Maybe Troy had backed down? Maybe he wouldn't say anything after all?

Arin and Dan part ways in the hallway so that they can each go to their lockers to load up on their books for their morning classes. Arin usually comes back to Dan's locker after he's collected his books, allowing them a few moments to talk or dick around before homeroom starts.

Dan's heart is beating a little quicker than usual in his chest, nerves on edge, like he's waiting for someone to pop out at him. He's waiting for the other shoe to drop, to either come face to face with Troy or to know for sure that nothing is going to happen. Living in the middle is putting him on edge, making his nerves rattle, thin and worn.

He's digging around for his science textbook when he hears the first bubble of laughter behind him. At first, he pays no mind; people are always engaged in conversations in the hallway that Dan can barely keep up with. There's more laughter followed by a not-very-hushed whisper of, "Yeah, _him_ ," and Dan's blood runs cold.

He stiffens at his locker, his back to the hallway. He feels very much like he's in a horror movie and the second that he turns around is right when he'll meet the killer that's been hunting him down all along.

Dan tucks his books away, zips up his bag, and shuts his locker, all to a chorus of increasing whispers and giggles. When he turns around, a blanket of silence covers the hallway. People are staring, glancing at him. Dan can feel their eyes pinning him to the metal locker, burning him, and trying to take him apart.

He tries to stay strong, to not crumble in front of them. He shoulders his backpack and heads towards his homeroom. The walk down the hallway isn't any better. As Dan approaches, people whisper, heads ducked together in fast and hushed voices, talking about him. Dan can feel his stomach twist, shame and embarrassment filling him up. He walks, head held high, to homeroom.

Half the class is in the room, hanging around and chatting before the class officially starts. It gets no better here than out in the hall.

Near the front of the room is Troy. He looks up when Dan enters the room, a grin across his face and Marissa Kleaves standing right next to him. Troy isn't the only one who notices Dan - the entirety of the class does, the noise level in the room dropping to almost perfect silence. Dan takes his seat and waits, heart beating in his chest. His day has only just begun and already he's desperate to go home. He hopes that it isn't as bad for Arin, he makes some impossible wish that people will focus on him and leave Arin alone.

"Hey, Avidan," Troy says, smugness dripping from his voice. "How's your boyfriend?"

The kids around Troy burst into laughter, loud and cruel, and Troy soaks it all in, reveling in this newfound attention. Dan bristles, fighting back the flush that wants to rise to his cheeks and the tears that want to creep to his eyes. Dan ignores them, staring at the blackboard in front of him until his vision blurs.

Troy scoffs, clearly unhappy with Dan’s non-reaction. He slides from his desk and moves over to Dan. He slams his hand down in the middle of Dan's desk, forcing Dan's attention to shift to him. At least Dan is pleased to see that Troy is still sporting the cut on his lip from when Dan had punched him at the arcade. Troy's tongue plays at the scab on his lip before he speaks, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"I said, how's your faggot boyfriend, Avidan?"

"Hey!" a voice says, one that Dan recognizes. Relief and fear floods through him, mixing like a dangerous cocktail in his chest. Ross is standing there, having only just arrived to homeroom. He's frowning at the scene in front of him, but Dan hadn't gotten to talk to Ross or Barry, hadn't gotten a chance to tell them anything so that whatever they'd heard had come from the gossip, had come from Troy. Honestly, Dan isn't sure how either of them will react to the news. "Why don't you back off, Casters."

Troy rolls his eyes. Dan has to admit that Ross isn't that intimidating - he's thin, scrawny - but he's gone to a few of Ross's kung-fu tournaments held on sleepy, quiet Saturdays, sitting on thin mats with Arin, watching Ross go through the motions, and his movements are fluid, hiding a secret strength.

"Or what? You're going to stop me, O'Donovan?"

Ross's eyes narrow. "If I have to."

Murmurs ripple around them as Troy glares at Ross. Dan sits there, stuck between them and feeling massively uncomfortable. He wishes that he could disappear, that the floor would open under him and take him away, spirit him back to his bedroom, safe and secure and so far away from here.

Before more can be said, the teacher steps into the room, glancing around at the students, an eyebrow raised. "Take a seat," she instructs, and the class does as told, the situation placed on the sidebar until homeroom is over.

Ross sits behind Dan. Dan feels better knowing that Ross is there, that, in this moment, Ross literally has his back. Dan can only hope that Barry can provide that same feeling for Arin.

Dan makes it through homeroom without incident and, after class is over, Troy stalks away with his friends instead of engaging with Ross and Dan, much to Dan's relief.

Out in the hallway, on the way to his locker, Ross grabs Dan's arm, stopping him. Dan bites his lip, holding Ross's gaze. Ross's eyes are big and worried as he frowns up at Dan - even though they're the same age, Dan is taller, having sprouted up over the summer, beating Ross by several inches.

"Dan," Ross says, biting his lip. Dan feels those nerves take hold of him once again, freezing up the blood in his veins. What if Ross doesn't want to be friends anymore? What if it's suddenly too much trouble to know Dan and Arin, and Ross doesn't want to be involved. "You know what they're saying about you and Arin right?"

Dan nods, jaw clenched tight. He does.

"Is it..." Ross says, voice going soft amidst the chaos of the hallway. "Is it true?"

Again, Dan nods, heart in his throat, the lump of it so big that Dan's sure that he wouldn’t be able to speak even if he wanted to. He has to swallow down that lump, the fear, and everything else.

"I... _we_ were going to tell you and Bear, it's just...it was new and it was scary...it's _still_ scary. I... we..."

Dan realizes that he's shaking, his body trembling in the hallway. Ross's hand is still on his arm, a warm and solid weight.

"Hey," Ross says, "it's okay. It doesn't matter. I just...I wanted to make sure."

"We went on a date on Saturday and Troy saw us. He...I knew that he'd tell, but I was wishing like hell that he wouldn't." 

"Troy is an asshole," Ross says.

"You..." Dan says. "You aren't mad?"

Ross shakes his head. "You and Arin are my friends. I love you guys. It's fine, it's cool, as long as you treat each other right."

Dan feels like crying again, this time for a totally different reason. Ross is the first person outside of Dan's family to really talk to Dan about this, about his new and terrifying relationship, and Ross is okay with it. He isn't disgusted or ready to abandon Dan and Arin. He's here.

Ross smiles, clapping Dan on the shoulder. "It'll be okay, Dan."

"You really think so?" Dan asks. He doesn't believe it. As he stands there with Ross, people are looking, are listening and talking, laughing, whispering, regurgitating information until no one in the school is going to know the real story or bother to find it out.

"Maybe not right now," Ross says, "but eventually. These vultures will move on to something else."

Dan wants to believe him, but he knows that this is just the beginning. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Even if it stops at school, there are other people like Troy out there. He shivers at the thought, the new knowledge forming in his brain that there will always be a Troy Casters out there ready to strike.


	8. Monday PT 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes sacrifices must be made. Sometimes being brave is the only option you have left.

Dan doesn’t see Arin again until lunch time. He’s both looking forward to it and nervous about it. Despite what everyone is saying, what everyone is whispering, it’s all just rumors about them. No one knows for sure, except Troy, that it really happened; that Dan and Arin really did kiss. Dan thinks as he sits in the middle of his class directly before lunch, hearing whispers, giggles, hushed tones he knows are all referring to him. Dan wonders if maybe it would be safer for the both of them if they stayed apart, at least for the day. Maybe if they weren’t seen together, it wouldn’t add fuel to the fire, maybe if Dan kept his distance it would all fade away that much faster. 

The plan all but flies out the window as soon as Dan enters the lunchroom and sees Arin already there. Arin is standing next to Barry, his back to Dan, but even just that glimpse makes Dan’s heart skip a beat. He doesn’t want to stay away from Arin. He had already done that. They’d already been separated because of Dan’s fear of confessing his feelings. Dan didn’t want any more barriers, no more reasons to keep himself from Arin. 

Barry notices Dan first and he watches as Barry nudges Arin, nodding towards where Dan is standing across the cafeteria. Arin’s gaze travels to Dan, their eyes meeting and Arin smiles, small and sad. Dan can tell he’s trying to be brave and strong, but he can see in his eyes that it isn’t quite working. There’s a moment of hesitation, where it looks like Arin doesn’t know how things are going to go, how the two of them are going to play this. 

Dan is aware that all eyes are on them; that they are being watched, that it is likely the whole of their grade has been waiting all morning to see what Dan and Arin would do once they finally met in the face of the rumors and controversy. Dan smiles big and wide as he strides across the cafeteria, grabbing a plastic tray and getting in line behind Barry and Arin. 

“Hey, man,” Dan says, patting Barry on the shoulder and Barry smiles as bright as ever at Dan. “Hey, Arin,” Dan says, his tone turning softer as his attention shifts to the other boy. 

“Hey,” Arin says, smiling. Already his smile is shifting, falling into something easier, something that seems more real. 

“How are you?” Dan asks, and he means it. He can barely handle the idea of Arin having to deal with all the shit that Dan’s gone through so far. 

Arin nods, pushing his hair behind his ear, “I’m okay. I’m…better now.”  
Barry is between Dan and Arin, acting as a buffer between them, but all Dan wants to do is touch and comfort, make things better if he can. The line moves around them and Dan watches Arin move up to get his lunch. They’re having these crap, veggie soy chicken patties. Dan could smell them the second he walked into the cafeteria. Arin grabs his food and milk, and moves out of line to wait for Barry so the two of them can find a seat while Dan and Ross grab their food. 

Arin is still waiting when a kid, likely a fellow seventh grader because Dan doesn’t know them, knocks hard into Arin’s shoulder from behind. The hit is strong enough and sudden enough that Arin isn’t braced for it and his lunch tray slips from his hands, his food falling to the floor with a wet smack. The kid smirks and struts off to a small chorus of laughter. 

Dan can see Arin’s cheeks burn red as he looks down at the mess that was his lunch. 

“Hey!” Ross says, ready to spring into action for Arin just as he had done for Dan. Arin turns to look at his friends and shakes his head, not that the kid stopped or cared that Ross had called out to him in the first place. 

“Forget it,” Arin says weakly. 

The lunch worker must have noticed what happened because when Barry steps out of line he’s got two sandwiches on his tray, and without missing a beat, he guides Arin away from the line and towards a clear table. Dan’s skin is hot, on fire with anger. It’s so hard for him to watch shit like that, to see that happen to Arin, to hear laughter and know that that cruelty is directed at his boyfriend. 

Dan gets his own lunch and strides over to Arin and Barry, his jaw tight. He sits across from Arin like he always has. Arin’s face is tipped down to the empty table where his lunch tray should be. Without hesitating, Dan slides his own tray over to Arin. 

Arin looks up at him, “Don’t…” he starts, “I’ll be fine.” 

“Take it,” Dan says, “It’s okay, Arin.” 

Arin shakes his head, hair slipping into his eyes. Arin pushes the tray back to Dan, but thankfully, he accepts the extra chicken patty from Barry when the other boy hands it to him. Dan’s chest tightens. He glances around the cafeteria. People are watching them, like…like they are something entertaining, some freak show. Dan can barely stand it. 

“We heard that Ross tried to kick Troy’s ass during homeroom,” Barry says, “So I take it things haven’t been great?” 

Ross walks up behind Dan, only having just got his lunch and sets his tray down and nods. 

“He was fucking with Dan this morning, trying to impress everyone like he was some big shot.” 

Arin frowns, but Dan waves Ross off, “It’s nothing I can’t handle. What about you, Ar? Has anyone been giving you shit?” 

“Well…you just saw it,” Arin says, nodding towards the sloppy remains of his lunch that the school janitor is mopping up, “Otherwise, everyone is just asking me if it’s true. If we really kissed.” 

Relief floods Dan at the knowledge that no one- except for the asshole in the cafeteria- had been too cruel to Arin. 

“What did you…what did you tell them?” 

“I didn’t say anything,” Arin says, shaking his head, but his tone holds some heat. His eyes flicking up to Dan, “I didn’t know what you’d want me to say.” 

“Don’t give those assholes your time by bothering to answer,” Ross says as he takes a vicious bite of his sandwich. 

“You want to tell them the truth?” Dan asks, voice quiet. Even though Barry and Ross are right there, Dan is focused on Arin, talking to him like it’s just the two of them. 

Arin shrugs, “I don’t know. Maybe they’d stop?” 

“Arin- “ Dan starts. 

Arin sighs, “I…people keep saying I’m lying. That I must have made it all up because _why_ would Dan Avidan ever want to kiss _me_?” Arin says, straining to keep his voice low, “That’s what they’ve been saying to me.” 

Dan’s eyes dart to Barry and the other boy nods solemnly. A deep ache moves through Dan’s chest. Arin’s not getting physical threats, but it’s clear he wasn’t completely spared. Dan’s fingers twitch, longing to reach out and find Arin’s hand. He doesn’t, not now, not here in the proverbial fish tank of their school when everyone’s already watching them. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan says instead, “If I had been more careful at the arcade…maybe if I hadn’t hit Troy then- “ 

Arin shakes his head, “If it wasn’t Troy then someone else would have found out eventually.” 

“It’ll pass,” Dan says, mirroring Ross’s own words from earlier that morning. 

Arin’s eyes scan Dan’s face, a cloudy mix of emotions overtaking the deep warm brown. For one of the first times in their shared lives, in their friendship, Arin doesn’t look like he believes Dan. The ache in Dan’s chest deepens, threatening to split the spider webbing cracks along his heart. 

All too soon lunch is over and nothing is solved, nothing has improved.

“I’m going to walk to your locker with you,” Dan says, hesitating a moment when Arin looks at him, “If that’s okay?” He’s never had to ask before, never needed permission before this. 

Arin nods, “It’s fine, Dan.” 

Dan follows Arin to his locker. Barry having backed off to give them some time together, as alone as they can be with a school full of peers and all attention focused on them. Now that Arin and Dan are truly alone, without the brace of Ross or Barry, the whispers amplify as they move down the hall, especially since Dan has wandered over to the seventh grade hallway to make sure Arin was okay. If anyone tried or planned to fuck with him on his way to collecting his books, well, they’d at least have to get through Dan first. 

Dan’s mind is wandering as they walk. He’s out of it enough that he doesn’t realize that Arin has stopped in front of him, until Dan bumps into the other boy, his chest hitting Arin’s back. He stops, shakes his head and focuses in on the here and now. They are stopped at Arin’s locker, but not quite. Arin is backed away from it, mouth hanging open a little. 

“Arin?” Dan asks, looking at Arin’s face, the soft confusion there, the utter surprise. 

Then Dan’s gaze drifts to where Arin’s eyes are caught. He looks up and sees Arin’s locker, he sees the neon orange spray paint before he can even tell that there is something there, a message left behind. There in uneven, messy orange spray paint are three letters, emblazoned bright against the dark metal of the lockers. 

_FAG_

Without thinking, without breathing, Dan’s hands come up to hold Arin’s shoulders. Mindlessly, Dan spins Arin away from his own locker, as if he’s turning the boy away from a grisly murder. Arin is shaking lightly and Dan can see, under the curtain of his hair, he can see the tears beginning to prick at the corners of Arin’s eyes. There is so much Arin can ignore, so much he can laugh off or shake away, let it roll off his back. This isn’t one of them, this is a just the latest in a string of things that they can’t hide from. 

Dan feels a pulse of rage spike through him, loosening up the ball in his stomach. 

People are watching them even here, waiting for a reaction, even if they didn’t do it, even if they had no hand in it, they still want to see what happens, hungry for information that can be absorbed and passed on to other people. 

“Who did THIS?” Dan yells, his voice betraying him by shaking with anger, “Who the hell did _this_?” 

No one answers. Of course not. This is a hallway of seventh graders who either don’t care or are too intimidated to bother speaking up. One of the teachers in the nearby classrooms must hear Dan yelling, must hear the noise, because then Mr. Oakson is ambling out to the hallway, prepared to break up a fight. Instead, he finds Dan with his hand gripping the shoulder of Arin’s shirt and Arin trying hard not to cry. 

Dan had Mr. Oakson last year for science. He always liked the man, thought he was a good teacher. He can see the confusion on Mr. Oakson’s face, how he’s trying to figure out the situation, who he should be calming down. 

“Mr. Avidan?” Mr. Oakson asks, “What’s going on?” 

Dan is shaking with anger and nerves and everything else. He points to Arin’s locker. 

“They…they did this to his locker!” Dan says, voice high and tight. 

He can see the moment that Mr. Oakson’s eyes lock on to the word, how suddenly it makes sense to him. 

“Alright,” he says calmly, he steps towards them, his big hands open on Arin’s back and Dan’s shoulder, “Let’s…let’s go talk to the principal and we’ll get this matter straightened out.” 

Dan nods because he’s got nothing left, the anger in him draining and morphing into something else, changing into a heavy sorrow that’s filling him up. Mr. Oakson leads them to the principal’s office and the nerves build back inside of Dan, stacking like bricks, building a wall around his heart. 

They’ll have to tell the principal what happened and why this happened. Would they have to expose themselves even further? 

Mr. Oakson opens the door for them and ushers the two of them inside the small stuffy office. The secretary raises her eyes at the two of them, neither of them are ones for getting in trouble or winding up in the principal’s office. 

“Is Principal Deckard in her office?” Mr. Oakson asks the secretary. 

She nods, her mouth a firm line of worry. Mr. Oakson stops them outside the door to Principal Deckard’s office. He knocks once before they can hear footsteps approaching the door. Then Principal Deckard is peering out of her office, her dusty blond hair piled up in a loose up-do. Her eyes land on Dan and Arin before shifting to Mr. Oakson. 

“What’s going on?” She asks. 

“We have a bit of a situation,” Mr. Oakson says, “Someone vandalized Mr. Hanson’s locker.” 

Principal Deckard’s eyebrows raise and she steps aside, opening the door and allowing Mr. Oakson and Arin and Dan to come into the office. Mr. Oakson hovers near the door as Arin and Dan take the two open seats in front of her desk. 

Their principal is fairly nice, not someone too harsh or disliked. She’s quiet, firm, but listens. 

Mr. Oakson clears his throat, “I actually have my class starting in a few moments.” 

Principal Deckard nods, “Thank you, Carl. You can go back to your class.” 

He nods and then Mr. Oakson is gone, leaving Dan and Arin alone with her. She leans forward, elbows on her desk and sighs lightly. 

“What happened boys?” 

“I…” Dan starts, because he’s jittery now, shaking with leftover nerves and residual anger, “I was walking Arin to his locker and when we got there we saw that someone had written…had written on his locker with spray paint.” 

Arin looks up, tucking strands of hair behind his ear. His tears have faded, leaving a hardness behind that Dan isn’t used to, a look that makes him shiver. 

“They wrote…they called me a _fag_.” 

Principal Deckard’s eyes widen drastically, but her face remains calm. 

“I’m sorry,” She says, “I’m sorry you had to see that Mr. Hanson.” 

Dan sees Arin’s fingers dig into the denim of his jeans, his fists quaking lightly. 

“You saw the same Mr. Avidan?” 

Dan nods, pulling his gaze away from Arin to focus on Principal Deckard. 

“It said that…no doubt about it. Right across his locker.” 

“Did you see anyone flee the scene? Anyone in the act?” 

Dan shakes his head, “By the time we got there it was already done. It happened during lunch.” 

The principal nods, humming softly, “As you boys know we have a zero tolerance policy on bullying. I don’t want any student to feel unsafe in this school. The use of slurs is absolutely included.” 

_Slurs_. Is that what that was? Dan had always heard the word but he didn’t know where it fell, it felt different than swearing, then the words your parents tell you not to say. It felt meaner than an insult. It felt ugly and heavy and weighted. 

“I’m going to have the teachers initiate searches of backpacks and lockers. We’re going to have the custodian take a photograph of your locker before it’s cleaned. We’ll call your parents and-“ 

“My parents?” Arin says, lifting his head. 

Principal Deckard nods, lifting an eyebrow, “Yes, I have to notify your parents since this was an act of vandalism on school property.” 

“But he didn’t do anything. It happened to him,” Dan argues. 

Again, she nods, “Yes, I know, but regulation states parents be notified if their child is threatened in school. This is a threat.” 

Arin’s jaw goes tight. Dan’s stomach sinks. What are Arin’s parents going to say? Going to _think_? What if they tell Dan’s parents? What if Dan’s dad hears it from Arin’s parents before Dan can tell him? Dan’s head spins. 

“I’m going to go and let Miss Clemins our secretary know to go ahead and call your parents, Arin. Excuse me a moment, boys.” 

Principal Deckard slips from the room leaving Dan and Arin alone. 

“Are you okay?” Dan asks, touching Arin’s hand. 

Arin pulls his hand away, shaking his head, “No, I’m not okay.” 

“I’m sorry,” Dan says, but he doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for. Maybe nothing, maybe everything, every tiny bit of it. 

“My mom’s at the horse ranch,” Arin says, looking up at Dan, “She’s not home and my dad is. They’re gonna call my dad and he’s going to come up here and he’s going to know what they are saying about me, Dan.” 

Dan tries again to take Arin’s hand and this time Arin lets him. Dan runs his thumb over the back of Arin’s hand. For as long as Dan has known Arin, he’s always thought that Arin’s dad was cool. He played guitar, he had funny stories, long hair, he drove a cool car. Lloyd Hanson was a cool dad. Would he still be cool with this? Dan didn’t know, and it scared him. It scared him to think how easy the opinions of those who matter the most could be changed in one second, one moment, with one brightly colored, neon orange word. 

“I- “Arin says, “I won’t say anything about you.” 

“What?” Dan asks. 

Arin’s eyes flutter closed, “I won’t tell my parents about us…or you…if they…if they figure stuff out I’ll just say it’s me. I- “ 

“Arin,” Dan says, but he loses his moment because then Principal Deckard is moving back into the room. 

She waits until she’s sitting before she speaks again. Smiling at the boys. 

“We got ahold of your dad, Arin. He said he’ll be here in a few minutes.” 

Arin nods, face grim like he’s waiting for the executioner to meet up with him. Principal Deckard focuses on Dan. 

“I’d like you to go back to class, Mr. Avidan.” 

“But…can’t I stay with Arin?” Dan asks, a little desperation slipping into his voice. 

Principal Deckard gives him a soft look, “I’m afraid not. Arin’s dad is going to be here and then that meeting is just for us. Please, go back to class, Mr. Avidan.” She pauses for a moment, regarding him, “Unless you feel unable to return to class due to what you saw and experienced. It’s understandable and I don’t want to put undue stress on you. I could call your parents as well and see if they can pick you up?” 

Dan swallows thickly. He knows she’s being sincere and means well, but Dan can’t…he doesn’t want his parents here. 

He shakes his head, backing down where Arin had been unable to. 

“If you change your mind please come back and let me know,” She says, before she hands him a pass to give his teacher. 

Dan stands, sees Arin looking small, head bowed, shaking a little. He hates himself because as much as he loves Arin, as much as he wants to protect Arin, a big part of him knows, deep down inside, that he wouldn’t want to trade places with Arin. 

Dan feels like shit leaving Arin alone in the office. It’s another piece out of his control, due to age and circumstance and school. Dan pads back to class, peering down the seventh grade hallway and seeing the janitor in front of Arin’s locker, photographing the scene. 

Dan’s stomach twists as he heads for class. He’s already missed a good twenty minutes of class time and he’s sure the whole school knows about this too, knows what happened to Arin’s locker. Only more fuel for the rumor mill. 

Dan slips into his class, handing the annoyed teacher the hall pass. He nods and motions for Dan to take his seat. Dan sits next to Ross, the other boy trying to catch his eye but Dan won’t meet his gaze. He keeps his eyes on the board, not even bothering to get out his notebook, barely even realizing that in the haste of everything that had happened with Arin he forgot to go to his own locker or get any of his own books for his afternoon classes. 

Dan can’t leave now, not with his teacher already irritated that Dan interrupted class. Dan sighs, slumping his head in hands, fingers climbing into his hair and ruffling the soft curls. He can’t stop picturing Arin sitting in the office, or Lloyd coming in, Principal Deckard explaining what happened and what was said about Arin. 

He feels sick with guilt over Arin having to lie, over Arin deciding to keep Dan out of it, trying to protect Dan in the only way he knows how. Dan glances out the window before he looks down at this desk, but then, something catches his eye. A splotch, a hint, a tease of bright color. Dan looks again and he sees it. A faded and messy smattering of neon colored orange smeared into the fabric of a book bag on the floor in the room. Paint that matches the color decorating Arin’s locker. 

Dan’s eyes sweep up from the backpack and he finds its owner. Troy Casters. Troy is sitting there, staring straight ahead, like nothing happened, like he didn’t do anything, like he didn’t fucking hurt Arin. Dan stares at the orange splotch until his eyes nearly cross and blur, an anger pulsing inside of him. It was Troy. It was Troy, and if Dan didn’t fucking tell someone, then Troy would get away with it. He’d find some way to slip loose. 

“You,” Dan murmurs, loud enough that Ross and a few others look at him, “You did it.” 

Then he sees Troy freeze up. He sees Troy glance over his shoulder at Dan. 

“You did it,” Dan repeats. 

“What?” Troy says, a little louder. 

“Hey,” Their teacher says, noticing the beginnings of a disturbance. 

“I said, you did it. You vandalized Arin’s locker!” Dan says, in his normal speaking voice, interrupting the class. 

“Mr. Avidan!” His teacher snaps. 

Dan’s cheeks burn but he’s not sure if it’s with anger or embarrassment. 

“I’m not letting you get away with it!” Dan says, and he sees Troy’s eyes widen. 

Dan takes a breath and he darts forward, grabbing Troy’s backpack up off the floor. Troy scrambling for it, but Dan is standing, and Dan’s arms are longer and he wrenches it free. The whole while his teacher is shouting at them to stop, to quiet down and for Dan to get back in his seat. Dan doesn’t. He can’t. 

Dan is a good kid. He really is. He listens and he tries to do his homework. He’s barely ever late for class, so, if this one time, just this once he doesn’t listen, and just this once he ignores his teacher, racing out of the room and back into the hall, intent on running to the office, then, it’s understandable right? An act of love. Dan’s own sacrifice. 

Dan races down the hall with the commotion of the class lingering in his ears behind him. He skids to a stop outside of the office, his sneakers squeaking against tile. He rushes inside, ignores Miss Clemins when she shoots up out of her seat in surprise and runs straight into Principal Deckard’s office where suddenly he’s got three sets of eyes on him. Principal Deckard, Lloyd Hanson, and Arin, wide-eyed and stock still. 

“Mr. Avidan, what are you- “ 

“I know who did it!” Dan pants, “I- “he shakes the bag in hand, “Troy Casters. Troy Casters did it.” 

“Mr. Avidan this is a meeting between Mr. Hanson and myself- “ 

“Wait,” Lloyd says, raising a hand, “Hold on. Dan is Arin’s best friend…they’re practically brothers. If he says he knows what’s going on…I trust him.” 

“He’s a minor and this is confidential information,” Principal Deckard says. 

“He’s got orange paint on his bag. Just like the paint on Arin’s locker. Look!” Dan waves the bag but he stills it in front of Principal Deckard. 

She sighs heavily, but she takes the bag from Dan. Out in the main part of the office Dan hears the phone ring. Principal Deckard examines the bag and then looks between Dan and Arin, and Mr. Hanson. She leaves the backpack on her desk before stepping out into the main part of the office. 

“Miss Clemins, please call down for Troy Casters to come to my office.” 

Dan feels relief flood him, can feel his bones go liquid. Finally, things are going to be fixed. 

“Right away, Principal Deckard. That was actually his teacher Mr. Rose. He was calling to let us know Mr. Avidan here stole another student’s property and ran out of the room without permission, ignoring orders to stop.” 

Principal Deckard glances back to Dan and sighs again. Dan’s chest seizes up. 

“I know you were trying to do a good thing,” Principal Deckard says, glancing at Dan over her shoulder, “But…that’s inexcusable behavior, Daniel.” Principal Deckard turns back to Miss Clemins, “Please call Troy Caster’s _and_ Dan Avidan’s parents, Miss Clemins.” 

Miss Clemins nods, and Dan feels himself go numb. Principal Deckard turns to Dan. 

“You can have a seat in the outer office until your parents get here, Mr. Avidan.” 

Dan nods, glances at Arin, and slips out of the office to wait for his parents to arrive. His body shaking with nerves and energy and adrenaline. He had been reckless, stupid, he had made mistakes, but if it helped…if it solved anything at all…he’d take it. He’d accept them.


	9. Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes life tries to be pretty even-handed. It doesn't deal out a punishment without offering a reward.

Dan sits in the outer waiting room of the office, Miss Clemins sitting at her desk. He listens as she calls Troy's parents first. There's a heavy ball of dread in his stomach. His mom might be home from work, might be getting ready to pick up Dana. His dad should still be at work.

Just as Miss Clemins dials his number, the door to the office opens, one of the hall monitors escorting Troy into the office. Troy's eyes find Dan right away, narrowing at him, and Dan's stomach tightens in anger. He hates conflict, hates fighting. Everything that's been happening lately is so out of his comfort zone, so far away from the person who he feels he really is.

The monitor sits Troy on the opposite side of the office in a chair segregated from the others, designated for kids who are sick and waiting for their parents to pick them up.

Troy doesn't dare speak while Miss Clemins is right in front of them, but Dan can feel the anger burning off of him in waves. He sits, sulking, jaw tight. Dan's own body is rigid and drawn up in fear. He can hear Arin's dad still speaking to Principal Deckard, can hear Miss Clemins's light voice saying, "Yes, thank you, Mrs. Avidan. See you soon."

Miss Clemins hangs up the phone and eyes the two boys in front of her, her hands on her hips as she shakes her head. "Your parents will be here soon," she says before dropping back into her chair.

The door to Principal Deckard's office opens, Lloyd leading Arin out of the office, his hand on Arin's shoulder to guide him. Arin's eyes find Dan first, questioning and so wide open that it’s almost painful to look at him, at how vulnerable he is right now, how completely screwed they both are in this moment. Arin's eyes find Troy next, and Dan watches that vulnerability change, morphing into anger, into hurt and surprise and every other emotion that Dan knows is reflected in his own eyes.

Arin doesn't say anything, and again Troy is suddenly silent, not willing to spew the same shit that he's been dishing out over the last few days.

Principal Deckard talks to Mr. Hanson until he's near the door, but Dan doesn't miss the way that Lloyd's eyes fall to him, the small and reassuring smile that he gives Dan, a reminder that Dan should know that he did the right thing even if everything inside of him feels wrong.

Once Arin and his dad are gone, Dan feels abruptly alone. He hates that he feels like he wants to cry. He digs his fingers into his thighs through his jeans to stem his tears, not willing to give Troy or anyone else the satisfaction that this is all upsetting him.

Five minutes after Arin and his dad leave, the office door opens again and a tall, burly man with auburn hair strides in. His eyes fall to Troy, sitting off to the side, and he sighs. Dan watches Troy toe at the carpet of the office, his face growing red with embarrassment.

"Hello, Mr. Casters," Miss Clemins says. "I'll let Principal Deckard know that you're here."

Mr. Casters nods before focusing on Troy. "Stand up, Troy," he says in a deep, rough voice.

Troy does as he's told, standing up but still sulking, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.

It's just a couple of seconds before Principal Deckard opens the door to her office and ushers Mr. Casters and Troy inside, same as she'd done to Arin and his dad and, soon, what she'd do to Dan and his mom. She closes the door behind Troy, but Dan still sits and strains to hear anything, to find out if Troy's really going to get in trouble for what he did to Arin.

Dan is so focused on trying to eavesdrop on Troy's conference that he misses the sound of the door opening, his attention finally shifting once he hears a deep voice, a man clearing his throat. Dan's head shoots up to find his parents - _both_ of them - standing in front of him.

Dan gapes like a fish, his mouth hanging open. His dad is here. Why is his dad here? He's supposed to be at work. This isn't...this isn't important enough for Avi to leave work for.

Dan's mom looks at him with soft eyes that house mild disappointment. Behind her, Avi mostly looks confused. It's rare for him to be able to attend school functions due to his work schedule, and there are times when he still struggles with the culture. Trying to fit into places like junior high only serves to highlight the differences between Avi and everyone else’s dads.

"What's Avi doing here?" Dan asks.

Both his parents raise their eyebrows at Dan, and he wants to smack himself for even asking. As far as Dan's parents know, Dan's in trouble. They don't know the extent of Dan’s actions or why he even did what he did. How can he even explain it without giving everything away?

"Your school called me and I called your dad to let him know that your grandma was going to pick Dana up. He wanted to know why, so I told him, and he wanted to come," his mom sighs as she looks him over, dropping into the seat next to him. "What happened, Dan?"

"This kid was messing with Arin,” Dan says, his brain working overtime to explain the truth but conceal it at the same time. "He did something really bad to Arin's locker and I had to help prove it. He couldn't get away with it, Debbie."

His mom nods, brushing a hand through his hair in a comforting way, instantly making Dan feel younger than his thirteen years. It feels nice, feels like she understands him. His mom knows the truth, after all; she knows Dan's feelings, knows Dan's heart, how so much of it belongs to Arin.

It feels like an eternity before Troy and his dad come out of Principal Deckard's office. Troy's jaw is still tight, and his dad's face is red and stern. Principal Deckard doesn't follow Troy and his dad to the door as she'd done for Lloyd and Arin. As they pass by Dan and his parents, Troy doesn't even look at him, his gaze locked, unfocused, in front of him.

Dan's heart seizes in his chest as Principal Deckard's voice sounds in the office. "Mr. and Mrs. Avidan, lovely to see you. If you could join me in my office..."

Debbie stands, and Dan follows suit, sandwiched between his parents as the three of them step into the principal's office. The office feels hot and stuffy. Dan can't believe that he's actually wishing that he could be back in class - really, he wants to be anywhere but here, crammed into a chair alongside of his parents and his principal.

"So what happened, Principal Deckard?" Dan's mom asks. "Dan's not one to get in trouble at school. He's always been very well-behaved."

Principal Deckard nods. "I agree. I've never had an issue with Dan. He was being disruptive in class, stole another student's property, and left class without permission."

Dan feels his parents' eyes on him, their gazes weighted. He can feel his face growing red in shame, his hands wringing together in his lap. He wants to melt away into the floor, wants to disappear, float into the sky. He doesn't want to be here anymore.

"He said that he was helping Arin, that something happened to him and Dan was trying to protect him."

"That's true," Principal Deckard says. "We had an incident involving Mr. Hanson and Dan was trying to help a friend, but he went about it in an inappropriate way."

"If I didn't do it, then Troy would have gotten away with it," Dan mutters, a small, defiant flame of anger flickering in his chest.

Principal Deckard doesn't seem surprised by Dan's interruption, most likely used to pre-teens and teens who can't help but talk back. "Then you tell your teacher. You ask to come and see us in the office. You try to do things in a responsible way, Dan."

"Troy would have lied!" Dan says, voice rising. "He would have hidden his bag or something and then he would have just kept hurting Arin! He would've gotten away with calling Arin a - "

Dan stops himself, his brain reeling. His parents are right there, watching him with wide eyes like they don't recognize him. It's okay. Right now, Dan barely recognizes himself.

He stops before he says the word, the slur, his jaw tight.

"A what, Dan?" Avi asks, his voice thick in the quiet of the room.

"That's confidential, Mr. Avidan," Principal Deckard says. "That matter has been solved."

"But my son is involved," Debbie says, her voice calm but more serious than Dan's ever heard before. "He clearly saw something happen to his friend that upset him."

"He called Arin a fag," Dan mutters, his voice barely audible. He knows that everyone in the room heard him, anyway.

Principal Deckard sighs. "Again, that's confidential information regarding two other students. We're not allowed to discuss it without them present."

Dan's parents look ready to interrupt her, so Principal Deckard barrels on, not giving them a chance. "I know that Dan's a good kid. I understand that he was trying to protect a friend. Unfortunately, we have rules in place, and I'm going to have to issue him a detention."

Dan's heart drops. He's never gotten detention, never thought that he would. Ross has gotten it before, for arguing with their teacher, and he'd told Dan that it was horrible, mind-numbingly boring and stuffed full of assholes. Dan really doesn't want to go there.

\--

Fifteen minutes later, Dan is sitting in the backseat of his parent's car. It reminds him of being younger, a little kid, tired from long drives and resting his forehead against the cool glass of the window.

After Dan had gotten issued his detention date (two days from now on a Wednesday afternoon), he and his parents had left, just like Arin and his dad. Now it's a quiet, stilted silence in the stuffy interior of the car. Dan feels bad, his stomach aching with worry, with everything that had happened this afternoon.

Dan's dad breaks the silence, reaching out and turning down the already-low hum of easy listening on the radio. He clears his throat and watches his mom glance at Avi from the front seat.

"I'm..." Avi starts. "I'm confused."

Dan sits up a little, worry beginning to thread in his stomach. His parents hadn't said much about what had happened at the school. Dan's mom is a pretty level-headed woman, but she'd muttered about the idiocy of what had just happened and how Dan’s detention was undeserved.

"About what?" Debbie asks lightly. Dan catches her eyes flickering over him in the rear view mirror.

"I don't understand...that word?" Avi says. "'Fag? What does it mean?"

The word sounds odd, clunky, _ugly_ coming out of Avi's mouth, and Dan's insides tremble. He knows that Avi doesn't understand it, same as Dan had barely understood the impact of it before it was literally right before his eyes in piercing neon orange.

"It's..." Debbie starts, stalling for a moment. She's familiar with explaining things to Avi, has spent years trying to help Avi understand a new culture, help him understand his kids and the life that he's suddenly found himself thrusted into, so different from his previous one. "It's not a good word, Avi," Debbie says. "It's cruel. It's meant to hurt."

Avi nods like he understands. Dan knows that he does. There's been more than one occasion when Dan's been out with Avi and someone stares a little harder, their eyes tracking Avi with an air of mistrust, something that makes Dan's stomach hurt. There are times that he remembers when people would snicker and snort when Avi struggled with English. Dan doesn't think that Avi needs to try too hard to imagine what Arin's feeling like right now.

"Why would they call Arin this?" Avi says. "Arin is a good boy."

Dan's heart jumps in his chest. He's not sure if Avi calling Arin good means that he can't possibly be gay, implying that it's bad to be what they called him, or if he just doesn't think that Arin deserves the teasing. He hopes for the latter but fears for the former. He's paralyzed in the backseat, afraid to find out what his dad's opinion on boys like Arin...boys like _Dan_...really is.

Thankfully, before the conversation can carry on, they're arriving home, pulling into their driveway. Avi sighs, sitting up straight in the passenger seat of the car, his hand curling around the metal of the handle. "Dan," he says.

"Yeah, Avi?" Dan asks, heart in his throat. Maybe Avi's smarter than Dan gives him credit for. Maybe Avi has this all figured out.

"You don't have to go to school tomorrow," Avi says.

Debbie doesn't argue, and like hell Dan's going to object. He nods, but the only thought that makes him even consider going to school tomorrow is, if he doesn't, then Arin will be there alone, facing an even bigger storm and even more rumors because Dan had pulled such a stupid stunt in front of his entire class. Dan can't let Arin go it alone.

Dan nods in return. "Okay, Avi."

Avi smiles. "You're a good boy, Dan. I know this."

\--

That night, after dinner, Dan collapses on his bed and presses his phone to his ear, Arin's number lighting it up as he waits for him to answer.

"Hello?" Arin says, and Dan feels relief at even hearing his voice.

"Hey, Ar."

Arin sighs, soft and tired, across the line, and Dan suddenly aches to be in front of him, to be able to hold him, to be able to comfort him. They aren't that far apart, a few feet at most, but it feels like they're across the ocean from each other for how careful they have to be.

"What happened with Principal Deckard and your dad? If you want to talk about it?"

"She just said all this crap about how the school doesn't tolerate bullying and how Troy would be dealt with and how she was sorry that I had to have this happen to me in school. My dad was cool there, but he was pretty pissed on the way home."

It's hard to imagine Lloyd Hanson, the most chill guy that Dan knows, being angry, even screaming, but the situation is serious and Dan is seeing that, when it comes to certain topics, no one really behaves like themselves.

"He and my mom said that I didn't have to go to school tomorrow if I didn't want to," Arin says, "so, I guess that that's kinda cool, but..."

"But?" Dan asks, he's already smiling on his end of the line, an idea, fresh and new, filling him up.

"But I don't know if I should. I don't want you to be there all alone."

Dan's heart fills, practically explodes, like a firework bright and loud in the sky. "Arin, it's okay. My dad said that I didn't have to go to school, either."

"What?" Arin asks. "Really?"

Dan is full-on smiling, something that he definitely didn't think that he'd be doing tonight. "Yeah, man. We could, like, spend the whole day together if you wanted to?"

Arin lets out a soft laugh. "Of course I want to, Dan."

Dan's stomach goes warm, a light flush covering his cheeks. He can already see it - a whole day of doing nothing but spending time with Arin. It'd be perfect.

"I can come over after Debbie leaves to drop Dana off?" he says.

"Okay," Arin says. "My parents will be at work by then, too."

Dan's thankful that Debbie, Avi, and Arin’s parents all trust them enough to not make them suffer through kiddie things like babysitters. He feels giddy, like he could fall asleep right now, right this second, just so that tomorrow morning comes that much faster.

There's a knock on Dan's door, and then Debbie's voice comes through the thin wood. "Dan? It's your turn to do the dishes, honey."

Dan tucks the phone into his shoulder and says, "Okay, Debbie," before putting the phone back to his ear. "I have to go, Arin. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Arin says, and Dan grins because he can practically hear Arin's smile. "Tomorrow. Good night, Dan."

"Night, Arin."

\--

The next morning, Dan awakens to the sound of his mom opening his bedroom door.

"Dan, I'm going to drop Dana off at school and head to work. There's food in the fridge. If you have any trouble, then just call me or Dad at work, okay?"

"Okay, Mom," Dan says, barely awake and trying to fight the bright sun from infiltrating his eyelids.

His mom huffs out a small laugh and pads away. He can hear Dana's cry of, "But why doesn't _he_ have to go to school?"

Dan grins and rolls over onto his back, waiting until he hears the twin slam of car doors before pushing himself up. He rubs his eyes and runs a hand through his hair before standing and tugging on the same jeans that he wore yesterday.

His plan is to eat breakfast (he doesn't want to seem _too_ eager) before he heads to Arin's for what he hopes is a day of stupid movies on TV and lots of video games. He sits on the couch with a bowl of cereal and watches a few cartoons that he's getting too old for but also still secretly enjoys. Once he's done with his cereal, he also washes his bowl to stall for just a little longer before toeing on some sneakers and padding out the door.

The day is clear and bright, and Dan feels good for once, light without the pressure of having to be at school even if it's just for a day. He walks the familiar path from his house over to Arin's, the driveway of Arin's place empty since his parents have both left for work. Dan only knocks once before the door is tugged open, Arin standing there in his t-shirt and pajama pants, grinning big at Dan.

"Took you long enough," Arin says, moving aside to let Dan into the house.

Dan ducks his head, rubbing at his neck, as the familiar scent of Arin's house fills him. He and Arin are so close, spending so much time together, that Arin’s home feels like an extension of a home to Dan, a place that he's more than comfortable being in. He takes off his shoes near the door before Arin's hand is finding his arm, fingers big and warm.

Dan looks up with a surprised smile to see Arin smiling softer now, looking more than cute with his ever-growing hair falling into his face.

"Isn't it weird?" Arin asks. "How you can be right next to someone but still miss them like crazy?"

Dan nods. Arin doesn't have to explain the feeling. Sometimes, Dan can ache so bad for Arin even when he's standing right there. Dan reaches out and brushes the hair out of Arin's face, fingers lingering on Arin's head for just a moment.

"I missed you," Arin says, a blush crossing his cheeks.

The fingers on Dan's arm turn into a hand gripping at him and tugging him from the front door into the living room. The back of the couch sits facing the door so that, when you first walk in, you're sandwiched in a semi-hallway between the back of the couch and the opposite wall.

Arin leads Dan around the couch, and Dan is surprised to see a pile of blankets and pillows strewn across the hardwood floor. There are snacks, video games, and comic books piled around. It looks like a literal dream that Dan's had before - but better now because Arin's here, too.

"What's all this?" Dan asks.

"Our fun day, stupid," Arin says with a laugh. "I wasn't sure what we wanted to do first, so I just kinda got a lot of stuff out. We can watch TV or play video games or read, or do something else if you want - "

"Arin!" Dan says, giggling. Arin isn't usually so nervous. He's never had to try hard to impress Dan. "Anything is fine as long as it's with you."

Arin's face is pink again, and the hand on Dan's arm shifts, sliding down so that his palm is sliding into Dan's, their fingers linking together. Dan has to fight his own blush from creeping up his neck and spreading to his cheeks.

"We can play video games. You still haven't shown me the water temple in _Ocarina of Time_ yet,” Dan says.

"Oh, man," Arin says, rolling his eyes, "you sure you want to see that?"

"You said that we'd beat it together!" Dan reminds him, smiling his sweetest smile. He doesn't mind, but _Zelda_ games are the only ones that he's really good at, and he likes having Arin there to watch him and help him out if he gets stuck.

"Okay," Arin says as he leads Dan to the blanket-covered floor where the old, gold N64 is already set up and waiting for them. Dan thinks that maybe his choice isn't much of a surprise to Arin, after all.

The two of them settle cross-legged next to each other on the plush blanket that Arin had thrown down, their backs against the bottom of the loveseat behind them. As the title screen for the game loads, Dan feels a rush of calmness take over him. This is all that he ever wants - to spend time with Arin, to just exist with him, safe and at home.

They play the game for a good three hours, Arin dying several times and screaming at Link to, "Just jump where I tell you to! Oh, my God!" and Dan laughing at Arin's intense anger at the tiny video game character on screen. Eventually, they lose interest, Arin and Dan digging into the snacks that Arin had brought to the blanketed area; chips and pretzels and cereal boxes because, even though their parents hate it, Dan and Arin have been known to down an entire box of cereal dry in one day.

After their stomachs are stuffed with junk food, Dan slumps down against the floor, his head finding one of the pillows that Arin had dragged out from his bedroom, the pillowcase smelling like Arin's shampoo. They have the TV on, cartoons again, but Dan isn't really paying attention. He's feeling warm and content and lazy, and he smiles as Arin slumps down next to him, their shoulders touching.

Dan reaches over and finds Arin's hand again, twining their fingers together and turning his head on the pillow to find Arin's soft smile. Like this, just the two of them, it's easy to forget everything else, letting the rest of the world melt away. It's difficult to remember _why_ they earned this day off in the first place, how they can hide for today but not forever, that the rest of the world is still out there, still waiting for them.

Dan turns onto his side so that he can face Arin, and, in the process, their hands lose each other. Dan makes up for it by seeking out Arin's cheek, brushing the fine, round apple of his smile.

"I'm so glad," Arin says, "to have you."

Dan flushes, his insides wobbling, stomach twitching. "Me, too," he says. "I'd do anything for you, Arin."

"All I need is for you to stay with me," Arin says. "Nothing else."

Dan nods. "I can do that."

Arin's eyes flicker over Dan's face, and Dan catches the pink tip of Arin's tongue sliding across his bottom lip before he says, "Can I kiss you?"

They've kissed before - a few times by now - but the quiet way that Arin is asking, how they're lying side by side...it feels new and exciting and Dan would never, ever say 'no' to Arin. He nods, his throat too dry to speak.

Arin leans in, his hand finding Dan's side. Dan's fingers move clumsily as he grabs onto the back of Arin's arm, holding him. Their touches are light, and the gentle press of their lips is sweet but electric. Dan can't ever get over this feeling, this warm buzz that flows through him whenever their mouths meet.

They exchange the same sweet kisses, but then there's something new, the wet press of Arin's tongue against his lip. Dan makes a surprised noise. This is...this is the kind of kissing that happens in movies, in the TV shows that Dana likes to watch. Dan's nerves hit him. Does...does Arin want that kind of kissing?

Dan isn't sure if he knows what he's doing, but he tries to stay relaxed and let his mouth open a little, and then he can feel Arin's tongue in his mouth and it takes everything that he has not to pull away just out of the general weirdness of the situation. The oddity of it fades fast, though, because then Arin's tongue touches his and he feels fire burn straight through his body.

They break apart quickly. Dan feels dizzy, a little like the time when he got heatstroke at the local fair.

He opens his eyes to see Arin looking embarrassed. "Was that...okay?" he asks.

"Um," Dan says.

"Because," Arin drives on, "I just wanted to try it. That's how Nate's always kissing his girlfriend. I thought that I should kiss you that way, but, um, not if you didn't like it?"

"I..." Dan starts, finding his voice. "I liked it."

"You did?" Arin asks, smiling. He sounds a little proud of himself.

Dan nods, his fingers tightening in Arin's t-shirt. "Kinda a lot."

"Me, too," Arin admits, face going red. "A lot."

"Can we kiss some more?" Dan asks. "I like that, too."

Arin nods, snorting, his face still red as he leans back in. They kiss in the small, sweet way that they had before. They had both enjoyed the new way, but Dan thinks that Arin can feel it, too, the sense that they were brushing against something too big for them, not meant for them quite yet. That's fine. Dan doesn't need much more than kissing Arin's lips over and over again, tasting the salt from chips and sugar from soda lacing them.

Dan's not sure when their kissing slows, when they become lazy, when the two of them wrap up in each other and fall asleep together on the floor in their man-made nest of pillows and blankets, just that it happens. He's aware of Arin's body close to his, the rhythm of Arin's breathing lulling him into an easy sleep.


	10. Detention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day off is over and now Dan and Arin have to go back to school, and Dan has to serve is dreaded detention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa! Sorry it's been a while between the last chapter and this one! My job got busy and I had a big project due that has since been finished. The update schedule should be fairly regular for a while!

Their day off goes by far too fast, the day before feeling like a hazy dream, and, before Dan knows it, it's already Wednesday morning - the day of his detention.

He sits next to Arin in the backseat of Arin's mom's car, their hands brushing but not quite touching.

"Your detention is crap," Arin says, his jaw tight.

Dan's been nervous all day about his impending detention. He's always been the kind to get embarrassed easily, always wanting to do the right thing and be considered a pretty good kid. He'd never thought that he'd wind up in detention.

He glances at Arin, at the way that the early morning sunlight catches in his hair, warming his face as he peers out the window, and he knows that it was a battle worth fighting.

"I know, but it's just one day," Dan says, trying to comfort the both of them, trying to convince himself. "It'll go by fast."

Arin nods, but his face hasn't loosened into that sweet grin that Dan loves so much. He'd kill to see that right now.

"Are you nervous?" Arin asks, turning to look at Dan now, pulling his gaze from the street signs that show that their school is just ahead. "Because I'm a little nervous."

Dan considers pretending that he isn't, like, if he's strong, then Arin will be, too, but he's crap at hiding things from Arin and he's even worse at lying, so he shrugs.

"A little bit. I don't think that anyone will mess with you. If they do, then you tell me."

"So that you can get more detentions?" Arin asks, a smile playing at his mouth. It relaxes Dan to see it, to know that Arin can still find humor in the oddest of places.

All too soon, Arin's mom is pulling up to the school, grimacing at the building. Dan had been invited to stay over for dinner last night by Arin's parents, so he had, and, while there, he got to hear Arin's usually calm parents complain about the school and what had happened. Arin's mom was no happier about the situation than Arin's dad had been.

"You boys have a good day," she says sweetly, her eyes carding over them. "If anything happens, Arin, then you call me and I'll leave the ranch right away and come and get you."

Arin nods, but his cheeks flush pink. "Thanks, Mom."

Dan had been hoping that the student body would have a new topic of conversation by the time that they came back, but it seems that they're still the focus. Whispers, pointed fingers, and eyes trailing them every step are all things that greet them. 

Ross and Barry pop out of nowhere, rushing up to them.

"You're here!" Ross says.

"Um," Dan says, "yeah?"

"We thought you got suspended," Barry says. "Like Troy."

"Troy got suspended?" Dan asks, his eyebrows arching in surprise.

Barry nods. "Yeah, for, like, a week. You guys didn't come to school yesterday, so we thought that you got suspended, too."

"No, our parents didn't make us come to school if we didn't want to...you know, recovery time," Arin says.

Dan can't lie, it's a relief to hear that Troy had gotten suspended, that, just for a little while, neither he nor Arin have to worry about seeing him. He glances around them, people wearing the same surprised expression that Dan had worn when Ross and Barry had told them about Troy's suspension. Dan and Arin being at school when they were thought to be suspended might be why everyone's talking.

"Well, hell, this is a cause for celebration, then," Ross says.

Dan sighs. "It's not really a celebration if we're still at school and I have detention tonight."

"Oh," Ross says. "Yeah, that definitely still sucks." He claps Dan on the shoulder. "Don't worry, though. I'll give you some pointers."

"Thanks," Dan says weakly, feeling no better about his survival rate for today's detention than he had before he arrived to school. 

Homeroom is approaching, so Dan and Arin part ways, Arin walking off to his class with Barry and Dan with Ross. With Troy gone, Dan feels better about Arin being in class; maybe Troy's suspension will deter others from trying to mess with Arin, Troy being proof of what might happen to them if they did.

When Dan and Ross walk into class, there are some looks, a small bout of whispers, enough to make Dan squirm uncomfortably.

"Excuse me," Ross says loudly, drawing all eyes to him, “I know that I'm amazing, but you don't all need to stare at me, Jesus."

The class murmurs, and Dan hears a distinct, "Fuck off, Ross," but a few people laugh. Dan certainly appreciates Ross's efforts to distract from the focus on Dan. With everything that's been happening with Arin, with how their friendship evolved into something else, Dan knows that he's been neglecting Ross and Barry, his two other best friends.

Ross is unfortunately somewhat used to being harassed in school. He moved to America in fourth grade, his dad having been transferred for work purposes. Ross was new and his thick Australian accent did him no favors. He was teased a lot, Dan remembers. He and Ross have been in the same class since fourth grade, Dan being one of Ross's first and only friends that year. As Ross adapted to America and became more confident (or just began giving less of a shit what other people thought of him), the teasing eased up a little. He learned to give it back as good as he got it, learned to use humor a lot of the time to deflect things.

As the two of them sit down, Ross winks at Dan, and Dan can feel his chest fill with affection for his friend. He considers himself lucky to have people who will still stand by him, even now. He still remembers the very real fear that he had that Ross and Barry wouldn't be able to accept Dan and Arin's relationship.

"Thanks, Ross," Dan murmurs, just quiet enough for Ross to hear.

"No problem, buddy," Ross says, smiling broad and kind.

The day passes by fairly smoothly. Dan gets to see Arin at lunch and no one fucks with them, but everyone still stares, like Dan and Arin are an interesting new species of animal that no one knows quite how to interact with.

"How was your morning?" Dan asks Arin, eager to know if Arin was getting messed with.

"It was fine," Arin says. "I think that people are kinda scared of me?"

"They gave us a speech yesterday," Barry says. "Told us all to remember the 'no bullying' rule and how serious it is. I'd definitely say people are scared to mess with you in front of a teacher."

Arin sighs, seeming no happier about the fact that people don't want to harass him.

"That's a good thing, Arin," Ross fills in helpfully.

Arin glances up at Ross. "I know, but I'd rather just fade back into the scenery, you know? Where no one bugged me, but no one was scared of me, either."

Dan knows the feeling, the knowledge that the people around you know too much about you. How tiring it can be to pretend you don’t feel their eyes pinned on you as you try to go about your day. Dan had dealt with much the same, and it wasn’t a fun feeling. 

Dan reaches out and almost touches Arin's hand, nearly covering it with his own where it lies on top of the lunch table. Dan waves and lowers his hand, remembering where they are, how it isn't the safety of Arin's living room on a sunny weekday morning.

Arin had been watching Dan's movement with slightly widened eyes, like he's scared for Dan to touch him in public. That doesn't feel good, either, but Dan understands it. If they touched, then it would only load more ammunition into the gossip cannon.

"They'll move on," Barry says, thankfully pushing the conversation along. "I mean; the school is full of idiots. Someone is bound to do something stupid soon enough."

Dan wishes that he could say that he's comforted by the thought that one of his classmates might do something stupider than the way he's been acting these last few days, but it doesn't help right now, each glance feeling like rocks in his pockets, only making him heavier, making it harder to move.

Lunch ends too soon for Dan's liking, not only parting Dan and Arin again but, now that it's the afternoon, the end of lunch signals that Dan only has two classes left before he's meant to serve his detention. His stomach is tight with nerves, and when he and Ross head back to their afternoon class, the one that Dan had his outburst in, their teacher, Mr. Rose, shoots him a dirty look, one that makes Dan's stomach hurt even more. It's clear that he doesn't trust Dan to not make another scene in the classroom.

"If we can manage it," Mr. Rose says, shooting a look at Dan, "we'll be working on our math packets today. Please take out your packets and arrange yourselves into two-person teams."

Ross's hand finds Dan's shoulder as he, quick as lighting, turns his desk so that he and Dan are facing each other. Dan digs his packet out, feeling too uncomfortable to focus on the work in front of him. Lucky for Dan, Ross doesn't seem to actually want to do the assignment, either. Instead, he leans forward, pencil doodling abstract designs on the clean, white sheet of notebook paper.

"So, for detention," Ross says, tapping the eraser of his pencil against the paper, "basically just sit there and be quiet."

"Gee, thanks for the great advice, Ross."

"Hey, I know that it sounds simple, but the other kids in there are going to try to goad you, especially if they don't like you. There's a monitor in there, but he wants to be there about just as much as you do, trust me. He doesn't want to have to yell at you one hundred times, so if he gets pissed, he'll just add another day on."

Dan nods, feeling his nerves tighten in his stomach. He knows that it's likely that detention won't be half as bad as he's making it out to be in his head, that he's working himself up more than he needs to, but he can't shake the feeling that he'll be a human punching bag for the better half of his sentence.

"If anyone says shit to you, just ignore it, no matter what it is. If it's about you, your mom, Arin..." Ross taps the paper with his fingertip. "Just. Ignore it. Dan."

Dan nods. Ignoring shit about Arin hasn't exactly been his strong suit lately, but he doesn't want to wind up with more detentions, so he'll try his best to shut up and keep his head down.

"Other than that, you should be fine, except..."

"Except?" Dan asks, feeling his nerves flare up again.

"Except if the monitor leaves the room. People get brave and try to act up or, like, when you're leaving to go home, you have to walk out to the parking lot, right? Sometimes, they wanna follow you."

Dan swallows. He'd told his mom that he'd be fine walking home on his own today because it was harder for her to come and get him in the later hour. Arin will have already walked home or gotten picked up by his mom, leaving Dan on his own. If someone really wanted to fuck with him, they wouldn't have a hard time.

Dan doesn't voice this concern to Ross. He just nods, pretending to scribble down an answer on his packet when Mr. Rose walks by, Ross switching between glancing at his packet and at Dan to make sure that he's okay.

\--

School ends, and Dan only has a few minutes to report to detention, definitely not long enough to look for Arin and check in on him or to tell him or Barry goodbye. Ross lingers in the hall for a moment, but he's got to catch the bus, so he can't stick around, either. Dan puts his books away, taking his backpack and a solitary notebook with him into the detention room, a stuffy room at the end of the hall that Dan thinks used to be a computer lab before the school did renovations over the summer. There's a man who he doesn't recognize behind the desk, seemingly already bored out of his mind.

"Sign in," the man says, tapping a clipboard on the desk that he's sat at.

Dan bends and scribbles his name on the list among the other detention servers. He turns from the clipboard and scans the rows of desks. There are some kids in here already, none who he knows but a couple who he recognizes. Way in the back, he sees Ken Morrison sitting alongside his usual companion, Felix. Dan doesn't know them, but they're both eight graders in different classes than his own. He doesn't think that they're the type to wind up in detention for shit like Troy did, more like the type to wind up in detention because they're running around the school, acting like idiots together.

Speaking of Troy, Dan can see one of Troy's friends sitting off to the left of the room, and his eyes track Dan as Dan moves along the right wall, taking a seat near one of the few open windows, only a hint of a breeze rolling in to greet him.

"Didn't want to sit by me, Avidan?" Troy's friend - his name escapes Dan - asks.

"No talking," the monitor says from the front of the room, spitting it out like he's a toy who says the same thing every time you pull his string.

The kid frowns at Dan and rolls his eyes at the monitor at the front of the room.

Dan feels nervous, jittery. A few more kids pile into the room before detention truly starts, but Dan doesn't know them, either. He pulls out his notebook and pencil. He should probably be productive and use this time to do homework, but his brain is hazy from school and from being so anxious about detention that he feels all but fried. He finds himself lazily sketching shapes onto the page, shading them in. He can't draw like Arin and Ross, but it's enough to keep his mind busy as the loud clock set up on the wall ticks away, the hand moving slowly like molasses.

Fifteen minutes pass by in what feels like an hour. Dan already feels bored, hot, and tired, and he wonders if Arin made it home safely. For a moment, he pictures Arin toeing off his sneakers and dropping his backpack near the front door, Arin's parents asking about his day and Arin telling them with a little embarrassment, a little bit of pink coloring his cheeks that, no, nothing happened, but things weren't exactly back to normal yet either.

Dan is pulled from his thoughts of Arin by a knocking on the detention room door. He looks up in time to see a young, blonde teacher's assistant - one that a lot of the boys in his class are harboring massive crushes on - lean into the room.

"Mr. Miller, you have a phone call in the office."

The monitor, Mr. Miller, stands, wiping his hands down his button-up to smooth the material as he smiles at the assistant.

"Thank you, Miss Anderson," he says, his smile intact. That smile doesn't fade until he looks out at the small wave of students under his care. "I'll be gone five minutes tops." He points to a sphere on the ceiling of the room. "There's a camera right there that feeds right into the office so that I can see what you're doing, so no funny business."

"Of course not, Mr. Miller," Ken says from the back of the room.

Mr. Miller's eyes narrow, but he doesn't stay to argue as he slips from the room, closing the door behind him. Dan doesn't move. He doesn't look up or at anyone else. He keeps his eyes trained on his notebook, hand moving as he pretends to write, to be too engrossed in what he's doing to notice anyone else in the room, and silently prays that they'll just leave him alone.

"Doesn't he know that we know that the camera hasn't worked since they remodeled in here?" Ken asks.

Dan can hear Felix let out a throaty laugh. "But he still says it every time."

Dan sweats, still not looking up. He'd believed the camera shit, had held faith that, if someone fucked with him, then Mr. Miller would be able to see it. Now he could get his ass handed to him and no one would be the wiser.

"Hey," Dan hears a voice say, but he won't look. He won't engage. He keeps Ross's words in his head: _"Ignore them, Dan."_

"Hey," the same voice says again. "You fucking deaf or something, Avidan?"

Ignore.

"Bet if I was offering you a kiss, then you'd be listening, right, gay boy?"

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

"Or maybe you just like the fat, dumpy type?"

Dan grits his teeth, his breath a harsh exhale, but he keeps his head down, ignoring the kid.

"Hey!" Ken says. "Shut the fuck up, would you? I don't want to hear this bullshit."

The kid is silent for a moment, and Dan breathes a thankful sigh. He doesn't think that Ken's exactly doing it for Dan's benefit, but, either way, he made it stop.

"That's cool. We'll just catch up after detention, right, Avidan?"

Dan swallows, ignoring the kid. The silence that follows is strong, ringing in his ears.

Mr. Miller comes back and nods at the silence that he finds, groaning as he plops down into his seat.

Time ticks on. Dan couldn't wait for detention to end, but now he's scared for what comes after, for his walk home. He's not much of a fighter, believing in peaceful resolution over physical. His hand aches as if to remind him of the time when he punched Troy Casters in the mouth, one step in the series that set off this chain reaction that led to this moment.

Mr. Miller doesn't move again for the rest of the period, and detention ends not long after. Dan stays sitting, trying to let everyone else file out before him. He takes a long time to pack up his single notebook and pencil, stalling for time. The kid isn't moving, his gaze pinned on Dan.

Mr. Miller clears his throat from the front of the room.

"I'd like to go home, boys."

"Right," Dan says with a nod, standing and shouldering his backpack. He notices that Troy's friend does the same, mimicking Dan's movements. The other kid exits the classroom first and Dan slows his steps a little, falling more in line with Mr. Miller, only leaving the room when Mr. Miller flips off the lights, keys jangling as he locks up the door.

Outside the classroom, Dan scans the barren hall, awaiting an ambush. It doesn't come, and Dan’s nerves light up inside of him. He feels a touch on his shoulder and he gasps, whirling around to face Mr. Miller.

"Are you okay, son?" Mr. Miller asks, eyebrows arched in Dan's direction.

"I'm fine," Dan says. He isn't, but what good would it do to tell Mr. Miller that he thought that he was going to be followed home? The school's office is already darkened, everyone else having gone home for the day. Mr. Miller clearly wants to be done with work for the day, too, asking Dan the question more because he has to than because he really wants to know.

Dan shoulders his bag and hurries down the hall, trying to walk casually but ending up at a half-running pace. He pushes through the double doors into the slanting late afternoon sun. On the concrete steps, Dan can see a shadow behind him, stretching thick and dark, and he shivers, heart rabbit-fast in his chest as he turns around, curling his fist into a tight ball, just in case.

Dan blinks, sun in his eyes. The figure stands and Dan's fist loosens up. It's not the kid. Not a stranger waiting to pounce. It's...

"Arin?" Dan says.

Arin nods, pushing some of his hair behind his ear and stretching. "God, you took forever to come out."

"What are you doing here?" Dan asks.

"I waited for you. They kicked me out from the hallway once I told them that I was going to walk home, so I had to wait out here. I wasn't going to make you walk home alone, dude."

Dan grins, his heart lifting, soaring into the sky in his chest. Arin moves down the concrete steps so that he's level with Dan, his backpack over his shoulder. His fingers brush Dan's wrist, a subtle touch, gentle and hidden. Dan doesn't move away.

"How bad was detention?"

"Not as bad as I'd thought," Dan says. "Ross actually gave me some good tips."

Arin smiles. "Did anyone mess with you?"

"Nah," Dan says, not sure why he's lying to Arin - maybe to spare them both the truth, to try to forget about it all. "It was fine. I'm starving, though. Let's get going."

Arin nods, and they walk down the steps and through the concrete of the parking lot, where Dan can see Mr. Miller just now unlocking his car. They quickly cross the street. Dan is happy to have Arin with him, touched that Arin would sacrifice some of his night to wait for Dan so that they could walk home together.

They're a block away from the school when Dan presses his hand to Arin's, smile widening when Arin takes it, holding on. For once, Dan doesn't care if a car drives by and sees them, sees the way their fingers lace together like they were made for each other. He doesn't really care at all.

Let them see.


	11. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan learns that having a boyfriend leads to new boundaries, new rules in places where none had existed before.

Dan survives detention and doesn’t get beat-up and Thursday passes without issue. Sure, there are still looks, still whispers and rumors and sneers that follow the two of them around the hallways; but other than that, the day is normal and Dan can only hope it will continue to normalize, like he and Arin will just be something that becomes plain, boring, and absolutely average. Dan can’t wait for the day he and Arin become ‘old news’ as Barry had put it. Just like Arin had said, he feels a little like he’s living under a microscope, all his actions studied like he’s a very rare and dangerous sample stuck in a petri dish that wants nothing to do with him. 

He thinks a part of the reason things have calmed down at school is because Troy is still suspended, and a part of Dan fears that the wave of calamity will pick up once his classmate returns. This extended vacation is giving Troy plenty of time to stew on what happened, and lots of time to prepare his revenge against Arin and Dan. 

There was still nearly a week of Troy’s suspension so Dan can put off those fears, push them aside, but at the same time he can feel Troy’s impending return hovering over him like a shadow, hear it like the ticking of a clock in his ear. At least it was almost the weekend, and once the weekend hit it was always easier to breathe, to remember that Dan had a life outside these brick and cement walls. He just has to make it through this day. 

“Hey,” Barry says, approaching Dan at his locker, bright and early on Friday morning. 

“Hey, Bar,” Dan says, grabbing his books for the day. Arin had to talk to his homeroom teacher about a missing homework assignment so he’d already headed to his class, “What’s up?” 

“My parents said I could have some friends over this weekend, so, I was thinking a sleepover? You and me, and Arin and Ross? I thought maybe we could use it?” 

Dan grins. He could certainly use a night with all of his friends, and Arin, and video games, and movies, and Barry’s older brother Alex who was actually really nice and sometimes made them sandwiches, and told really stupid jokes that made Dan snort into his cans of soda. 

“I have to ask my mom and dad, but if they say yes, then I definitely will!” 

“Cool,” Barry says, “I already told Arin about it. Do you want to mention it to Ross?” 

“Sure, man, no problem.” 

The bell in the hallway rings once, warning Barry and Dan that if they don’t leave now for class then they’ll be late by the next time the bell goes off. Dan can’t exactly afford more trouble if he can help it, so he closes his locker and nods to Barry as he hurries off to his homeroom. 

In homeroom they are given newspapers and magazines, meant to read about a current event and then pair up with a classmate and discuss said event. Dan skims an article about foreign policy and he can see Ross reading comics instead of actually doing the work, so he flips through the paper, hoping he somehow got the sports section. 

He and Ross pair up which is par for the course, their teacher not caring enough to argue with anyone’s choice in partner. 

“Barry says he wants to have a sleep over at his house this Saturday with all of us. Do you think you can make it?” 

“Probably,” Ross says, “I gotta ask my dad.” 

Dan nods, “Me too, but I think they’ll say yes.” 

Ross smiles, “I hope so. It’s been a while since we all hung out, not since…” he trails off and glances around, eyes flickering over Dan before he goes back to his comics, “For a while.” 

Dan knows what Ross was going to say. They haven’t all hung out together since Dan and Arin broke off into something new, their friendship shifting into something bigger than the four of them had words for. Still, Ross and Barry were his best friends and Dan didn’t intend for that to change any more than it already had. 

“It’ll be awesome,” Dan says. 

Ross nods, opens his mouth to say something, but a low hiss interrupts him. 

“You going gay too, O’Donovan?” a boy, one of Troy’s cronies asks, leaning over to keep the conversation quiet, but loud enough for Ross and Dan to hear, “Gonna kiss Avidan at that sleepover?” 

“Why?” Ross says, “You jealous? Wish I was kissing you instead?” 

The guy frowns, “Shut the fuck up, you queer.” 

“Anyway, I won’t be kissing anyone on Saturday, oh, except for, you know, your mom. She’s been begging me to come back over and give her the business.” 

Dan can see the kid’s hand curl into a fist and Ross is grinning like he won a damn prize, and Dan only wishes he could dish it back out as good as Ross, how insults bounce off of him like it’s nothing. To Dan’s surprise, the guy next to them shuts up. What’s even more surprising is how the insult lobbed at both of them didn’t hurt as bad as usual, like Dan is getting used to it, and that is more frightening to him than it is a relief. 

The kid doesn’t fuck with them the rest of the class, but on the way to their first period he makes it a point to bump into Ross, knocking into his shoulder _hard_ , and Ross is small, thin and his body lurches easily, Dan swinging out an arm to catch him so he doesn’t fall to the floor. A small chorus of giggles sound and Ross shakes out of Dan’s touch, cheeks red with heat, looking like he wants to go after the kid and do something stupid, something that will land him in detention. 

“Ross, don’t,” Dan says, “It’s not worth it. We’re going to be out of school for the weekend in a couple of hours.” 

Ross breathes harsh through his nose, but he calms under Dan’s hand, nodding and pushing fingers through his hair, “You’re right.” 

Through his next class Dan first counts the hours until the end of the school day and when that seems too long, seems unending, he counts the hours until he can see Arin at lunchtime. That’s more reasonable, something to look forward to. 

Once Dan hits the cafeteria he scans for Arin and Barry. He spots the smaller of the two already seated at one of the long tables, picking at his food, but Arin is nowhere in sight. Dan skips the food line to pad over to Barry. 

“Where’s Arin?” 

Barry looks up from his meal, “Mrs. Fink wouldn’t let him re-take his test this morning. He had to take it now.” 

“During lunch?” Dan asks, “Did he get to eat?” 

“He grabbed a bag of chips from the vending machine.” 

Dan frowns. Now he couldn’t see Arin, had to put off their reunion that much longer, and he knows it isn’t too much, nothing that would kill him, but being in school with so many people who are rough and mean, it only makes Dan want to cling to what is soft. 

Dan grabs his lunch, thinking of Arin eating chips and trying to finish a test that he had missed on their parent-approved day off. Ross and Barry are talking about the sleepover and arguing about what game they should play first. Ross wants Smash Bros and Barry wants Mario. Dan doesn’t have an opinion. He’s not great at any of them, really, but he still has fun watching his friends fumble with the controllers and lose their minds. 

\--  
By the time the bell rings signaling the end of their last class, Dan is practically racing out of the room and trying to get to his locker to throw all the crap he won’t need for the weekend inside of it. He scans around for Arin, trying to find the soft familiar face in the sea of his peers who all want out of school as badly as he does right now. 

“Hey!” Dan hears a voice say and he whirls around to see Arin standing there, backpack hooked over one shoulder and a small smile on his face. 

“Hey,” Dan says. Every instinct tells him to reach out and take Arin’s hand where it’s resting at his side, Dan so ready for some kind of contact, but doing that would be like covering himself in raw fish and jumping into shark-infested waters, the eyes of their classmates as sharp as glistening white teeth, “How did your test go?” 

Arin shrugs, “I passed, barely. It was stupid anyway. Mrs. Fink just wanted to give me a hard time.” 

Dan nods and spares only a second as he closes up his locker, picks up his own backpack, and focuses back on Arin. 

“I missed you today,” Dan says, not caring how cheesy or lame he sounds. 

Arin’s grin widens and he flicks hair out of his face, “I missed you too. I’m sorry I had to bail on lunch.” 

“It’s okay,” Dan says. He and Arin walk down the hall at a leisurely pace, content to let the other kids fight each other to race out the door. The hallway is emptying around them and again that feeling tugs at him, the urge to lace his fingers with Arin’s. There’s still too many people around to do that and once they hit outside the buses will still be lined up, seventh and eighth graders loading on and they’d be sitting ducks for insults to be lobbed at them from the small square cuts of windows. 

It isn’t until the two of them are a block away from their middle school that Dan lets his fingers reach out and brush against Arin’s. He feels Arin’s hand twitch and then Arin let’s out a giggle, his face wide with a smile that always manages to draw one from Dan too. He holds Arin’s hand in his own, feeling the warmth of their palms meeting. Cars pass them by, but Dan doesn’t break away, doesn’t act like he was never touching Arin at all. Maybe, just like the insults hurled at him, he’s getting used to this too. Settling into Arin’s touch without a care for what passerby’s might think. 

\--  
That night at dinner, after Dan talks about his day at school and Dana rambles on with a story about a girl named Kaylee who was her friend yesterday, but now isn’t her friend today, Dan manages to ask his parents about the impending sleep over. 

“Barry?” his dad asks, scratching at his chin, “Which one is he? The loud one?” 

Dan sighs, “That’s Ross.” 

“He’s the Kramer’s son, dear,” Debbie says, patting his arm, “You remember?” 

Avi nods, eyes lighting with acknowledgment, “Ah! Barry, yes. Eh, he’s a good kid, very smart, very polite.” 

“Do you have any homework for the weekend, Dan?” Debbie asks. 

“No, Doobles, I finished it all in school.” 

His mom smiles at him, looks like she’s just happy that things are going better for her son, that he isn’t miserable in school. Things aren’t perfect but they are definitely improving. 

“Then I don’t see any reason why you can’t spend the night at Barry’s tomorrow.” 

“Who else will be sleeping over?” Avi asks. 

“Um,” Dan says with a shrug, “Well, me, Barry, Ross, and Arin.” 

Avi nods approvingly, but Dan is surprised to see that Debbie is giving him an odd look, her gaze heavy on him. He keeps expecting her to say something, to speak what’s on her mind because she’s never had an issue with it before, but she keeps eating her dinner, smiling at Avi and Dana and throwing worried looks at Dan. 

Dinner is over and its Dana’s turn to do the dishes, Avi offering to help her set up the sink so the water isn’t too hot. He scoops her up in his arms and she laughs and kicks at him as he carries her into the kitchen. Dan is going to go to his room when his mom stops him. 

“Danny,” she says. 

Dan stops and he turns back to the table, eyeing his mom, taking in that same pinched look on her face. She collects their dirty plates, stacking them into a pile before she sighs, hand moving to her hip. 

“I, um, wanted to talk to you for a minute.” 

It’s weird to hear his mom sound nervous, makes Dan’s stomach roll with the dinner he’d just devoured. 

“Uh, okay, what’s up, Debbie?” 

Debbie sighs, brushes her red hair out of her face, “Well, you said Arin is going to be sleeping over at Barry’s too, right?” 

“Yeah?” 

Debbie is quiet, eyes scanning the table and Dan can practically see the gears turning in her mind. 

“Well, I’m a little concerned.” 

“Why?” Dan asks. He’s been having sleepovers with Arin and the others since they moved into this house and there has never been an issue. As long as a set of parents are home then Dan’s parents are generally fine with it. 

“Well, honey, you _like_ Arin now, like you said. You have, um, feelings for him? I just, I remember what being a teenager is like and how things can feel when you- “ 

“Mom!” Dan nearly shouts, his eyes shifting to the kitchen door to make sure Avi doesn’t come back through. Dan’s face is burning, “Mom…is this like a _sex-ed_ thing?” 

Debbie seems about as comfortable as Dan is talking about this, but she’s his mom and she powers through it, much to Dan’s dismay. 

“I just want you to be safe, Danny. I don’t want you or Arin jumping into something you might regret.” 

“ _Mom_ ,” Dan moans, wishing he could be anywhere but here, his face on fire. He thinks back to being on the floor of Arin’s living room. The two of them kissing the way they saw on TV, how it had made fire blossom in Dan’s bones, but how it felt like too much, felt like he was drowning. He didn’t want to talk about this. Did his mom really think…did she think he and Arin would do _that_? 

“Look, Dan,” Debbie says, finding her footing again, “All I am trying to say is that I don’t want you to rush into anything. You just turned thirteen and Arin is twelve, just be smart, and if you really, _really_ can’t be smart then be safe. I know I’m probably the last one you want to talk to about this, but it’s important, honey.” 

Dan nods, but he can’t meet her eyes. He focuses on the leftover chicken from his plate. He knows she’s trying to protect him, Arin too, the both of them, and Dan realizes how now this is an issue where it never had been before, how suddenly his best friend being his boyfriend places certain boundaries where none had existed. 

“Do you already know about condoms?” 

“ _Yes_ , Mom,” Dan says, face burning even more. In truth, Avi had sat him down the day of his thirteenth birthday, an hour before his party started and had stumbled through an explanation of condoms and how to put one on and how Dan was a man and needed to know. They had both ended the conversation red-faced and unable to look at each other a little while after that. 

Debbie nods, putting her hands together, “Okay, well, if you have questions you can come and ask me and we’ll just, we’ll find the answers together, okay?” 

Dan nods, “Okay, Debbie…can I go now?” 

She nods, and Dan sighs a huge sigh of relief as he hurries to his room. 

Dan is flustered as he sits on his bed. He knows, logistically what sex is. At one of their sleepovers at Arin’s house Arin had put in an old VHS tape of a porn video that belonged to his dad. Arin had laughed, had elbowed Dan and Ross and said, “You have to see _this_.” And together the four of them had sat in Arin’s basement, the TV showing them a couple, locked in an embrace, bodies moving together as they had sex. The laughter died down pretty fast and though Dan was embarrassed he couldn’t look away, none of them could. 

So, he knew what sex with a woman was supposed to be. What he didn’t yet understand was how any of that would translate to Arin? He didn’t know how it worked and the last thing he _ever_ wanted to do was ask either of his parents about it. He could ask Ross or Barry, but then it might seem like that was something he wanted to know so he could _do_ that with Arin. His face burns at the thought. 

Dan thinks about the warm afternoon when they had kissed deeper than before, kissed like they thought they should and how fire had shot up Dan’s spine. Was sex like that too? Did Arin want that? Or expect it? Was Dan supposed to do something about it soon? He was nervous, completely out of his element. He was perfectly happy to just spend his time kissing Arin’s lips, tasting the salt on them and touching Arin’s face. Couldn’t they just do that? 

Finally, Dan’s curiosity gets the better of him and he plops down in front of his computer, opening Google and after glancing to make sure that his bedroom door was closed all the way, Dan types his thoughts into the search bar: _Gay Sex_. He presses enter and then with shaking fingers he clicks the first linked result. 

The page opens to a bevy of skin, hands and mouths and _dicks_ everywhere. Dan flushes, and he lets out a squeak when the video in the center of the page starts to play by itself. It’s two men, lying on a bed and kissing, their dicks are hard and their hands roam over each other’s chests as their tongues meet. They are making these sounds and Dan panics, closing the window before someone overhears him. So, that was a pretty terrible idea.

He goes to his bed, shaky and uncomfortable, helplessly picturing himself and Arin in the roles of the men in the video. Dan shakes his head, pressing his face into the pillow. Dan had been excited for the sleepover but now he was nervous. Did Arin expect Dan to make a move? To do something like _that_? Dan didn’t think he could. He thinks he’d die about one hundred times before he even got _close_ to anything like that. 

Dan lies there, sweating and uncomfortable, a small ball of dread in his stomach at the prospects for tomorrow night. He had to be overthinking it, but he couldn’t get his brain to slow down, to listen to reason. Just because sex was a thing, it didn’t mean he had to do it, or that Arin wanted it from him just because they were boyfriends now, right? Dan groans into his pillow embarrassed and utterly clueless, and wishing he could forget any of this happened. He lies there, wishing and dreading and overthinking everything until he eventually falls asleep.


	12. The Sleepover Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is spending the night at Barry's house, relieved to have a night with all of his friends and some time with Arin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been a bit, guys! Thanks for the lovely comments supporting this story! Without you guys I wouldn't be inspired to keep working on it. I will try to stick to a more consistent schedule soon!

Dan is up fairly early the next morning. He's always been bad at sleeping in, even when he wants to, but he never really likes sleeping his weekend away, anyway. It feels like a waste of the gift of some free time.

He feels better today, forgetting for a moment about the thoughts that had ruled him before he'd fallen asleep - though, now that he's awake, they're all that his mind can focus on. He'll be seeing Arin tonight, and he's both excited and terrified.

Dan gets up and eats breakfast, sleepily munching on his cereal while Dana talks to him about one of the kiddie shows that Dan sometimes watches with her. He's three-fourths of the way done with breakfast when Debbie walks into the dining room. She pauses for a moment upon seeing Dan, and he can feel that thick sense of awkwardness building up in his chest as he remembers the conversation that they'd had last night.

"Oh," she says, "I didn't know that you were already up, honey. I was actually about to come and wake you. I called Mrs. Kramer to ask what would be a good time to bring you over and she said around noon - if you wanted to go over there that early?"

Dan swallows his spoonful of Lucky Charms and nods. "That sounds good."

Debbie smiles and leans down, pressing a kiss to the top of Dan's head before ruffling his curls. Dan makes a face and Dana laughs, which makes Debbie smile and repeat the action to her, Dana breaking out in giggles.

If Dan's going to go over to Barry's house at noon, then that means that he has an hour and a half to finish eating and get all of his crap together. He wonders briefly if Arin's going to have his mom take him or if he should let Arin know what time he's going to Barry's and see if Debbie will take him, too. Barry doesn't live too far away, about fifteen minutes tops, so the drive won't be too far if one of Arin's parents has to take him.

Dan finishes off his cereal, stopping in the kitchen to deposit his bowl in the sink before he pads back to his bedroom to change. He grabs his phone and taps out two messages, one to Barry and one to Arin. The one to Barry is letting him know that he'll be over around noon, while the one to Arin is asking if he wants to ride to Barry's place together.

Barry texts back first, replying as Dan tugs on a pair of worn-out jeans. His message reads simply, _See you soon!_

It takes Arin a little while longer to reply, and Dan wonders if he's only just now getting up. He peeks through the shades in his room and sees that Arin's curtains are still drawn. He probably just woke up and is only now starting to get out of bed. _Yeah, that would be cool_ , his text reads, and Dan finds himself smiling more than he's nervous.

_I have to ask my mom, but I think that she'll say 'yes.' Are you waking up right now?_

There's another small gap of time, and the next time that Dan glances at Arin's window, Arin's shades and curtains are drawn. Dan can see the faint interior of Arin's bedroom floor.

_Maybe... It's the weekend! Leave me alone! I bet that Ross is still asleep, too._

Dan wouldn't disagree. Ross has a strange habit of staying up way too late. At their sleepovers they don't ever bother trying to play any games that involve pranking the person that falls asleep first because, inevitably, Ross will get them all. Ross likes to say that he's still running on Australian time even though he's lived in their neighborhood for years at this point.

Dan smiles as he taps out his reply. _Yeah, okay, just come over at noon._

After Dan sends the text, he grabs his duffle bag from the closet. It's the one that Avi had gotten him when he'd made an attempt at playing baseball years ago, and, since that dream died out, Dan's been using it as a tote for traveling. He sets the bag on his bed and digs around inside of his dresser, grabbing pajamas and socks and underwear and stuffing them hastily into the bag. He doesn't need much else. Mr. and Mrs. Kramer have more than enough spare blankets and pillows to go around.

\--

At noon, Dan's bag is hooked over his shoulder and he's standing out on his lawn in the warm sunshine. To Dan's surprise, it's Avi that offers to drive him and Arin to Barry's house, Debbie repeating the address a few times to Avi to make sure that he remembers. Dan's grateful because he'd been somewhat afraid that Debbie might try to talk to him about the whole sex ed thing in front of Arin, and Dan can't really think of much else that could be worse.

Arin hustles from his house, his backpack strapped to his back, and grins at Dan. "Hey, where's your mom?" he asks.

"Hey," Dan says, feeling warmer, brighter, with just being in Arin's presence. For how nervous he'd been about tonight, being face to face with Arin does nothing but calm him down and make him happy. Arin has always made him happy, and there's no difference now. "Actually, Avi is going to drive us."

"Cool!" Arin says. "Avi tells the best stories."

Dan laughs, and just as he dares to reach for Arin’s hand, the front door opens behind them and Avi is clambering out, his keys jangling from his fingertips. He grins at Dan and Arin. "You boys ready to move the show down to the road?"

"You mean 'get the show on the road,' Avi?" Dan asks.

"That is what I said, Dan," Avi says, nudging his son with his elbow as he walks down the pathway that leads to the car.

Arin and Dan follow after Avi, throwing their bags into the trunk as the two of them climb into the backseat. Sometimes, Avi lets Dan sit in the front, more so since he turned thirteen, but Arin's with him and Dan would rather sit next to him in the back.

Avi is humming along to some song on the radio that's too old for Dan or Arin to know. Dan's more careful in the car with Avi than he is with anyone else. He makes sure not to sit too close to Arin, not to let their fingers brush. Arin doesn't seem to take offense, maybe understands what could happen if Dan's dad found out about them.

"Arin," Avi starts, "how is school? Better?" He eyes Arin from the rear view mirror.

Arin nods, brushing hair from his face. "Yeah, it's, um...it's better for now."

Avi nods and smiles at Arin. "That's good. Dan seems happier this week. You, too."

Neither boy wants to say that the happiness and relief might be temporary, might evaporate from them the second that Troy steps foot back into the middle school. It's easier to ignore the reality of it, to place it at some far-off date that isn't today. That's what Dan tries to focus on. Today isn't that day. Today is a good day.

The rest of the car ride passes quietly, Arin and Dan making casual bets on whether or not Ross is already at Barry's place and, if he isn't, then when he might eventually show up.

Avi turns onto Barry's street. Most of the neighborhoods in their area are all vastly similar, the houses built nearly the same. If someone laid out photos of Dan and Arin's street and compared it to the street that Barry lives on, they would be hard pressed to spot many differences.

Barry's house is two stories, a plain cream color, and Dan can see Mr. and Mrs. Kramer's cars parked side by side in the driveway, Barry's bike collapsed in the front yard. Avi pulls up to the house, parking on the street in front of it. He pops the trunk for Dan and Arin so that they can grab their bags from the back, and by the time Dan and Arin are standing on the sidewalk, Avi's got his car window rolled down, hanging halfway out of it.

"You boys have fun now!" Avi says brightly.

"Thanks, Avi," Dan says, smiling.

It looks like Avi is going to pull away, but not before he sees Mr. Kramer step out on to the porch and Avi nods at him, throwing a passing wave. Now that he knows the boys are in adult care, Avi begins to pull away, but not before calling out to Dan, "Bye, Dan! I love you!"

Dan cringes as he waves, shouting, "Bye, Avi!” as Arin laughs next to him.

Barry had come outside alongside his dad, and he grins at them from the porch.

"Is Ross here yet?" Arin asks as they take the wooden steps up to the porch.

"Does Ross even wake up before two?" Barry asks with a laugh.

"If he gets here before five, then Arin owes me five bucks," Dan says.

Barry shakes his head, his smile wide as he opens his front door and lets Dan and Arin follow him inside. Barry's house is nice, the kind of clean where you're a little afraid to touch too many things or get anything dirty, but his parents are nice, not the type to be too stern. Barry's brother Alex is in the living room playing some shooting game that looks like it would make Dan dizzy if he tried to play it, but as focused as he is on the game, he still nods at the three of them.

"What's up, little bro? Non-little bros," Alex says.

"Arin and Dan are spending the night," Barry explains. "Ross, too, but he isn't here yet."

"Cool," Alex says. "Just stay out of my room, you know, unless you're otherwise permitted."

Barry waves Alex off. "Alex, you give the same speech every time they spend the night." He nods for Arin and Dan to follow him upstairs so that they can drop their bags off in Barry's room. Barry and Alex have rooms upstairs while their parents' room is downstairs on the first floor.

When they reach the upper level of the house, Alex's room is to the left and Barry's is on the right. Alex's door is closed, but Barry's is open, the same light-blue walls that have been there for years greeting them. Barry's room is pretty clean, definitely more than Dan's and Arin's. Dan and Arin set their bags on the floor near the foot of Barry's bed.

Barry sits in the computer chair at his desk and Dan and Arin sit on the bed, side by side, their weight making the mattress dip so that their thighs are touching. Dan shivers just a little, he can't help it, and his mind plays that little video clip that he accidentally saw last night, the two men in the bed, touching and kissing. Dan can feel his face going pink all over again.

"Oh!" Barry says, interrupting Dan's train of thought. "There's this cool game that I have to show you guys. It's about _space_."

He boots up his laptop, and it's enough to draw Dan's attention off of the thoughts that he shouldn't be having.

"Cool!" Arin says, and he's off the bed and plopping into the chair next to Barry's desk so that he can get a look at the game. With Arin not right next to him, Dan can breathe again. A new thought passes through him. Usually, when he and Arin hang out together and aren't at school, they're affectionate, kissing, cuddling, and holding hands, but they're at Barry's house. Would Barry be okay if they did that? If they held hands in front of him? Or shared a kiss? Dan hadn't asked, and he feels like maybe he should have, just so that he'd know, so he wouldn't be waffling between whether or not he should treat Arin like his boyfriend or try to keep it like it had always been when there was nothing but friendship between them.

"Dan?" Arin says, drawing Arin's eyes up to his face.

"What?"

"I said, are you going to come and look? You'd probably like this game."

Dan nods, pushing up off of the bed and finds his way into the last unoccupied chair in the room, rolling it over near the desk.

\--

The three of them play the game on Barry's computer for a couple of hours, laughing and joking, and Dan feels weightless with how deliriously happy he is to be around people who love him and care about him, who aren't looking to judge him.

Their game is interrupted when Barry's mom calls up the stairs, "Barry! Ross is here! I'm sending him up!"

"What time is it?" Dan asks, glancing at the clock on the nightstand near Barry's bed. It's four on the dot, and Dan grins. "Looks like you owe me five bucks, Arin."

Arin groans. "Oh, come on!"

"A bet is a bet," Dan says, laughing.

Arin smiles. "Fine. Next time we go on a date, I'll pay or whatever, okay?"

Dan's heart does this stupid flip inside of his chest at the thought of going on another date with Arin, that Arin wants to go on a date with him. They haven't really gone on one since their first, which had gone well until it ended horribly and set all of the crap at school into motion.

Dan's a little nervous when Arin mentions dates in front of Barry, but the other boy barely takes notice as he's saving the game that they'd wasted a handful of hours of their lives on.

There's the sound of feet stomping on the staircase and then a few seconds later Ross is pushing through the door, carrying his backpack and a plastic bag full of snacks and what look like card games.

"Jesus, do you all get up at the crack of dawn or something?" Ross asks as he enters the room, throwing his bag on top of Arin and Dan's and setting the snack bag down more gingerly next to the pile. "It _is_ the weekend, you know."

"Yeah, and some of us want to enjoy it, Ross!" Dan says.

Ross rolls his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something back, but then he's looking through Barry's bedroom window, across from his computer desk. They watch as Ross's eyebrows go up.

"Hey," he says, "Barry, there's a moving van outside."

"What?" Barry says. "Really?"

Ross nods. "Yeah! It's parked across the street from your house."

"Aw, man, someone's moving into the Richardson's old place?" Arin asks.

Barry stands from the chair and moves across his room, the other three trailing behind him. It's not a big deal that someone's moving in, but the Richardson's house has been empty since they moved out a few months ago. The house is directly across the street from Barry's, and, because of the location, there are times when balls or various objects from Barry's yard happened to find their way onto the empty property. It's also where they like to hide when they play water balloon war or any other game that involves pelting each other with objects.

"I hope it's someone cool," Ross says. "Not some asshole."

"Maybe it'll be a kid," Arin says. "Someone our age."

Barry is quiet as he lifts the shades, and the four of them peer out the window. The window is high enough up that it'd be hard to notice them staring - at least, Dan hopes so. If it _is_ a kid, then he doesn't want them to look like complete weirdos right off the bat.

What they can see from the window is the square box of a brick-red moving truck, the metal ramp down against the pavement of the road and two bulky men in white shirts moving furniture off of it. No one else seems to be around, so it's hard to tell what kind of people are moving in.

"Alright," Ross says, "this is boring. Let's do something else."

Dan and Arin turn away from the window. "Like what?"

"I don't know," Ross says. "Anything!"

"Real helpful, Ross," Arin says with a laugh.

The four of them bicker over what to do. Ross had brought cards, but that was something that they liked to play closer to the end of the night. Dan's butt is too sore to sit and watch any more video games. None of them are hungry, and Alex is still playing the shooting game in the living room downstairs so movies or TV is out. Somehow, they finally come to a decision, and, fifteen minutes later, the four of them are in Barry's driveway playing basketball.

Barry's dad had attached a backboard and hoop to the front of the garage even though neither of his sons were that athletically gifted or even really cared to play all that much. Dan wonders if it's just a dad thing, trying to offer your son sports; even if they might not like it, at least the option is out there.

"We're two versus two," Ross says. "Me and Barry and Arin and Dan."

Dan's not great at basketball and he doesn't that think Arin is, either, but he knows that Ross and Barry aren’t the best, so he thinks that they at least have a shot at winning. The game starts loosely, Ross bouncing the ball around the driveway, trying to do some move that he saw on TV while the others stand there.

"Pass it, Ross!" Barry says.

Ross lobs the ball at him. It soars over Barry's head, and Dan nabs it out of the air, bouncing the ball on the concrete of the driveway before he aims for the hoop and shoots. The ball arcs nicely through the air, but it hits the metal rim and propels back towards them, Barry catching it against his chest.

The game goes on, and it's fun. Dan likes being on a team with Arin - they work well together, they always have, and he can't help but giggle when Arin makes a basket and scores their team the first point, Arin grinning huge and wide and asking Dan if he saw the shot.

It's an hour before the game wraps up, and they're hot, their shirts sweat-damp. Barry's mom had noted them outside playing, and as Ross and Barry cheer their victory, she brings out cans of soda for them. The boys go and sit on the curb at the edge of Barry's front yard, sipping their drinks and cooling down. Dan's arms hurt a little, but he had a lot of fun; even Arin doesn't seem bummed that Ross and Barry beat them by one basket.

The moving truck that had been across the street is gone now, having left sometime while the boys had been outside. Dan isn't quite sure when; he hadn't noticed it, too wrapped up in the game. Now, though, a silver minivan is pulling up in the driveway of the Richardson's place.

"Oh, man, your new neighbors," Ross says, elbowing Barry in the side.

Barry bats his hands away, but nerves are etched all over his face. If the new neighbors have a kid that's their age, then it's a safe bet Barry and this kid will see each other a lot, at school and around the neighborhood. If the kid happens to be an asshole, well, then Dan could see why Barry might be a little bit nervous.

The van parks and the two front doors open. A man and a woman step out of the vehicle. They look average, like parents do. The sliding door to the minivan opens and then they see a slender figure jumping out of the minivan, a wave of dark hair flowing around narrow shoulders as the kid shuts the van door.

"It's a girl," Ross points out.

She's got to be around their age, maybe a little younger. She's wearing jean shorts and a dark t-shirt. As if she senses their curiosity, she turns and spots the four of them sitting on the curb. Dan can't see her too well from across the street, just pale skin, a light dotting of freckles, and big, green eyes.

To their utter surprise, the girl waves at them, a small smile breaking across her face.

"She's waving..." Arin says.

"What do we do?" Ross asks.

"Um, probably wave back so that we don't look like complete idiots?" Barry says, lifting his own hand in a small wave, the other three joining him.

"Suzanne!" they hear the girl's mom say. The girl turns to look at her mom, throwing an almost embarrassed glance back at the boys. "Come and get this box, honey."

"Coming!" they hear her say in a voice that's soft and sweet, and she rushes back to the car.

"Well," Ross says, "that sucks. Better luck next time, Barry."

"What?" Arin says. "They could still be friends. She seems nice."

"Yeah, but girls never want to hang out with guys like us," Ross points out, which is kind of true, even more so now for Dan and Arin since all of the crap that's been happening at school as of late.

Barry is quiet during the exchange, and Dan glances at him. He's looking straight ahead, watching the girl, Suzanne, follow her mom up to the front door, his eyes not slipping away until the front door opens and the girl disappears inside the house.

"Barry?" Ross says.

"What?" Barry asks, blinking like he'd just come out of a stupor.

"You back on Earth with us, space cadet?" Ross asks.

Barry smiles. "Sorry. I, um, got distracted for a second." Barry lifts his can of soda to his mouth and drains the rest of it before pushing up from the curb. "It's pretty hot out here. Do you guys want to go back inside?"

Dan, Arin, and Ross nod their agreement, standing and following him up the driveway, onto the porch, and back into the house.


	13. The Sleepover Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now the sleepover really begins, but you can't get four teenage boys in one small space without some bickering taking place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Thanks for being so patient, guys. Thanks for showing love for this fic when it's not updated and asking me about it. Your support is appreciated. <3

To their surprise, when the boys head back inside of the Kramer household, they find that Alex has given up control of the downstairs TV.

"Alright!" Arin says. "We should watch a movie."

Ross scans the living room as if he's searching for something - or someone - but his attention eventually drifts back to the group. "That could be fun. What do you think, Bar?"

Barry still seems out of it, dazed, but he shrugs and says, "Yeah, sure, why not."

Barry and Ross kneel in front of the dark wood cabinet that the TV resides in. There's a small shelf under it that bears row after row of movies. Alex is really into films, if Dan remembers correctly, so their collection is pretty big.

Dan plops onto the couch, stealing the right-hand corner because it's soft and the best spot to see the TV from. Arin is quick to sit next to him, close enough that their thighs touch. Dan looks up to see Arin smiling, so cute and sweet. Things really have seemed better lately, brighter, and Dan wants that to continue, wants to see that same warm smile grace Arin's face every day. He never wants to find a hint of sadness there ever again.

The weekend always feels different, almost golden. Maybe it's just because they're so far away from school, that crushing environment, too many people looking at you, judging you. There's nothing more that Dan likes than spending time with Arin and his friends, and even though the sleepover just started, he's already dreading when it'll have to end.

Dan feels Arin's hand skate across his own before he laces their fingers together, holding onto his hand loosely, like he's testing to see if Dan will pull away. He won't. He doesn't want to. Barry's parents are outside, his mom tending to her garden and his dad puttering around in the garage. Dan doesn't know where Alex is, probably upstairs in his room doing whatever it is that high schoolers do. Right now, they have privacy - save for Barry and Ross, but the two of them have shown that Dan and Arin's physicality doesn’t bother them, anyway.

Dan squeezes at Arin's hand and sees Arin's smile widen immediately.

"How about _Deadpool_?" Ross asks, waving the DVD toward Dan and Arin.

"That sounds good," Arin says, his thumb sweeping over the back of Dan's hand, making little goosebumps rise across Dan's arms. He suppresses the shiver that wants to leave him. Arin has this way of making his body act strange, like Dan is inhabiting a different person. It's like he doesn't recognize himself when he's around Arin.

"Um, yeah," Dan says, trying to focus on the conversation. His mind is lost to the slow, almost hypnotic drag of Arin's thumb rubbing small circles against his skin.

Ross and Barry don't argue. Barry puts in the DVD as Ross scrambles to the couch and seats himself next to Arin. That leaves Barry to sit at the left-hand corner, but he doesn't complain as he curls up against the arm of the couch and grabs the DVD remote. Almost instantly, Barry’s socked feet find their way wedged under Ross's thighs. Ross huffs, but he doesn't make Barry stop.

Dan hadn't realized how lax the four of them were with physical space. It'd never seemed to matter very much. Maybe that's why the shift between Dan and Arin from friends to something more wasn't too difficult for Ross and Barry to accept.

Barry starts the movie, and Dan sinks into the plush cushions behind him. He's seen the movie before, having watched it a few months ago at Ross's place right after it'd come out on DVD. Dan's not great at remembering movies, but he knows that he likes this one.

Within the first ten minutes, Arin presses against Dan, snuggling closer to him. Dan can feel his body tense with surprise, but it isn't bad. He welcomes the warmth of Arin against his side.

It's five more minutes before Arin gets braver and rests his head on Dan's shoulder, his hair brushing lightly against Dan's cheek. He sucks in a sharp breath, his heart speeding up in his chest. This is new. Interesting. He can feel when Arin lets out a laugh - it vibrates into his skin. It's true that Barry's parents could walk in at any moment, or Alex could come downstairs, but Dan isn't ready for this to end yet.

Dan glances at Ross and Barry to see if they've noticed Arin's new position, but if they have, then they say nothing too focused on the TV and that helps to calm Dan down. He repeats to himself: it isn't an issue, they don't care, it's okay to do this.

Dan definitely didn't remember the sex scenes in the movie, but he feels like he really should have. On screen, Wade and Vanessa are moving together. Ross starts hooting right away, and Barry is laughing, cheeks turning pink as he tucks his face against his knee. Dan shifts in his seat, suddenly too aware of Arin right next to him, of Arin's warm breath against his shoulder. It brings to the forefront of his mind the previous night, the video that he'd found on accident.

Arin isn't laughing, he's quiet, and Dan's frozen next to him. He wants to know what Arin's thinking, if he likes what's on the screen, if he's thinking about them...what they might look like...

The thought makes Dan's stomach feel weird - hell, it makes every part of him feel weird. He can't imagine them ever doing something like what he sees on the screen, like what he watched in that video, and he can feel that same panic setting in from the night before. Is Arin going to want that? Expect it? Ask for it from Dan? Is Dan supposed to know what to do because he's older? Has Arin even gotten the talk from his parents?

Dan's mind is spinning with too many questions that feel huge and impossible to answer unless he's looking to die of embarrassment. On screen, the sex montage ends and Dan feels like he can breathe a little easier again, but he's distracted. He squeezes Arin's hand, their fingers still laced together, their palms hot against each other.

"I... I have to go to the bathroom," Dan murmurs. He doesn't really, but he needs a second away from the couch, from Arin.

Arin stiffens and pulls away, their hands breaking apart as he sits up. "Okay," he says, giving Dan a look, one that Dan can barely meet in return. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I just have to piss," Dan says.

Arin laughs, seeming fine. "Okay, Dan."

Dan gets off the couch and pads down the hall toward the downstairs bathroom. Once inside, he takes a moment to breathe. He picks up Mrs. Kramer's decorative little hand soaps, giving them a smell, the scent reminding him of his grandma's house. He stares at himself in the mirror, at his reddened cheeks and wide eyes. No wonder Arin had given him an odd look.

"Stop being an idiot," Dan mutters to himself, feeling frustrated at how his mind is spiraling out of control with all these new ideas and fears. Why can't he relax and just enjoy spending time with Arin like before?

Dan turns on the water and pretends to wash his hands, splashing some of the cool liquid onto his face, wiping it away and hoping it'll turn him back into his normal self. He wants to have fun at the sleepover. He wants to be able to relax around Arin. He wants to feel the same as he always has without this strange new element of life prodding at his insides, poking around in his mind and reminding him that he needs to panic over it.

Dan wipes his hands on the hand towel before slipping back out and into the living room. Arin smiles at him when he sits back down and leans in close again, his hand seeking out Dan's.

"Is this okay?" Arin says as he links their fingers together.

Dan nods. "Yeah, of course. I like you holding my hand." He brushes his thumb against Arin's soft skin to reaffirm that.

Arin grins something big and bright and Dan feels his heart soften and expand, like it's growing too fast to ever fit in his chest the way it once had before this, before Arin - though, if he's honest, it's getting harder every day to remember a life before Arin.

Arin doesn't settle his head on Dan's shoulder again during the rest of the movie, but they stay close, their hands still linked. The four of them finish the movie just in time for Mrs. Kramer to waltz in and announce that dinner's ready. They could hear her cooking and moving around in the kitchen as they watched the movie. The back of the couch faced the kitchen door so they could always hear her coming and when they heard her footsteps Dan and Arin’s hands would part on instinct, an unfortunate reflex of keeping it all secret. 

Mr. Kramer stands at the bottom of the stairs as the boys pass him by to head into the dining room. He shouts up for Alex to come down and join them. Ross and Barry are heading into the kitchen at the same time, trailing a beat behind Dan and Arin, and Mr. Kramer stops Barry before he can slip into the kitchen. He nods up the stairs. "Go get your brother for dinner, Barry."

"Why do I have to? Won't he come down when he's hungry?"

"Barry, don't argue, please," Mr. Kramer says, sounding not at all prepared for this to turn into a debate.

"I'll go get him," Ross offers, his voice plain and simple. 

Barry looks over at Ross in surprise. "You will?" he asks, barely believing what he's hearing.

Ross shrugs. "I'm a guest here, so...whatever I can do to help out, right?"

Barry raises an eyebrow, but he's not about to complain about getting out of a task that he never wanted to do. Mr. Kramer smiles at him. "Thanks, Ross."

Ross nods and bounds up the stairs, seeming all too happy to go and collect Alex for dinner.

Once everyone is seated at the Kramer's dining room table, they begin passing around the brisket that Mrs. Kramer made. Dan is seated between Arin and Barry, while Ross is sitting between Barry and Alex, Mr. Kramer is on Alex's right, and Mrs. Kramer is between him and Arin. It reminds Dan a little of his own family meals, and he feels warm and comfortable and safe with his friend's parents as much as his own.

Alex is dominating the dinner conversation with talk about his impending drama club auditions and what song he might sing during his try-out.

"I love musicals," Ross says, smiling big at Alex.

"You do?" Alex says. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah!" Ross says, his smile getting bigger. "They're awesome."

"What's your favorite?" Alex says, not in a way that implies that he doesn't believe Ross, but in a way that says he genuinely wants to know. Alex is cool like a lot of high school freshman aren't. Dan had friends from last year, eighth graders that are now freshman, who pretend like he doesn't exist; they act too cool to talk to anyone still in middle school.

" _Hamilton_ is great, really cool," Ross says. "I really liked it."

Alex smiles and his eyes brighten. "Dude! _Hamilton_ is amazing."

Dan would totally make fun of Ross for how his cheeks flush just the tiniest shade of pink, how he smiles down at his plate of food like an idiot, overjoyed that he held his own in a conversation with a ninth grader, someone cooler than them, like Alex. He would definitely make fun of Ross if Ross hadn't been so cool about defending Dan at school.

Barry, it seems, has no such reservations. "Since when do you like musicals?"

Ross looks over at Barry in surprise. "Since always."

"You've never talked about them before."

If looks could kill, then Dan thinks that Barry might be struck dead where he sits, just drop dead in the chair with a forkful of brisket still between his fingers, from the look that Ross gives him. "I don't talk about them with _you_."

Barry takes a bite of his brisket and huffs out a laugh. "Whatever, Ross."

"Oh, hey, did you tell your parents that you saw the new neighbors? Seemed like you were pretty interested in them, Barry."

Now it's Barry’s turn to glare at Ross. Dan sighs into his plate of food and Arin lets out a soft groan.

"You did?" Mrs. Kramer asks. "You didn't mention that, honey."

"I didn't talk to them," Barry says. "We just saw them outside when we were playing basketball."

"They have a daughter our age," Ross helpfully adds. "She'll probably go to our school."

"Really?" Mrs. Kramer says. "That's wonderful. You boys could show her around. She's probably nervous, going to a new school and all."

"Yeah, Barry, you could totally show her around, right?" Ross asks.

"Maybe we could invite them over for dinner?" Mr. Kramer asks. "Like a welcome wagon kind of thing?"

Barry looks like he's going to bend his fork in half with how tight he's holding it. Ross looks smug and victorious, and Dan can sense that this is only the beginning of the impending prank war that is going to ensue for the rest of the night. He only hopes that he and Arin don't become causalities of it.

After dinner is over, Barry, Dan, Ross, and Arin head back upstairs to Barry's bedroom, Alex lingering downstairs because it's his turn to help with the dishes. Dan can feel the tension between Ross and Barry all the way up the stairs and inside of Barry's room.

Arin closes the bedroom door behind him, and Dan is quick to suggest an activity. "Why don't we play cards? Ross, you said that you brought some?"

Ross nods before he kneels over his overnight bag and pulls out the deck of playing cards that he brought with him. 

"What should we play?" Arin says as he hovers near the door.

Dan knows how to play poker because his dad taught him the rules as they watched a poker championship on one of the many sports channels on their TV. He's not sure if the other guys know how, though, and he doesn't know enough to properly teach them. Ross has tried to teach Dan and the others some of the games that he used to play back in Australia, but the rules are complicated and none of them have ever quite caught on.

"We could play war?" Barry suggests from his desk.

No better options come up - unless they want to play Go Fish like they're elementary school kids - so the four of them sit cross-legged on the floor as Ross splits the deck evenly into four parts.

They only get two rounds into the game before Barry addresses the elephant in the room, "What was up with you at dinner?" Barry asks, not sounding angry, exactly, but not happy, either.

Ross sighs. "What do you mean?"

"You were being weird around Alex and then you told my parents about the new neighbors."

"I was being friendly with Alex and you tried to make me look stupid!" Ross points out.

Barry's mouth flattens. "Well, you were lying to him! You don't give a shit about musicals, dude."

"You don't know that. Maybe I do."

"We're all best friends and this is the first time that I've ever heard you bring up _Hamilton_."

Ross's face goes pink again. "Listen, maybe I just wanted Alex to think that I was cool, okay? He's in high school and he's really cool and I wanted him to think that I was, too."

Barry quirks an eyebrow. "Who cares what Alex thinks? Yeah, he's in high school, but that doesn't make him cooler than us."

"In the hierarchy of high school, it does," Arin says, much to Dan's surprise. "Everyone knows that ninth graders are cooler than middle schoolers, just like people know that eighth graders are cooler than seventh graders."

Barry frowns, looking down at the backs of his cards as he gets them in a straight pile.

"I mean, Dan and I are going to be in high school next year," Ross says. "I figured that it isn't a bad time to start making friends who'd have our backs in high school."

Dan winces. He hadn't thought about it, how, in a handful of months, he'd be done with eight grade and then it would be summer and then high school. He hadn't thought about it since he started dating Arin, how soon it'd be that they would be separated for a whole school year until Arin moved to high school, too.

Dan swallows. "That's still a while off, Ross."

Ross shrugs. "I mean, it's not that far."

"Let's just play cards," Arin says, his voice low and not as bright as it had been before.

Dan feels a pang of guilt, rattling through him like an empty can down a garbage chute. He doesn't want to have any hand in making Arin feel bad; he doesn't ever want Arin to feel sad or hurt because of him, because of things that Dan has no control over, things that Dan can't change - like their age, their grades in school, things that create such huge boundaries between them.

The tension in the room is thicker than before, doubled into something threatening to choke them. The four of them are good at pressing on through the awkwardness, though, their friendships stronger than any minor disagreements, so, after a few rounds of the game, they're laughing again, having fun like the original intention of the night was to do.

Maybe an hour or so after dinner, there's a knock-on Barry's bedroom door.

"Come in!" Barry calls.

The door opens to reveal Alex standing there, wiping his hands on his jeans and smiling at them.

"Alex? What do you want?" Barry asks. It's with good reason. Alex usually doesn't visit their sleepovers, keeping to himself in his own room or playing video games downstairs.

"I just wanted to talk to Ross for a second," Alex says, his smile soft as he nods at Ross.

"Me?" Ross asks in a voice smaller than Dan's ever heard.

"Yeah, you mentioned _Hamilton_ at dinner and I wanted to show you a cool video that I found that mashes up some of the songs. I think that you'd like it."

Ross nods and he stumbles up from the card game, padding over Arin to get to the doorway where Alex is waiting for him. "I'll be right back, guys," Ross mumbles, Alex already heading to his room.

"Ross is being weird, right?" Barry says, waiting until Ross and Alex are gone as he looks between Dan and Arin. "It's not just me that thinks so, is it?"

Arin shrugs. "Maybe a little bit."

"When isn't Ross weird?" Dan says with a laugh, but even he can sense the difference that Barry must be talking about. Ross isn't quite himself, but Dan can't pinpoint why.

Barry hums, starting to pack up the playing cards into the little paper box. After the cards are put away, he moves over to the TV tucked into the corner of his room. He digs under the cabinet and tugs out his Wii U.

"You guys want to play Mario Maker?"

\--

Dan isn’t sure how long they play Mario Maker until Ross comes back. He’s just as pink faced as he was when he left and Barry gives Ross a serious look as if trying to comprehend the person he’s seeing. He’s not sure how long they all play video games and dick around but the next time he looks at the clock it’s almost three in the morning.

Barry yawns and rubs at his eyes as he sets the controller down. "Is it already that late?" he says.

"Even I'm getting tired," Ross says, "so it must be late."

Dan could sleep. Whenever he's at someone else's house, it's hard for him to go to bed. He gets wired in this weird way, too excited to fall asleep. Right now, though, he can feel sleep nudging at him, ushering him into wanting to lie down, wanting to rest.

Barry turns off the video games and pads to his bed. "Are you going to put shaving cream on my hands if I go to bed, Ross?" he asks around another yawn.

"Maybe," Ross says with a grin, "but I might just pass out first."

Barry is sleeping in his bed. Ross, Dan, and Arin brought their sleeping bags. The four of them do the awkward dance of shuffling around and setting up their sleeping arrangements. Dan shucks off his jeans and tosses them on top of his open duffle bag. He'd be more embarrassed with Arin seeing him in just his boxers and a t-shirt if this wasn't the way that Dan always slept at sleepovers, so Arin's seen him like before.

Dan and Arin's sleeping bags are right next to each other, the two of them side by side at the foot of Barry's bed. Ross is sleeping beside Barry's bed. There's a good chance that Barry will forget that Ross is there in the morning when he fumbles for his glasses and steps on Ross in the process.

Barry waits until they're all settled down in their beds before he turns out the lamp, the clock illuminating the room in the far corner, the window on the other wall letting in the white light of the streetlamp outside of the house. There's enough light that, even in the dark of the room, Dan can still make out Arin's face.

It's two beats before Dan hears Arin's voice whispering to him in the night. "Are you awake, Dan?"

"Yeah," Dan says, a smile across his face. "How come you're not sleeping?"

"I dunno," Arin says. Dan hears the rustle of fabric and then feels Arin's hand patting at the front of Dan's sleeping bag. "Where's your hand?"

"Right here, doofus," Dan says, pulling his hand free with a laugh as he finds Arin, holding onto him loosely.

"Shut up," Arin says with a giggle tinged with a bit of nervousness.

There's more rustling, and then Arin grows closer, turned on his side in his sleeping bag and holding Dan's hand. Dan's chest goes tight, and he reaches down with his free hand to unzip his sleeping bag, turning on his side, too, copying Arin's position, the two of them face to face.

"Hi," Dan says softly.

"Hi," Arin echoes, smiling again, so cute and soft in the darkness of the night.

Before more words can be exchanged, Arin is leaning forward, his nose bumping gently against Dan's before his lips find Dan's mouth. They're kissing, slow and easy, the kind of kiss that Dan is used to. They haven't kissed all day. They haven't touched more than casual cuddling.

Arin's hand finds Dan's chest, opening warm and solid against Dan's t-shirt. Dan smiles into their kiss. Arin leans in again, and Dan feels that new yet familiar sensation of Arin's tongue sweeping against his lips. Dan gasps, and, like before, their kiss deepens.

Dan doesn't pull away like before. He wants to explore this new and odd kind of kissing. It feels less scary than before, less intense. Somehow, under the cover of darkness, it's less intimidating. He can't _see_ Arin as much as he can _feel_ him, his knees brushing Dan's, his hand still solid on Dan's chest, pressed over Dan’s heart. 

Arin makes a noise, something soft and completely new that makes Dan's stomach hurt like it never has before, and he pulls away. "Did I hurt you?" he asks in a gasp.

"No," Arin says, breathless and just as soft. "No, I liked it...I guess?"

That ache runs through Dan again, making him warm all over, from his head to his toes. His heart speeds up too fast, scared, like he's being asked to give a speech in front of his whole class.

Debbie's words flash through his head, her reminder for him to be safe. Dan swallows and touches at Arin’s wrist. "Arin..."

"Yeah?" Arin asks breathlessly.

Dan is nervous, wishing that he could just fall asleep because it would be easier than having this conversation right now. He's scared to find out Arin's thoughts, to find out what he wants from Dan and how maybe it's more than Dan is ready for, more than he's able to give.

"I...do you want me to...I mean..." Dan trails off, feeling sick to his stomach.

"What, Dan?" Arin asks. He's close again, kissing Dan's cheek, his lips making a warm and dry trail over Dan’s skin, "What's wrong?"

"Do you want to have sex?" Dan rushes out, too fast, too quiet, his face burning.

Arin is silent. Dan's heart is too loud in his ears. Each second that Arin isn't talking is one second that Dan wishes that the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

"Is...is that what you want?" Arin finally says.

"I... I’m going to be honest with you," Dan says, squeezing his eyes shut. He still holds Arin's wrist, his thumb rubbing over the pulse point there, feeling how rapid it is under his fingers. "I'm not ready for that. I'm sorry. I hope that you aren't mad at me."

Arin's quiet again, but then Dan feels the touch of his other hand on his jaw, and Dan opens his eyes. Arin is right there, his eyes big and worried, and right now Dan doesn't feel like the older one between them.

"I'm sorry," Dan says again. "I don't want to upset you."

"Dan, it's okay. I don't...I'm not ready for that, either."

"You're...not?"

"No! I... I mean...I just like kissing you. I like being around you, but the other stuff feels like...it feels like a lot and I'm just...not there yet?"

Dan lets out a breath that he didn't know that he was holding and can feel himself relax into his sleeping bag as relief floods him. "That's fine. I like kissing you, too. I like being around you and holding your hand and sleeping next to you. I still want to do all of that stuff."

"Good," Arin says with a smile. "Um...but if there's ever anything that I do...or any way that I touch you that you don't like...tell me, okay? I want to know."

"Okay," Dan says, cheeks burning.

"Promise?" Arin asks.

"I promise." It's easy to make that promise because Dan knows that Arin will accept him for whatever he says, for whatever he is, because Dan will do that back for Arin.

Arin curls closer to Dan, his head on Dan's chest. Slowly, carefully, Dan winds his arms around Arin's body, hands open against Arin's back. 

“Dan?” Arin says, his voice warm and sleepy. 

Dan smiles, “Yeah?” 

There is a quiet, their shared breathing and Ross’s light snoring being the only thing they can hear in the room. It’s enough to make Dan think that Arin fell asleep on him. 

“Nevermind…” Arin says, “It isn’t important.” 

Dan feels he should press and ask what it was, what Arin almost said or wanted to say, but he’s tired and he feels maybe now wouldn’t be the best time for whatever was almost said. Dan rubs at Arin’s back and as they rest together, Dan listens to Arin breathe, feeling the rhythm of it. He lets the sound and the warmth of Arin's body next to him lull him to sleep.


	14. The Sleepover Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry has questions for Dan and Arin shares fears he hasn't expressed before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been done for a while now but I was busy with holiday stuff so it's coming out now! Thanks for sticking with this story! <3

Dan wakes up on Sunday morning with his arm looped loosely around Arin’s soft waist. He’s so warm and comfortable and it feels good and right to have Arin wedged against him. Dan doesn’t want to be awake, he wants to curl into the heat of Arin’s body and drift back off to sleep, but he has a terrible habit of letting his mind spark up with thoughts and ideas, working himself up too much to fall back to sleep. 

Arin’s on his stomach, face turned away from Dan, still out cold and Dan lies there next to him content to seep in that warmth for the moment. He listens to the room around him, trying to figure out whether Barry and Ross are awake yet. Barry seems likely, but Ross could sleep as long as Arin if they’d let him. 

Dan is greeted by silence in the room and he shifts against the floor, his hipbone digging uncomfortably into the hard flooring. After a few moments he has to piss and he can’t tune out the ebbing pain throbbing from his hip, and Dan carefully untangles himself from Arin before he gets to his feet. 

Arin doesn’t seem to notice Dan leaving, but Dan misses the warmth of Arin’s body almost instantly. Barry’s room is chilly and Dan nearly scoops up his blanket to curl it around his form. He scans the room and spots Barry still in bed, his tufts of dark hair peeking out from the top. Ross is on the floor, head half-way under Barry’s bed and one leg sticking out from his blanket. 

Dan laughs quietly, feeling intensely fond of his friends as he slips from Barry’s bedroom and pads down the hall to use the upstairs bathroom. Alex’s door is shut too but Dan can hear movement downstairs and he’s guessing that Mr. and Mrs. Kramer are probably the only ones up besides Dan. 

After using the bathroom, Dan slips back to Barry’s room and he is only a little surprised to see Barry peeking at him from the shell of his blanket, bleary light colored eyes blinking slowly at Dan. 

“Sorry,” Dan whispers, trying not to also wake Ross and Arin, “was I too loud?” 

Barry shakes his head, the pillowcase rustling with his movement, “No, it’s okay,” Barry’s sleepy voice rumbles back, “I woke up half an hour ago and then went back to sleep. I saw you and Arin cuddled up on the floor though,” Barry admits. 

Dan’s face goes pink. “You did?” he knows Ross and Barry are okay with them being affectionate. They hadn’t said anything when the two of them cuddled during the movie last night. It feels like it’s slowly becoming a piece of normalcy for them all, just a fact of life now that he and Arin are together. Dan can’t help but still feel lingers of skittishness, being worried everyone will react the way Troy had done at the arcade, the event that began their drama and made things so hard for the two of them.

Barry shrugs, shifts his blanket so he can free his arms as he props himself up, rubbing his palm sleepily against his eye. 

“Is it nice?” Barry asks. 

“What?” Dan says. He feels way too exposed standing in the middle of Barry’s room and his long arms come up to wrap around himself, Dan’s skinny form stood stuck between his sleeping boyfriend and two of his best friends. 

Barry’s eyes are trained on him, so weirdly focused that Dan feels like his skin is crawling. 

“To have someone to cuddle with, kiss, you know, someone to date, I guess? Is it nice?” 

Oh, that makes more sense. Dan is older than Barry and he’s the first of his friends – well, besides Arin now – to date someone. Barry’s never had a girlfriend and except for Missy Collins who had a crush on Barry in the fourth grade. She had once chased him across the playground, and made Barry run straight into the metal poles of the swing-set, he hasn’t had a lot of experiences with girls. 

Though Dan isn’t sure why Barry would come to him. It isn’t like Dan is an expert on girls, or dating, and more often than not he feels like he has no idea what to do. He has a feeling that dating Arin isn’t exactly the same as dating a girl in their class would be. 

“It’s nice because it’s Arin,” Dan says, “I think so at least. I’m not sure how I’d feel with anyone else, maybe I’d be more nervous, more afraid to look stupid, but with Arin, he already knows how stupid I am, so I’m comfortable.” 

Barry laughs and Dan is relieved to see something other than the oddly focused look on Barry’s face. 

“I like cuddling with Arin, kissing him, being around him because I like _Arin_. So, it is nice, yeah. Not always easy, but it’s good.” 

Barry nods but his face doesn’t seem satisfied. If anything, he looks more lost than before and Dan feels bad. He thinks about the day before and sitting outside on the curb, he remembers the cute girl that is Barry’s brand new neighbor. 

Dan moves and sits himself down on the end of Barry’s bed; his ass nearly crushing Barry’s blanketed feet in the process. 

“Do you have a crush on someone, Barry?” 

Barry’s cheeks go pink and he flops down on his bed, rolling over to bury his face in his pillow, letting out a muffled, “Nope.” 

“Are you sure?” Dan asks. He isn’t going to make Barry fess up to anything, and hell, maybe he’s wrong and maybe Barry really doesn’t have a crush on anyone. Maybe he’s just curious about Dan and Arin’s relationship, maybe he’s trying to have it make more sense in his head. 

“Yes,” Barry’s muffled voice says again. 

“Okay,” Dan says, in his head he’s letting it go. He’s never been one to make people uncomfortable if he could help it, “But if you ever do get a crush, you can talk to me. I might suck at dating advice, but crushes I can help with. I know what it’s like to crush on someone. I had a bad crush on Arin before we dated and I know it can feel weird, like, somehow your heart is trying to kill you or something.” 

Barry lets out a soft groan. 

Dan laughs and rubs his hand over Barry’s sleep rumpled hair, only making it messier. 

“You fucks are too _loud_ …” Ross mumbles from the floor, startling both Dan and Barry. 

Dan leans forward and sees Ross wriggling himself out from where he had wedged himself half-way under Barry’s bed. 

“You’re waking me up,” Ross whines as he rolls on to his back and flops dramatically against the floor, looking something like a fish on dry land.

“Sorry,” Dan says around a giggle, “I just got up to go to the bathroom and then Barry was awake.” 

Barry turns on to his back too and he glances at Dan, eyes a little wide, like he isn’t sure whether Dan is going to bring up the whole crush conversation. Dan won’t. He isn’t stupid and he knows that Ross is probably the last person you want to let know you have a crush. If Ross found out it’s almost a guaranteed that he would never shut up about it. 

“Ugh, well, now I have to piss,” Ross says as he stands up on stumbling legs and moves towards Barry’s bedroom door. 

Barry sits up and sighs, grabbing his glasses off the nightstand next to his bed. Dan knows now with that act that the chances of any of them going back to sleep are slim to none. Arin is the lone sleeper, still dozing on the floor looking small and comfortable inside his sleeping bag. A very big part of Dan wants to slip back to the floor and resume snuggling with his boyfriend, but if Ross decides to stay up then it wouldn’t be long before Arin ended up waking up too. 

“I just feel kind of weird,” Barry says, glancing at the door as if making sure Ross was really gone, “Arin is the same age as me and he’s dating you, but I don’t know the first thing about dating except for stories from Alex and his friends, and I don’t know if they’re fucking with me. I’m supposed to know how to date, right? Everyone else knows.” 

“I don’t think everyone knows,” Dan says, “I barely know now.” He thinks back to his curiosity about how sex with Arin would even work, could never imagine fessing up to having looked up the information, even if it would make Barry feel better to hear it. “Besides, My dad said you’re not supposed to date until you become a man and you haven’t had your bar mitzvah yet, so, it’s okay not to know that stuff yet.” 

Barry frowns. His birthday is still a good ways off and Dan remembers waiting for his own bar mitzvah, how he felt like it was never going to happen, how impatient he was to finally be seen as a ‘man’ in the eyes of his religion. 

“Don’t worry so much,” Dan says, “It’ll happen when it does, B.” 

Barry nods and scrubs a hand through his hair, but Dan doesn’t actually feel like he’s helping Barry at all. 

“Maybe you could talk to Alex?” Dan asks. 

Barry’s blue eyes go almost comically wide, “No way! He’d make fun of me for sure!” 

“But he’s older than you and probably knows more than any of us do.” 

Barry shakes his head, “I’m not asking Alex.” 

“Asking Alex what?” Ross says around a yawn as he strolls back into the room, his hand scratching at his belly, making his simple t-shirt ride up in the process. 

Barry’s face flushes pink again. Dan glances at Ross. He looks so completely unthreatening right now with his sleep-soft face, messy hair, and the lazy way he’s scratching at his stomach. It’s hard to see in this moment why Barry would be afraid to tell Ross about his questions. 

Really Ross could probably help Barry more than Dan could. Ross flirts with the girls in their class. He makes them laugh and Ross always puffs his chest out a little when he can manage to make a gaggle of girls break into laughter around him. Really, Barry should probably go to Ross about this whole crush thing, he’d be more helpful. Dan hadn’t gotten too far with girls before his feelings for Arin overrode his system, making the other boy the only thing Dan could focus on anymore. 

“Nothing,” Barry says. 

Ross’s eyes narrow, “Something’s up.” 

“We were just talking about what a huge loser you are,” Barry says with a smile.

Ross smiles but it’s a little on the vicious side, “I think you must be thinking of _yourself_. Tell him, Dan.” 

“I don’t think I want to be brought into this,” Dan says, “Can’t we just have breakfast?” 

“Breakfast sounds good,” Arin’s soft, sleepy voice rumbles from the floor. 

All three of them look down at Arin who is sitting up in his sleeping bag, yawning and running a hand through his hair. Dan’s heart soars at the sight of him. He’s not sure it will ever stop. He assumed it would slow down, that his heart wouldn’t always skip a beat whenever he looked at Arin, but so far, his body has proved him wrong. 

“Hey, did we wake you?” Dan asks embarrassed at how gentle his tone gets for Arin. 

“I mean, yeah, but it’s okay. I’d rather not sleep the whole Sunday away.” 

Arin stretches and wiggles out of his sleeping bag before he stands. His face is soft and pink with sleep and Dan wants to touch him to see if he’s as warm as he looks. Arin catches Dan staring and smiles at him, something timid and a little shy. 

“Maybe I woke up because you weren’t cuddling with me anymore.” 

“I had to get up to pee!” Dan laughs, but he’s getting fuzzy inside with the memory of holding Arin close to him. The intimate and secret conversation they had the night before, acknowledging a heat between them but also understanding that right now that heat had nowhere to go. 

“Barry,” Ross says drawing the conversation away from Dan and Arin, “Can you ask your mom if she’ll make pancakes for us?” 

“I mean, maybe?” Barry asks, “But we also have cereal.” Barry flips the blanket off his lap and climbs out of bed, rustling Dan into standing as well. 

“Yeah, but your mom makes the best pancakes.” 

Barry sighs, but he smiles like he’s proud of the fact that Ross thinks Mrs. Kramer’s pancakes are top notch. 

“Alright, fine, let’s go ask.” 

\--

Two hours and a good heaping of pancakes later the boys are in the living room playing video games. The four of them are tucked on the couch together as they play Overwatch. Dan sucks at it and dies a lot, doesn’t understand a lot of the rules of the game, the fast movement making his head spin with motion sickness. 

A good portion of the day had already been eaten away and all too soon Dan would have to go home, clean his room, take a shower, and hurriedly finish any last minute assignments before Sunday melted into Monday morning and then they would all be back in school. Dan had tried not to think about it, tried not to let it spoil his weekend or his time with Arin and his friends, but now that Sunday is here and the time before Monday is shrinking, he can’t help but think about how tomorrow Troy will be back for the first time since his suspension. 

Would Troy still be angry? Still be out for blood and looking for ways to hurt Arin and Dan? He didn’t know and that’s what scared him. He didn’t know what Troy could do to them, what he could say. Dan’s guessing that he’s not ready to let it go, even more so now because Dan had been the reason that Troy got suspended – well, no, his stupid actions were what got him suspended – but it had been Dan that caught him. 

He almost wants to talk about it with Arin, to check in and see if Arin was worrying about it too, but he doesn’t want to ruin Arin’s time, doesn’t want to spark fears inside his boyfriend if they weren’t already there in the first place. 

By some miracle their team wins the match and Arin leans against Dan, laughing at Ross bitching about how Arin got the play of the game. He looks at Dan and Dan can see it on Arin’s face when he notices something off about him. Arin’s always been oddly good at reading Dan, now he’s even better at it. 

“What’s up?” Arin asks quietly, his voice covered by Ross and Barry’s bickering. 

“Nothing,” Dan murmurs, “I’m okay.” 

“You don’t look okay,” Arin says, frowning a little. 

“I’m just...I’m thinking about school tomorrow, I guess.” 

Arin’s face falls into a blank slate. “Oh.”

“Sorry, I didn’t want to make you sad or make you think about it too.”

“It’s okay, I have been thinking about it if I’m being honest.”

“You have?” Dan asks. 

Arin nods, pushes fingers through his hair, “Yeah, like last night when we were cuddled up I thought for just a second…what if _he_ saw us like this? What would he say?” 

Dan has anger flash through him, not at Arin, but the situation, the idea of Troy saying anything to them at all, at ruining a tender and gentle moment like last night. 

“Who cares what he’d say. Fuck him.” 

“I know, but sometimes we’re together and I feel like somehow he can see us, like he just knows what we’re doing. It’s stupid and irrational, I know but I feel haunted by him I guess.” 

Dan sets his controller down on his knee, his hand seeking out Arin’s, holding on loosely. Arin’s palm is sweaty from where he had been holding his own controller. It pains Dan that Arin feels like he can’t escape Troy’s judgment, his anger at them for just being together, that even when they are alone and safe that Arin feels the lingering fear of what they’ve been through. 

“He can’t even touch what we have,” Dan says, his voice low, just for Arin, as private as they can get in Barry’s living room with their friends right next to them, “He can’t stop us from being together, no one can.” 

Dan wants to believe in his own words, he’ll do whatever he can to make sure they are true, but he knows there are forces out there that are bigger and stronger than Dan and Arin are right now. He knows how fragile their relationship is, but that only makes him want to work that much harder to protect it and to make his words concrete. 

Arin smiles and it’s close to being real and sure and he nods, hair brushing his cheeks. In one brave moment Arin leans in and catches Dan’s mouth in a kiss, making something warm and fond burn so bright inside of Dan. 

“Suck face on your own time!” Ross says, “Our next match is going to start!” 

Dan and Arin break apart and Arin’s hand leaves Dan’s so he can pick up his controller, Dan doing the same though he feels no more confident in his Overwatch skills than he had before. What he does feel confident in is his relationship. Tomorrow was going to come no matter what and all Dan can do is be there to face it, to face Troy, to push back like he’s been doing, like he’ll always do for Arin.


	15. Welcome (Back)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new school week begins. Troy's back from his suspension and possibly out for revenge against Dan and Arin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone supporting this while it wasn't updated! Here's an update for you all!

Mrs. Hanson pulls up outside of their junior high at seven-forty in the morning. Dan’s feeling oddly calm being back at school, holding on to his mantra from the night before. Monday was going to happen no matter what he did and now it was here and all Dan could do was try to brace himself and meet it face first. He had to be strong, not just for himself, but for Arin too. As Dan unclicks his seatbelt, he already knows that if anything starts up again, he’ll do whatever he can to protect Arin, regardless of what it means for himself. 

Dan glances at Arin as they both slide out of the car. Arin waving to his mom and promising he’ll try to have a good and productive day. Dan throws her a wave too and she pulls away, scattering gravel around the school’s parking lot. 

People are flooding into the school and Dan tries to pick out faces in the crowd; friend or foe, he’d rather see it coming. 

“Good morning, boys,” Miss Megan, the morning monitor says, smiling widely at them. She’s been the same morning monitor for the school for as long as Dan has been attending and she’s always been fairly nice. Some of the kids like to give her crap because they know she isn’t a teacher, that somehow even hierarchy applies to the adults in the school, and how they don’t have to listen to someone who isn’t inside an actual classroom.

Dan and Arin skate through the crowd, moving with the mass of students as they slip into the school. Breakfast is being served in the cafeteria, but that’s the last place Dan wants to be right about now. Judging by the look on Arin’s face, he likely feels the same. 

Instead the two of them make a beeline for Dan’s locker. There’s still roughly fifteen minutes before school starts and they can afford a few moments alone. That feeling still persists, the feeling of being watched, of having eyes tracking them, but it’s lessened. Dan finds himself actually believing that maybe the student body really can get past this shit-show that has been their reception to Dan and Arin’s relationship. 

Arin’s back is against the locker next to Dan’s, his backpack hanging off one shoulder. Dan can detect the shift in Arin already, the way his shoulders are hunching defensively, the way his hands wind around himself, braced against his chest, guarded. Dan wants to comfort him, wants to touch Arin until he unfurls, until he’s soft and gentle, but he can’t. 

“Hey,” he says, low and careful, drawing Arin’s eyes to him, “It’s going to be okay today. We’re going to have a good day.” 

Arin smiles, but his eyes remain heavy even though there’s a light to them, some brightness seeping in that Dan thinks means he still appreciates the gesture. 

“I’ll try,” Arin says, shifting so he’s got his shoulder braced against metal and he’s closer to Dan. His knuckles brush the back of Dan’s hand in a soft touch, secret and quiet, and it makes Dan feel rooted, feel like a tree strong and firm. It reaffirms that feeling, that sense that Dan is going to be strong for Arin. 

“That’s all you can do, Ar,” Dan says. He lifts his hand and pats Arin on the shoulder, letting his palm linger against the tight draw of muscle under Arin’s t-shirt. 

Somewhere further down the hall the booming voice of one of the upperclassmen teachers rings out through the hallway, “Five minutes before the bell rings!” 

Arin slides away from Dan, “I’d better hit my locker before I’m late.” 

Dan nods, “I’ll see you at lunch?” 

Arin smiles, nods, looks calmer now than before even though they’re parting for the morning. 

“See you then.” 

Dan watches Arin go until he rounds a corner, lost to the chaos of everyone trying to finish breakfast, get their morning gossip in, escape the commitment of their homeroom class for just a few more minutes before the bell rings. 

Dan grabs his own books for his morning classes, tucks away the others, closes his locker and then starts towards his homeroom. It isn’t until he’s half-way to the classroom that he begins to get nervous. Troy is back today and it isn’t like there’s going to be some delay in seeing him. They share the same homeroom. Troy is going to be there right off the bat and Dan isn’t sure what’s going to happen. 

Troy might ignore him out of fear of getting in trouble again or he might just jump back in where he left off, round up his group of friends, and the target will fall back to Dan and Arin’s backs. Dan pushes away the negative thoughts. He focuses on that strength, the idea that he is a mountain that is large and unmovable, sturdy enough for Arin to lean against if he needs to. 

Dan takes a breath as his classroom door comes into view. He slides into the classroom, too aware of his own body. He tries to move casual, normally to his seat, like none of this affects him at all. He’s definitely not looking for Troy; if he’s here, well, Dan’s sure he’ll know about it sooner or later without directly seeking him out. 

“Good morning Star-Shine,” a tired voice mumbles next to him and Dan sees Ross sitting lazily in his seat, half-slumped and eyes drooped low, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but at school right now. 

“Hey, man, did you get like no sleep last night?” 

“I stayed up playing Overwatch like an idiot,” Ross says around a yawn. 

Ross wasn’t a morning person by any means and now staying up late it was like he was barely a functioning person this morning. Dan smiles, but he’s distracted. His mind flickering to the idea of Troy being here, in the classroom, maybe watching Dan right this second. 

Dan’s thoughts are interrupted by a small hum of noise near the back of the class. 

“Yo! Troy! Troy’s back!” someone is saying. Dan doesn’t see who exactly but he’s guessing it’s one of Troy’s friends. He feels a shiver run down his spine and he allows himself a glance, just one look, like facing a ghost or some shit, he’s gotta at least acknowledge that he’s there. 

The whole class seems to be looking at the doorway, at where Troy Casters is standing stock-still, like a mannequin. His jaw is set tight and his eyes are wide, he’s got his books up against his chest and weirdly enough, his posture reminds Dan of Arin’s. It seems stupid to Dan for Troy to worry about being an outcast. There’s a dual pang of empathy and bitterness mixing in his belly, creeping up the back of his throat, stinging like bile. 

On the one hand, he feels bad that Troy seems as nervous to be here as Dan had been, but on the other, no single part of Dan wants to feel bad for Troy. Troy is an asshole. Troy hurt Arin. Troy deserves everything he got. 

One of Troy’s friends leaps up and is next to him, bouncing like a small dog excited at the return of his owner. Troy’s jaw is set tight and he knocks his shoulder against the bouncing dude. 

“Fuckin’ chill, man,” Troy mumbles. 

Dan watches as he scans the classroom, notices that all eyes are on him, and then for a second, his gaze catches Dan’s. There’s a quiet that feels like an eternity where Dan looks at Troy and Troy looks back. The both of them are stoic, like two frozen statues unsure of what happens next. 

Above them the bell rings signaling the beginning of their day.

Troy’s eyes fall away and he shuffles to a seat near the front of the class, further from his old seat, further from Dan. His friend following after him. Noise rolls through the room, talking, whispers, maybe people filling their friends in on the drama, a recap of events worthy of a show on MTV. 

Their teacher stands, clearing her throat and drawing the attention of the room to her. She stands like a veteran, like someone whose seen it all before and knows this won’t be the last time tension slides through her classroom like a disease, like a living and breathing animal that’s primed to bite. 

“I’m going to collect your homework from the weekend,” she says, quieting the room around her and cementing the official beginning of another school day. 

Dan digs in his backpack for his crumpled papers while he hears Ross hiss, “We fucking had _homework_?” 

Dan passes his paper to the girl in front of him. From his seat he can see the back of Troy’s head, can see the way his shoulders are hunched, how his defensive stance didn’t evaporate once he sat down. Dan forces his eyes away from Troy, looks to his teacher as she collects their papers, shuffles them in her hands before she walks around her desk, setting their papers down and instead picking up a dry erase marker. 

Homeroom passes simple and easy, much to Dan’s relief. The sensation of peace doesn’t last long though as a new fear enters Dan. What if Troy was waiting until after homeroom to fuck with him? It made sense for Troy to wait until the hallway was crowded with a congestion of kids trying to make their way to their next class, where teacher access was just a little harder to find. It would make perfect sense for Troy to ambush Dan at that time. 

Dan’s knee bounces as he eyes the clock above the whiteboard in the room. His backpack is by his feet and Dan wonders if he should try to get out of the class fast or if he should linger and let the others file out first, just hoping that Troy will move along with them. He glances at Ross who’s got the hood of his jacket up over his head, his eyes barely slits. Dan wouldn’t be alone but Ross wasn’t in his usual fiery stance either if Dan required back-up. 

The bell rings before Dan has made up his mind and he stands automatically, grabbing up his backpack, his classmates following suit. Dan glances towards the front of the class where Troy is slowly and purposefully packing away his materials, like his notebook and pencils were made of gold. Dan takes that as his own cue to slip out of the classroom, Ross following close behind. 

\--

Arin settles into his seat in his third hour class. The morning had been oddly normal, people still looked at Arin, the occasional whisper still followed after him. It was something he was trying to get used to, but overall no one had fucked with him and he hadn’t been called to the principal’s office yet, so Arin’s going to chalk it up as a win. 

Even as he sits in his seat, fingers drumming nervously on the desk top, he can’t help but feel like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. He feels like if he puts his guard down all the way, if he relaxes, that’s when someone will strike, that’s when shit will go bad again. 

There’s the sound of the chair next to him scraping against the tile floor. Arin keeps his eyes glued to the desk, stares at his blank notebook, willing everyone to just leave him alone until class starts. 

“Hey,” a voice says, soft and kind. 

Arin tilts his head and sees a pair of bright eyes peeking at him. He arches an eyebrow in surprise, taken aback that a girl is talking to him. It isn’t anyone he knows or recognizes. She has dark hair and those bright eyes that are rimmed in black, and pale, pale skin. 

“Hey,” Arin says, because he’s still surprised that anyone is talking to him, let alone this girl. He steels himself, waiting for a question, for a rude remark, for anything this stranger might use to hurt him. To his surprise the girl’s face softens and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“How’s the teacher in here? Nice? A jerk?” 

“Oh, Coultain?” Arin says, glancing towards the front of the classroom where their history teacher is standing with his back to the class, writing information down on the chalkboard. Arin shrugs, “Alright as long as you do the work. He doesn’t go out of his way to be a jerk.” 

The girl nods, “Cool. My old history teacher was kind of an ass so I’m sure he’s already nicer.” 

“Old teacher?”

“Yeah, I just moved here over the weekend. Today’s my first day… so, this is all kinda new to me.” 

Something clicks in Arin’s head, the memory of being at Barry’s place over the weekend, the moving van they had spotted from Barry’s bedroom window, sitting on the warm concrete of the curb and them noting that Barry’s new neighbor was a girl around their age…

“Oh…I don’t want to sound like a weirdo but I think you just moved in across the street from my friend Barry?” 

The girl brightens, let’s out a little laugh, her cheeks going faintly pink. 

“I’ll be honest…I recognized you from yesterday. I saw you out on the curb with some other guys. That’s why I came to sit next to you…so, your friend is Barry and apparently my new neighbor, but what’s your name?” 

Arin feels something embarrassed but delighted crawl under his skin. This girl recognized him? She chose to sit next to him? She wanted to know his name? 

“I’m Arin.” 

The girl leans over, her arm is extended between the space of their desks. She offers Arin her hand and he’s quick to take it, the leather of her bracelet rubbing against his wrist. 

“I’m Suzy.”

Before more can be said Mr. Coultain turns to face the class, the bell ringing to signify that it was time to learn, or pretend to learn as far as most of the student body was concerned. Arin goes quiet and pretends to be listening, to be focused on what Mr. Coultain is trying to teach them, something about native tribes local to the area and what life was like for them so many years ago, but Arin can’t keep up. His mind is whirling, a side-effect of the ADHD, but it feels worse somehow, like he can’t find even a thread to cling to. He’s too aware of Suzy next to him, too hung up on Dan and what might be happening in the eight-grade wing of the school. How was he going to be expected to pay attention in class? 

\--

It seems that Troy is trying to avoid Dan as much as Dan had been hoping to avoid him. Troy hasn’t spoken to him at all, barely made eye contact past that first second when he entered their homeroom. Dan isn’t complaining about the fact. He’s glad to avoid the drama, glad that Troy has decided to lay low. Dan can only hope it continues, that the old Troy won’t resurface once he’s been back a few days and gets comfortable again. 

It’s just before lunch and Dan’s teacher has let them out early, eager to start his own lunch break away from the students. Dan stops by his locker and packs away his morning books, uses the bathroom, and still has time to spare. He gets an idea then. He’ll go and wait down by the seventh-grade hallway, maybe he can surprise Arin and the two of them can walk to lunch together. Maybe the quiet of the day is making him feel foolish or brave, tricking him into thinking that no one is going to give him shit. 

Seventh graders and eighth graders are separated in different wings of the junior high. There’s nothing strictly keeping them from wandering into the other area except having no real business there. If Dan tried to walk to that end of the school there wouldn’t be anyone there specifically to stop him. He closes his locker, giddy with the idea of surprising Arin. 

Dan shoulders his backpack and walks down the lonely hallway that leads to the seventh-grade side of the school. His footsteps echo against the tile and bounce back at him. The seventh-grade hall is quiet for all of two minutes as Dan strides down it, remembering last year when he took his classes there, but then the bell is ringing and the previously empty hallway is filling with a stream of kids leaving their classrooms, rushing to their lockers, and trying to make it to lunch as quickly as possible. 

Dan moves through the bustle of the crowd. He doesn’t exactly know where Arin is right now, but he heads towards Arin’s locker, figuring he’ll be dropping off his books there before he heads to lunch. Through the cacophony of voices, noises, the slamming of lockers Dan catches a familiar sound. He can hear Arin’s laugh ringing bright and clear through the hallway. The noise makes a warmth fill Dan up, relief flooding through him because if Arin is laughing then he’s in a good mood, and he’s having a good day. 

Dan presses past a group of giggling girls and breaks through the crowd, broaching Arin’s locker. He catches sight of Arin, but to Dan’s surprise, Arin isn’t alone. He stops short as he notices a girl standing next to Arin. Her back is against the neighboring locker, a book hugged to her chest. Her dark hair is falling in her face but Dan can still see the wide smile she’s giving Arin as the remnants of his laughter fade from his face. 

Something strange and kinda cold slithers into Dan’s stomach, something he doesn’t have a name for. Whatever it is, it stops him from interrupting the two of them. Arin doesn’t really have a lot of friends outside of the mutual ones he shares with Dan, especially friends that are girls, so Dan has no idea who this girl is, Arin hadn’t mentioned anyone new. Dan sees her throw Arin a wave and then the girl turns on her heel and she’s striding away, moving down the hall in the opposite direction of them. 

Dan tries to ignore the weird feeling in his stomach as he propels himself forward, intent on surprising Arin the way he had originally planned. 

“Hey,” Dan says, coming to a stop next to Arin’s locker. 

Arin’s head flicks up and Dan gets to watch the way his eyes brighten in surprise and happiness, a warm feeling blooming in Dan’s stomach, not completely erasing whatever weird feeling had existed there, but easing it into a gentle dullness. 

“Dan!” Arin says, smiling big and wide, “What are you doing?” 

“I got out of class a little bit early so I thought I’d come see you. I thought we could walk to lunch together.” 

Arin zips his backpack and throws it over his shoulder. 

“You’re a big sap, you know that?” 

“Yeah, I know,” Dan says with a laugh. 

Arin closes his locker and the two of them are standing there, sharing space. 

“I’m glad you came early.” 

Dan wants to take Arin’s hand, wants to smooth his thumb against Arin’s skin, lace their fingers together the way that he likes, and even though the seventh-grade wing feels safer, Dan knows he and Arin aren’t bulletproof so he settles for ruffling Arin’s hair, something he found himself doing a lot when they were just friends, an excuse to touch Arin without freaking him out or revealing too much about his feelings for his best friend. 

Dan earns a laugh from Arin, his stomach warm and full. 

“We should go before all the chocolate milk is gone,” Arin says. 

“Good thinking,” Dan says, the two of them starting off towards the cafeteria. The hallway has emptied somewhat, most of the student body either heading to the lunchroom, or heading outside to sit in the sun and fresh air in the school-safe designated areas that remind Dan of habitats at the zoo, ringed in patches of land, middle-schoolers raised in captivity. 

“How was your day? Did Troy come back? Did he say anything?” Arin asks after a few moments, like it was something he was thinking about but didn’t want to jump directly into. 

“He did come back, yeah, and he didn’t say or do anything. He’s been kinda weird and quiet today.” 

“That’s good,” Arin says. 

“Good for now, for today.”

Arin nods, like he already understands what Dan is trying to say. It’s a piece of them, of their bond, the thing that made their friendship so strong and helped lead them to where they are today. They understand each other in this weird and intense way. They can communicate without words, without saying absolutely everything, it’s what makes Dan feel so secure, so right that dating Arin was the best thing he could have ever done. 

After a few minutes they approach the cafeteria. Dan wants to ask about the girl but he can’t think of a way to do it without sounding like there’s a problem, or like he’s upset. He’s not upset…right? Besides, Arin is having a good day and Dan doesn’t want to bring up anything that might change that fact. 

The lunchroom is loud and full as Dan and Arin enter it. He scans the room and sees Ross and Barry already at a table, the two of them waving to catch Dan and Arin’s attention. The line for lunch is long and winding in the empty space where the cafeteria tables aren’t set-up. No one’s really looking at them, not really paying much mind and Dan finds that relief again. 

“Maybe we’re old news?” Arin whispers, noticing the lack of an uproar that he and Dan were walking in together. 

“Maybe, but I won’t complain about it.” 

Dan and Arin are moving towards the line to claim a spot and grab their lunch when someone knocks into Dan’s shoulder, hard, nearly toppling his skinny frame to the floor. Dan looks up and sees one of Troy’s friends, a blonde with shaggy hair and dark green eyes. He’s scowling at Dan and barks out a sharp, “Watch it!” as he keeps walking, Troy, head down, walking a few feet ahead of him, not bothering to even look up at the exchange. 

“Knock it off, Kellin!” one of the lunch monitors snaps at the blonde. 

“What the fuck,” Arin says, his hand fluttering around Dan’s shoulder like he’s unsure of whether or not he should soothe Dan, “I thought you said Troy wasn’t messing with you?” 

“He’s not…he isn’t…I mean, that’s his friend, but…” Dan trails off. But what? Was Troy having his friends bully Dan and Arin? Did he find a loophole where his loyal buddies are willing to risk getting in trouble just to make Dan miserable? Or was it an isolated incident? Sheer coincidence? Dan isn’t sure, but it sets that weird cold feeling back in his stomach. 

Troy and his friend had wandered off, skipping the lunch line in favor of just going to sit with friends. They’re lost to the crowd and the chaos of the room. Dan and Arin grab their lunches; near tasteless chicken patties and canned vegetables, before heading to the table that Ross and Barry had claimed for them. 

“What the hell was that?” Ross says once they sit down with their trays. 

“What?” Dan says. 

“Uh, the fact that Douglas Kellin tried to run you down just now?” Ross says. 

“I don’t know, he just came out of nowhere,” Dan says. 

Barry frowns, “You think Troy told him to do it?” 

Dan shrugs, “I don’t know for sure. He wasn’t even looking when it happened.” 

“It’s still a dick move,” Arin says, and now his hand seeks out Dan’s shoulder, presses against where Douglas Kellin’s shoulder had collided with Dan’s. 

“I heard some people talking,” Ross says around a bite of his sandwich, “They said that Troy lost his bite, that he’s a pussy now.” 

“A pussy because he isn’t attacking Dan?” Barry asks, shaking his head. 

“Can we talk about something else besides Troy?” Dan asks, feeling a little panicked, that claustrophobic feeling begin to creep in along the edges of Dan’s mind. 

“Oh, well I got something. Barry, I met your new neighbor,” Arin says. 

“What?” Barry asks, nearly dropping his spoon and losing a few peas off the plastic surface in the process. 

“Yeah, her name is Suzy. She’s in my history class. She’s really nice. We talked today.” 

Dan thinks of the girl he had saw at the locker talking to Arin, his mind flashing to the pretty girl he had seen yesterday. That weird feeling in his stomach comes back to him. 

“She’s not in any of my morning classes,” Barry says, his tone edging towards annoyed, completely unlike the usual Barry. 

Arin shrugs, “We still have the afternoon.” 

“Why do you care? You want to be her friend?” Ross asks, “Hoping she can come over and play with your Wii?” 

Barry’s face goes a dark pink, “Shut up, Ross!” 

Ross grins, laughs, “Oh my God. I didn’t mean it like _that_.” 

“Hey!” Arin interrupts, his tone sharp, “Don’t say stuff like that about her. She’s really nice.” 

Dan’s stomach tightens, “Is she…uh, is she in here right now?” Dan finds himself asking, though he isn’t sure why. He believes Arin if he says she’s nice and Dan is sure she is, he’s not sure why he feels so weird about someone he doesn’t know. 

Arin looks around, craning his neck to see the tables around them, “I don’t think so. I didn’t ask what she was doing for lunch.” 

Barry hums but his face is showing small hints of disappointment while Ross is smirking over his sandwich. 

Dan eats quietly, wanting the subject of conversation to change yet again if it could. He doesn’t voice this, deciding to focus on enjoying his time with Arin before they’re separated by their afternoon schedules.


End file.
